I am here
And that baffles me
How much longer
Must i fake;
Must i lie like i
Love to love the love we love
Thats in love because love is a mask that never was.
I am what i am
And that baffles them
How much longer
Will i die inside
Writhing and screaming
Waiting for the world to be what it should be and end.
Like a pickup line to my sanity
Ill rip through the void;
Ill crack; burst apart eventually.
What fears ail me
So intangible yet enshrouding
Blinding me as i walk the coals
Of your speech and reverie
Is it your life im shamelessly
Crouching in the corner of?
Is it your soul im eating
Snake end to end
Unraveling and racing towards the beginning
Just to be at the end.

Anxiety, anxiety, anxiety, let's talk about anxiety:

The laughter felt hollow. "Just kidding!" they'd say,
But the jokes they would tell held a sting in their play.
Offensive and cruel, a twisted, mean rule,
"We're not racist, we swear! We've a friend from your school!"
But I was that token, the one they would name,
While behind all the laughter, I felt only shame.
A knife in my back, a malicious sharp crack,
A constant reminder of all that I lack.

One day, I strolled in, a grin on my face,
Reception was cheerful, a welcoming space.
Friends gathered quickly, all happy and loud,
We played soccer together, praised high in the crowd.
“Just kidding!” they laughed, as they tossed me the ball,
But even then, a small shadow began to enthrall.

The next day arrived, and their smiles felt so thin,
Sweet words they would offer, but something felt grim.
“Are you okay?” they would ask, with a glint in their eyes,
But behind all the kindness, I sensed a disguise.
A clinical comfort, wrapped tight in my fears,
The laughter felt forced, after all the past years.

So, I started to distance myself from the crew,
But their antics just worsened, a horrible debut.
Pretending to whip, with their laughter so loud,
Making statements unworthy, they thrived in the crowd.
Avoiding their taunts felt like such a lost game,
But their mockery lingered, igniting the flame.

Now, when I walk on, I feel eyes on my spine,
A scrutiny’s grip, like I’m trapped in a line.
Each shadow behind me, a judge with a scale,
And I’m just the subject in this haunting tale.
The world feels so heavy, their power’s a curse,
I’m lost in the chaos—am I doomed to rehearse?

The burning condition,
Burnout of though.
To dream to be,
Impossible for sickly roe.
The rot of being,
The not of doing.
Anxiety, tempting it covers,
A blanket of roughness.
A coffin of distress.
I will bring blackness,
Though empty it may be.
I bring the darkness,
I bring comfort.

Beyond the chipper cheerful rays of sun.
Lies a dark and hungry oblivion.
Where horrors shed obsidian garments.
Nightmares claw at your hidden compartments.
To unleash terror's shadow,
upon your thoughts distorted glow.
Behind every sun is a dark lark.
Laced with fear's song to sink your heart.

Nearly midway through April,
Time doesn’t intend to move any slower.
A new chapter will soon begin,
When I’ve just gotten used to the one that I’m in.

I’m going through changes,
Yet, I still feel the same.
Can you even notice,
By my face?
I’m going through changes,
And it’s draining me.
I just hope that the mirror,
Doesn’t show someone I’ve never seen.

Life is building up,
Responsibilities are growing.
I am on the cusp,
And the exertion’s showing.

I don’t know where I’m going,
I feel like I’m lost.
I know that I’m growing,
But at what cost?
Childhood is dying,
Yet, I remain.
Am I really myself,
If everything’s changed?


Whether it be death,
Of family or a platonic friendship.
Never any rest,
Leaving behind relationships.

I hear change is normal,
But does that make it okay?
Constantly counting,
The fading days.
Ticking and ringing,
All around the clock,
Constantly begging,
For it to stop.

The discontement and resentment,
The words people misuse,
The friends people forget,
The love they abuse.

If I could press a button,
And pause it all.
I’d keep the world frozen,
Stop the spinning ball.
I’d enjoy the moment,
Forever slowed.
Perhaps then I’d get it,
And learn to cope.

If changes weren’t so scary,
Maybe I’d be less frantic,
Perhaps the soldier and the poet,
Would love more than they’d ever know.
The wolf and the sheep,
Bound eternally.
Perhaps the old cat lady,
Would’ve been seen more fondly.
The demons we often hide,
And my paradigm.
What happened,
With time?

I’m going through changes,
Yet, I still feel the same,
I just need some patience,
If that’s okay.
Let me catch my bearings,
And hold them close,
They’re all I remember,
From the times I love most.

It’s the crisis of connection,
Why the beggars feel forced to beg.
Why the little tree was hydrophobic,
And the alien searches for a suitable planet.

Pictures are all we,
Can do to protect,
The precious memories,
Our brain forgets.
As we look at the fragments,
Of the past,
Oh, how we long,
For those times to come back.

If I could change the world,
It’d be different, that’s for sure.
Perhaps these changes,
Wouldn’t feel so absurd.

I know hundreds have done this before,
Lived through life,
And walked through all the open doors,
Dodging the strife.
However, one thing,
I’m not sure you see,
Is that none of those millions of people,
Were me.

Fear starts to peak,
As routines reach their endings.
All too quickly,
Is this how it has to be?

I know growing older,
Is just part of the deal.
I just need a shoulder,
Someone to heal.
To let me take a break,
To pause,
But we can’t,
Perhaps peace is just a facade.

Am I worth hearing,
My biggest critic keeps asking,
Pieces of my mind fracturing,
As he just starts laughing.

I’m going through changes,
Yet, I still feel the same.
Can you help me?
Can you point the way?
There’s no need to worry,
Cause I guess I’m doing okay,
The sky’s the limit,
I just have to be brave,
And face these changes…

I used to think I was an anxious child.

Now, I realize my parents
Could never accept my love.