#emo poems on Hello Poetry

XslyfoxX Sep 2020

Never really been sober minded
Seeking life- might never find it
Lying on a plateau
Pretend it’s a mountain I climbed.

Did it all start with divorce?
Did it start with my mah?
Or when the kid molested me in the back seat of a car?
For any light in my life I caught fireflies
But someone opened and let them all out of the jar.

I can’t lie and I can’t hide
I got called out on the pathetic way I lived my life.
womanizing just pain hiding
If any of you read this- I’m sorry I’m trying.
You don’t have to forgive
I don’t expect any of it at all.
Just know that now when I look at my wife and my baby I hold nothing but hate for the person I was and just know I hate myself in my heart.

I always claimed to be Christian
I always claimed to love God.
I know I Spit in His face with my actions I don’t know how He forgive me at all.

Nearly stopped my heart a couple times
Till friends I couldn’t love stopped by
I didn’t appreciate their hearts, didn’t appreciate they love me
So I lashed out and attacked them all
And I pushed and I pushed till they shoved me.

Honestly I’m really scared
To brutally, honestly tell you the truth
I’m terrified I’ll hurt my bride and my children like I did all if you.

Wether it’s getting high off Percocet
Or **** and lying on the Internet,
Wether it’s puking in toilets from too much to drink
Or getting so I can’t see and/or speak

I’ve seen her crying real tears
So I’ve had to start to face my fears.

My mommy problems and abandonment Issues
Are no reason to treat her like this.

Hi, my name is Blair and I am an addict
Just so you all now, I’m no longer at it.
I can understand why you hate me so much
And I know why you say nothing but negative things, I know why you just can’t get passed it.

I know why still years after
You’re writing emails to my pastor
And saying all of these horrible things not believing I can change and that’s facts.

I try every day to not hate myself
Because I know that’s not how God sees me.
I know I am nothing but a pervert and drunk
Till cried for my savior to save me.

I know you don’t believe it.
I know you hate me it’s no secret.
And I admit to being the monster you think I am years ago
I promise I’m no longer in that pit.

I admit that I punished myself
I admit that I was living like hell.
I admit I was selfish and deserved to be kicked out of Homestead for not thinking of anyone else.

Those were the best friends i ever knew
They were honest, and open and loving and true.
And I’m mad at myself for pushing away
To the point they don’t even know my child’s name.

Some of you got your payback
To the point we’re still being harassed
People are making fake Grindr accounts
Assuming it’s me without me being asked.

I’ve made mistakes and that’s and understatement
I can’t take it back- I’ll never change it.
Please accept my sincerest apologies
And let’s just go back to being decent.

To the women I’ve burned
I’m sorry,
To my brothers,
I’m sorry
To everyone who thinks that I’ll never change
I’m sorry and I’m trying.

This holds a lot of inside information that only certain people who may never read this will understand.

I lived my life horribly and selfishly. I went after personal gain and personal revenge for being hurt.
I have always been afraid of rejection and fear that my wife- like my many others will emotionally, or physically abandon me.
I have been on a journey of discovering my issues and trying to overcome them for the best part of 4 years.
To some people that’s not a long time.
I have been told that I am not able to serve in the church because of how I acted going back to when I was a preteen.
I have been accused of things I didn’t do because I hVe a history of doing things like it in the past.
I am still a recovering pill addict and make strong attempts to stay for away from alcohol.
I understand that God’s forgiveness and my wife’s acceptance as well as the birth of my child does not equal owning and dealing with issues I caused, or issues that I have.
No matter if I’m forgiven or not, no matter if there is truly a God or not, I am deeply sorry for the people who have been angered by me, scared because of me or cried because of me.
At one point in my life, I did not care about any of those people- although I was convinced I did.
I was not a Christian I just thought I was.
I was not much of a man at all. I just thought I was.

#apologies #remorse #christian #jesus #marriage #poems #sorry #emo #new #england

dexter Aug 2020

10/13/2019

Filling in the blanks.
Throw away worn out pages from the journal of my past.
Forgetting names, relationships that didn't last.
No class, sensible sass on the *** of my jeans.
Playing with words when I want to be mean.
Don't want to be needy.
Forgotten peace treaty with the demons eating my psyche.
I'm ugly, you're boring, we're all like vampires feeding on each other.
Undeniable hate, but I still always say "We should love one another."
Denial undercover, smother the problems I'm not yet equipped to recover from with a sly wit.
Another temporary fix to cover up the shiit that somehow replaced the mud and the blood in my veins.
I'm lonely and strange and beginning to prefer it this way.
Not well behaved, I don't feel like pretending to be today.
That's okay, I'll try again tomorrow.
Indian giver, time's always borrowed.
Mostly hollow but I'm trying harder every day to gain the patience it takes to fill in the blanks.

fill in the blanks :)

#emo #***** #sad #recovery #hopeless #ugly #hollow #empty #needy #forgotten

Stone Aug 2020

Relapse

You promised
Yet you relapsed
And now I'm snapped

I don't know if you know
But you're dazed
stuck in a haze
Won't let yourself escape

You have four beautiful daughters
Yet your mind
is on your own slaughter

I'm sorry I tried
But you ignored my pleas
On my knees
Can't you see?

