sometimes the poles of the earth dont quite line up
i know the physics of the situation doesnt reflect it
but ive seen it happen

if earth is the mother then who is her daughter
and is geomagnetism recessive
or is it more of an affordance
becaue sometimes i feel like ive been near her
like ive felt her gravity tugging at my skin
its hard to describe the way she says my name
when my eyes are tired and my limbs are heavy
i can never tell if its a misfire in my state of partiality
it always does feel like neurons colliding sideways
like rubbing a thistle backwards
but theres a certain charge in the air every second thursday of the week
there are moments of clarity in which i can taste the shift of atmospheric pressure
in which i feel such elusivity formed concrete so briefly
and in these moments i can just make out the reddened sky through my half lidded perceptions
my neck will prickle and my cheeks are always wet with tears but i can never pin exactly why
the trees beyond my window are no longer green
and theres someone at the door i think
but thats when i will fall asleep
i never meet the visitor i never see its face
at least i never quite remember when i wake
but my hands will have a certain texture on those mornings
and it doesnt really wash away but rather fades until i can no longer recall if it ever even happened or if finally i will break

there is something up there
bending burning melting hurting
and it keeps me silent

do take it personally
I hate your personality
I don't believe reality
I don't think that it's true
yeah
another lost in lurkin' really
once again dropped ascend
a second rendered helpless
steal me
I felt this
I see you felt it too through and through
high and low up you go sky high and to the moon
though I wish you'd stayed on Earth, mate
cause space'll change a man
and now you're one I hate
yeah
so when I say don't wanna hang
go ahead and be my guest and
do take it personally
I hate your personality
I don't reprieve lethality
you know I speak the truth
yeah

we established rules what you think you doin
thought we had a deal man
why you go and ***** it
once upon a time
we had a good thing
but bro you makin sad decisions
it's completely maddening
I was havin lots of fun
and it seemed like you were too
but then ya just had to
go and break the rules
that really made me mad and now youre gonna feel my wrath
cause that's just how it goes when you biff it bad in minecraft

trademarked fingertips
your fingerprints
lips linger with lust luxurious
excruciating heat
of exfoliating sleep
peels layers of age and worry

slumber of silent lace
and your embrace
of slow paced laughter
is lime green rhymes
I wish of time
remember then that before the after
when there was happy
but ignored the matter
the sweats you let me borrow

tomorrow threatens better judgement
better such that bitter words stint
careful hurt get, if you don't feel it

there's no right answer to this

look away from the blood on my feet
turn your head when i fall to my knees
palms calloused from apologies and dreams
whispers from a part of me i do not wish for you to see

its so expensive just to stay alive
i mean imagine how it costs to thrive
experience a life of mint and time
like written rhyme but if it werent the rind of strife
the pith the side the bite
ill tell you what it costs to keep your life

a tax of mine is mind and spine
physically substantial
and soon to be a wound or three
it will become
critically financial
incredibly intentionally extensively pedantial
so thoroughly impossible to handle
quite the radical tangential that you could manage to survive this ******* battle

and yet how crucially essential is a victory to saddle that it is your very life within the throttling hands of rattled gods and brands
bottled shot and ran
right on down your throat
and yet they gloat and boast a new disposable feel-good care-for-you quote
but dont misunderstand they do not give a **** youre broke
broke of time and full of pain
i mourn the future

i dread the chest i dread the suture
the uncertainty will have no name
with nothing for the hurting to be tamed
nor a place to shove your blame

this is the pith the side the bite
this is the cost to keep your life

hellbent point of peace
eaten by jointed bells
sand balance spat upon
sawn palace grand hands
swimming riches switch accounts
amounts to ditch of winnings
a similar muck shared between
seams stuck to stick her head
to seek her simple dream

there was a heron in the sky when i crossed the street this morning. ive never seen a heron so far from water, so far from home. i watched it gently, despite the people walking. i dont always break the unspoken in this manner, and although ive been more often lately, it still is not consistent, and so feels notable in this instance. of course there you were when you werent and lasting considerably though considering what is normal to me this was not notable.
but a heron was flying when i got off the bus today.

