Spit in my eye,
knock me to the ground,
shake my soul into place.

I need to be grounded. You need to step in before my mind takes the best of me. I would not put myself in this position of pain and suffering if I was any kind of strong, but alas..

You must save me from this sea I have thrown myself into, I cannot swim..

I am becoming pulled apart and sewn together all at once.
Why am I feeling like my heart is now new?
It is a strange emotional thing in my chest.
I cannot put thoughts to words nearly as well as I dream I could.

I’m gonna make you proud of me..

I think you look much more alive in the daylight.
I like how real you become when the sun glints off your smiling face and emphasizes your striking eyes.
You are wonderful.


God is gently pushing me somewhere. I feel that now. I am so excited to arrive there.
He’s disiplining me like mad, though. I’ve been brought to great humility lately, it’s making me think before I speak. it’s like I can’t stop making an a-hole out of myself to save my life. I really hate it.
My mouth will speak a spring of life,
and perhaps my heart is filling with an abundance of something worthwile..

*"Tongue is a flame, let there be Grace.."

Of being me.

Tired
of what haunts me.

when you can barely
put these thoughts
into words?

I am intrigued.
In the daytime I’m happy and nothing seems to bother me too much.
I go about my day good naturedly and laugh and smile a lot.
When night comes all the things my thoughts come back and I become sad.
Everything that makes me upset jumps around and shuts out my joy and it’s really overwhelming.. No matter how happy my day was.
This happens all the time now.

I do love my life.. It’s the foul black night that tempts me.
Yet I still somehow love the night..

Still i must strain to see through blurred eyes, my Creator is cradling me under moon and sun.

good night earth

I am
weary,
and apathetic,
and have stopped caring
about so many things.

I can’t catch a break
between wars I
tie myself into
anyway.

I wanna go into solitary living
out in the glory of nature
and go unheard of for weeks.

That would heal me.

I abandon these
things to
get reconnected for
a lifetime that
is actually perfectly
meaningless but Lord how it
sparkles in the sun..
would you ever
think it couldn’t
benefit me?

I am a pawn,
and I lie
like a rug.

Until I break my heart of hatred down to a core of patience and compassion

I will bring my talents back, they will thrive, and I wont throw away what You've given me any more

I will try to believe you when you said, its not too late for any of these things to happen.