You're falling
And I can't even stop it
Do you hear me calling?
All you hear is a whisper
My vocal chords are shredded
But it doesn't amount to a thing

You don't know the pain
You're bringing to yourself
All for your own game
In vain you are dying
Slowly I know it
Decaying
Time is ticking
But again
You relapsed

You promised that
Once to a girl crying on the phone
I guess you forgot that girl
Your own daughter
Just because you have free will

I don't know if you just don't care
Or if your demons are there
But I'm here
I can't watch you disappear

#mom #emo #dark #daughter #drugs #addiction #relapse

end Jul 2020

pilots

This day,
I'll keep the lights on in this place.
The end can't come soon enough
and it's all that I need.
I know you want to leave but
this line's the only way
It's alright.
Together we go.

I was doing fine on my own!

Do me a favor and try to ignore
as I start the car and then I begin,
I said, "Don't be afraid. We're going home."
And in your mind you're singing la-da la-da la-da la-da (la-da la-da da)

Now is the ****** to the story!

Let's take this a second at a time,
and now that I write and think about it,
I'm pleading please, oh please on my knees repeatedly asking,
Hey, hey, wouldn't it be great, great,
my time today-
down in the forest.
I'm holding on to what I know
my bad behaviour but I bet I could have been a better man,
and you will never understand what I believe.

Luckily I can read your mind.
You hold the cure,
silent in the trees.
Living empty-handed,

I'm not done, I'm not done yet, no!

I'll stay awake,
Twisting the kaleidoscope behind both of my eyes
that make Pandora's Box's contents look non-violent.
Will you take care of me?

I have these thoughts,
'Cause I'm twisted up, I'm twisted up inside.
I'm trying to be so cool
you'll have to watch me struggle,
and I'll fall
'Cause when the sun sets, it upsets what's left of my invested interest...

I want to see,
The sun will rise, and we will try again.
Just another attempt to make the voices stop.
Wish we could turn back time (oh), to the good old days (oh)

I know it's hard sometimes.

What I wanna save I will try.
My heart is my armor
regardless,
I found my way.

Hope you haven't left without me, please.

I don't know where you are. You'll have to come and find me, find me!
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah (Eh! Eh! Eh! Eh!)
I will let the wind go quietly,
I don't know why, I just feel I'm better off.
Don't let me be-!

If you need anyone
and everyone's asleep, mind you
I'll morph to someone else.
I'll go with you, I'll go with you.
Let me catch you up to speed:
For you, I would get beat to smithereens.
Promise me this,
Just don't believe the hype!
They want to make you forget,
if you decide
to feel some control.

This clique means so much to this dude!
They know that it's almost over.

But you walked by like you never heard...

this was written entirely out of twenty one pilots lyrics

#twentyonepilots #sad #emo #lyrics #depression

end Jul 2020

forest

I tried to start a forest fire so bright
But it burned my house last night
Now that my trees have all died
I can not see you

We're livin' in a forest we can't explore
In a lifetime we try to ignore
And I wanna see the whole world
The way that you do

But I need to know if you are real
Cause baby I don't know how to feel
And I cannot control my mind
I scratched out the line
And erased my past

We're livin in a blue-black world.
And you're just a red-orange girl.
We're trying not to be T-E-R-R-I-F-I-E-D.
And you are just trying
To hide in plain sight.

Cause we're livin' in a red-orange sea.
And I wish you were blue-black like me.
And I can not even swim,
so I'll just be sinkin in
To deep to see you.

I wanna know now if this is real.
I wish that somehow they could heal us.
We cannot be sugary sweet.
It's only you and me
Against all the odds.

So please just hold me tight.
(Hold me tight!)
Maybe even spend the night.
(Spend the night!)
You take my mind off the constant fight and
I can't lose you.

Cause we're livin in a red-orange world.
And I'm just a blue-black girl.
We're trying not to be T-E-R-R-I-F-I-E-D.
And you are just trying
To hide in plain sight.

Cause we're livin' in a red-orange sea.
And I wish you were blue-black like me.
And I can not even swim,
so I'll just be sinkin in
To deep to see you.

And I know you made a stupid mistake.
They thought I wasn't real and our love was fake.
I tried to stop what I knew would go down.
Now all of our colors mixed around
In the air that we breath.

Because the trees they didn't light themselves.
You held a match up and your candle fell.
There was no reason for you to doubt me.
I was too late though.
My love, I'm so sorry.

We were just livin in a blue-black world.
And you were my red-orange girl.
We were trying not to be so T-E-R-R-I-F-I-E-D.
And you were trying
To hide in plain sight.

Cause we're livin' in a red-orange sea.
And I wish you were blue-black like me.
(Blue-black like me!)
And I can not even swim,
so I'll just be sinkin in
To deep to see you.

We're livin in a blue-black world.
And you're just a red-orange girl.
(Red-orange girl!)
We're trying not to be T-E-R-R-I-F-I-E-D.
And you are just trying
To hide in plain sight.

Cause we're livin' in a red-orange sea.
(Red-orange sea!)
And I wish you were blue-black like me.
And I can not even swim,
so I'll just be sinkin in
To deep to see you.

We're living in a colorless world.
Now you're just my plain grey girl.
I tried to stop being so T-E-R-R-I-F-I-E-D.
And you're just laying in the box where you died.

You'll never know if we were real.
But baby now I know how you feel.
Time has passed, but I won't be alright.
Cause I lost you to the constant fight.

Cause we're livin' in a colorless sea.
And I wish you were still red-orange like me.
You float but I still can not seem to swim.
So I'll just be sinking in
Deep just to see you.

#emo #depression #forest #forestfic #twentyonepilots #alone #sad #death #synesthesia #lgbtq