Drown me.
Tie a weight to my ankle—
make me claw for breath,
for I am always gasping.

I drown in my thoughts,
in my room,
in the silence that screams back.
Frustration gnaws at the edges of me.

Give me a fairy princess
with three wishes.
I’d wish for contentment,
for solitude,
maybe love.

Love—
what a strange concept.
To seek it is to spiral
through glass walls
and unanswered texts,
through the echo of being too much,
or not enough.

I want to be loved.
Is that so hard?
Is it possible?
Am I that difficult?

Possibilities and difficulties
are the seams of my skin.
An easy life?
How dull.
How dreadfully monotone.
I crave the spiral,
the chaos,
the nightly existential cross-examinations.

Perhaps I’ll find happiness.
Perhaps I won’t.

Drag me under.
Let me gasp for breath.

For I wish to be your pawn
in your well-worn game of chess—
a match you’ve played countless times,
where you already know the ending.
Checkmate me.

Play me.

Unsettling feelings settle in,
Distraction without cause.
A million plans of what to do.
Overwhelmed, I pause.

Minutes become hours,
And fast turn into days.
Days drift into many years,
Evidenced by the greys.

Trapped inside this vivid dream,
Broken, Sad, Forlorn.
Finding peace with moonlight's kiss,
Hating hopeless dawn.

'It all gets better in the end',
Simply, I don't buy it.
Stifled deep within my heart,
This haunting disquiet.

the abundance of possibilities
is making my stomach upset.
i feel like i forgot something,
i feel like i'm always catching up.
the ceiling is getting closer,
i think i'm about to throw up.
everyone's asking who i am
while i dream of a factory reset.

the sun's bleeding into the horizon,
the sun's taking its time to settle and set.
the infinite number of possibilities
is making my stomach upset.

sometimes when I talk
my brain moves faster than my mouth
leading to jumbled up words and stutters
most people don't care what I have to say
so I stay silent
barely a word slips from my lips
you can say I'm shy
but what do I have to say
if nobody listens

I was torn from my slumber
Like moss from a stump
By little kid fingers.

Forcibly ****** back into a reality
I did not want to live.

Because in that reality
My family becomes
Monsters.

And I become a slot machine.

A sewing needle pulls a red string
Taut against the flesh of my lips
By my own hand I am bound
From my mouth nothing slips


day by day
i try to walk away.  
it chases me while i’m trying to forget.
it’s not someone, it’s something.  
feeling like i’m lost, feeling that i don’t have a say.
day by day.
i try to stay away,
stay away from the thoughts.
i don’t wanna betray myself.
trying to rely on myself.
day by day.
i just accept my fate.
is it truly mine to take?