I didn't think I
could cry anymore tears
I didn't think my heart
could break anymore.
But tonight everything changed.

I found 3 ****** in bed
and no room for me to sleep.
When someone,
who's suppose to love you

picks ****** over you.

How are you suppose to react.
My partner ghosted me,
then with in a month
broke up with me.

He always made it feel
as if there was
a chance
but
something inside me
told me
there was more
happening
then I was lead to know.

The same thing a man hates,
mostly likely he is doing.

I was gaslighted
to believe there
wasn't a ***** in my bed
while he did his best
to make me not leave.

Telling me if I went
with someone else
it would hurt him.

But there he was
3 ****** 1 bed.

Leaving me
no where
to rest my tired body.

I'm told this is my fault
I should of moved on
months ago
but
in the same breathe
if you were to fall in love
with someone else
it would hurt me.

My gut told me
there was a wolf
in sheep's clothes
but like any naive
girl I believed the wolf.

Now my husband is inlove with a *****

and here I am, left ***** less.

On nights
like this one,
and many others.
I feel the flower
that sleeps
between my ribs.
Start to weep.
Her sobs are so heavy
that I find myself
fighting back
tears
of
my
own.

So I take her
outside.
Light up cigar
and begin to
drown
her
in
smoke.

I tell her
to be silent.
That she'll ruin
the good things
about to happen
in my life.
If her voice
gets up to my gray
matter brain.
It will get me
thinking
and saying
things,
I should have
let go of
by now.
"We'll lose him"
I tell her
"Is that what you want?"

The flower slowly
let's crystal
tears fall
one after
the other.

So I take
orange pills,
to make her stop.
That way
my kids
the clients
I see Monday
thru Friday
or even my
closest.
Won't know
of how
on some nights

I
cry
with her
as well.

No one will
know about the
late night drinks
we share.
From time
to time.
The terrible memories
that barrage us
as the world sleeps.

No one will
know of how
faces of women
we've never
met
before
haunt us.
Take away
our happiest.

This cigar tonight
is for you
darling,
because
I know I won't
sob tonight.
But
under
these
shattered
stars
you
will.

I loved her more fiercely than I ever intended to love again. Not because she asked me to, but because something within me needed to. As if some part of my soul recognized hers, and begged to give her everything. Like an angel descending into the ruins of my heart, whispering to try again. And so I did. I gave her pieces of myself I’d sworn I’d never share again. My aches, my trembling truths, the wounds I thought had long since closed, but she kissed them open. I began building a future with hands still shaking from the past, tracing blueprints of us across her skin. I told myself this was safe, even as the ground cracked beneath our feet. I tried to be careful, but she made recklessness feel like hope. I let her too close. Now, where her love once lived, there’s only silence. She left, not like a storm, but like a sunrise slipping away before I could hold onto its warmth. Like a page torn from a book mid-sentence. Now I sit here, love still blooming with nowhere to go. It hums in my chest like a song with no singer, a fire slowly fading without fuel. I never meant to love again. Never meant to need again. But I did, somehow slipping through the cracks. And now, I don’t know how to stop.

Im sobbing these tears, but I'm crying to who?
It's this same stupid story playing out in my room
I never fall first, but I will always love harder
No picket fences, I'm a karmic debt paying daughter
Now the greater question is are you the lesson,
             Or is it me?

Lies are mercy, aren't they?
Little bandages over wounds too raw to touch,
soft words wrapped around a blade-
because what's a little blood between friends?

They call them shadows.
but don't they have weight?
Haven't they sat beside us at dinner tables,
held our hands at funerals.
kissed our foreheads goodnight?
Haven't they whispered in our ears-
"Shh. The truth would only ruin this."

People wear them like armor,
stitched with good intentions
because nothing says I care
like a well-tailored deception.
But armor rusts.
Tongues slip.
And no one likes the taste of old lies.

They lie because the world doesn't want the truth
Because the mirror would rather blur the cracks
than reflect the hollow-eyed thing staring back.
Because I'm fine
is easier than I haven't slept in days.
Because It's okay
is a free pass to avoid confrontation.
Because some truths burn.
and some people would rather drown in gasoline
than risk lighting the match.

Lies keep love alive, don't they?
One says, I'll never leave.
The other doesn't ask What if you do?
One says. I trust you.
They both pretend it's true.
Betrayals become misunderstandings.
Silence becomes space.
Absence becomes freedom.
Say it enough, and it sounds real.
Believe it enough, and maybe it doesn't hurt.

But lies don't stay small.
They grow ribs
Grow teeth.
Learn to walk on their own.

They slip from tongues like prayers-
practiced, automatic.
holy in their own way.
They turn love into a contract.
guilt into a leash,
truth into an inconvenience.
They say, You are safe.
They say. You are right.
They say. You had no choice.

Then-
a crack in the mask,
a break in the voice,
a silence too loud to ignore.

And suddenly, the truth isn't some mythical beast,
not a monster waiting under the bed.
If's just there, standing in the doorway.
waiting. Watching.
Tired of being the villain in
someone else's story.

Lies aren't mercy, are they?
Just wounds left open too long-
festering, rotting, waiting to be called by
their real name

dissolving;
the shadows of a faint memory
are left behind by palms of a stranger,
grasping ahold of the glassy walls of my heart;
but your eyes drift away as if to tell me
i never held a moment in your eyes,
as if i was just a muse,
the briefest study
in your work in artistry;
so please
meet me back in five
if i matter

to you

I miss you so much all the time.
How much you made me shine.
No one will ever be as good as you,
Because one day I’ll say “I do”.

Let’s prove everyone wrong.
Right now I’m crying to our song.
you said one day we will dance to together.
Even though you insist you’re no dancer.

Yes maybe I’ll hang with guys now.
Try and be a normal teen somehow,
To numb the pain of you who I’m missing.
It’s for you who my heart is constantly aching.

One day when this is all over,
I’ll be crying on your shoulder.
Finally in your arms ,and one thing I know,
I will never ever be letting go.

I heard the other day that you went to touch the blue horizons, riding the lonely waves.
I heard the other day you were walking along the endless shores, stretched across for miles upon miles.
Leaving only your solitary footsteps behind ...

I have never seen these shores, never glided on the blues.
Never caught a glimpse of the vastness that embraces eternity with such grace.
Never for a second in the life of a singular eternity have I thought that maybe, just maybe, serene feelings lie in simplicity.
So, next time, when you go to the and walk along the endless shores to meet the horizon,
Will you take me along? ...

It's just that I've been thinking recently.
How, from the beginning, we are rigged to self-destruct.
How much we yearn for oblivion with every atom in our flesh and blood.
Yet, we never think for a moment about these footprints we leave behind.
And our parting sighs ..

If you look at me now.
Sleepless nights, bloodshot eyes, weary soul, and still trying to reconnect.
But you were always beyond my reach, always up so high.
Endless foolish attempts of mine to reach you among the stars.
But everytime I have overlooked one simple fact.
That you have always belonged to the sky ...

Live on, and keep dreaming on.
These self-centric lifestyles, mine and yours, ours and theirs, closer and torn apart.
If this is the definition of love,
Why am I fighting for peace? ...

But I heard that you still dream, still write stories, poems, and songs about all of us.
Chant music of the olden days from the depths of your soul.
The saga of human existence still makes you think that love still blossoms.
In the far corners of this world, like a still blooming rose.
So, the next time, when you write another song about the love that still blossoms,
Will you write some lines about me? ...

You should write something beautiful, something only a foolish romantic would say.
"Hold my hand close in the middle of a crowded street, and maybe I will reconnect."
So that I can answer you with this,
"Make me believe in closure again, and maybe I will again look at your face." ...

If it's not too much trouble, can we just talk all night?
Just you and I?
Until the stars cross our paths,
And sing us a lullaby? ...

I heard that you still wait for the end of the eons at the edge of eternity.
Still watch the starry skies on melancholy evenings with the eyes where the horizon finally came to rest.
I have never seen this edge before, nor have I seen such evenings.
So, the next time when you go there,
Will you invite me? ...

Maybe we will watch the starry explosions in the sky.
The end of everything on a melancholy evening,

With your hand in mine? ...