i felt as rested as ten with completed checks yet really i was running on a miracle three with more boxes than i could carry with my hurting wrist and hurting knees -

dear god,
will you hold me so softly with mercy in your palms,
will you tell me so delicately what you mean when you speak,
will you set me so lovingly to the floor when you must let me down,
for there will come the time for me to die.

at six fifty pm they turn off all the lights. and down the block sitting at the stop, at last a moment to catch up, and that is when i saw the second one that day.

dear heron,
will you fly again so starkly with your ever fervent beauty,
will you seek me out so blatantly though subtle as you have been guided,
will you return so frequently further, but not so much you disappear,
for i would love a heron to fly when my time has come to pass.

holding you feels like an inevitable. intangible yet legible. i dont check the clock when im waiting for the bus. it will arrive when it does and when it does i will get on it.

i saw two herons on tower street today.

chasing hills beyond the glimpse
the glass has spilled its sour frost
lyrics bled by writers' heads
speech screeched positive red
catching captured charms of frame
sober melted peaks
blurred forbidden tainted progress
thumbs massive flashes glee

focused demands different notions
evidence mourned separate passions
stretching drama to brittle fond
an image of fame ruins kicking gone

work, heat, delta thermal
physics homework is eternal
pressure, volume, temp-er-a-ture
writing numbers of im unsure
diatomic, radiative
canvas grading is creative
gpa extrapolated
ideal gases suffocative
but i only need to pass
to relax at long last

the hands have turned in several circles
and here I am at last
my head between the leveled curtains
behind me, left for past

the future veiled by pleats drawn
undone a twisted cord from imagination
I see a lonely boy growing old
in cubicles and grocery stores
condemnation of pc screens
drifted words become
the only voice stony cold
I see a lonely girl growing old
in tiny houses with empty rooms
and a stuffed closet with nothing used
whipped stirred and done
the bony choice joking folds
a lonely person growing old

tears will well, in weeping fell
but clear eyes see fear lies
because of course beyond the curtains
nothing's forced and nothing's certain
thus all could be reality
it's mostly knowing keeping bold
just wait and see what's next for me
I won't be lonely growing old

sticky walls hug my heart, forever closing in
I'm trapped inside, secretly I
never felt my skin

neither have I ever felt the entrails of another
the very core the center most
all just seem like covers

for some, of course, this isn't true, and great respect to that
but I have no word for myself
I simply am abstract

over time
aspects will adjust some
I never feel the same two days
never like the same two names
and thus, my gender's Custom

gymnasium
so amazium
blowin my cranium
my **** so hard like titanium
thats crazy insanium
like cadmium geraniums
caesium uranium
wild pounding atriums
emblazened with palladium

potted paints in tins
glass water bottled dipped with brush's tip
crouched at a baby table back hurting knees hurting hand hurting head hurting
this is art
watercolored spit is this enough for you
of course not

another cake but without cream
my tooth lethal leveled sweet
didn't even read
fine print in the footer
of birth certificate
"may contain mentally sick"
I'll die of too much sugar
if not first by bullet to the head or any particular sharp edge
this house takes anger and consumes it straight
presumes hate
don't touch me
I don't feel safe with my roommates

rip the star from my mind
hold the sun to my eyes
grip a handful of time
feed me delicate lies

put the moon in my throat
pull the tide til i choke
with the night in your fist
it was cold when we kissed
like the surface of ponds
undisturbed in your palms

tuck me into the sky
leave my body to die
leave my body to die

nearly noon oclock at night
phone screen poetry on a shared queen bed
the kitty woke me up this morning
his sweet little paws so gently said hello
a fistful of minutes and my toes touch the floor

i never understand the fridges of anothers home
but eggs are in the pan and pancake battered bowl
red room breakfast, black tea in the car
water on the ground sleeping soundly
cash back in the pocket
it was perfect pacin walkin
upstairs adventure with a basket of snacks
you called at just the right time for that strawberry milk pack

dorm couch poetry next to different angled conversations my world in rotation everything falling into place i dont know how to convey to you the magnitude but holy ******* **** i love my friends *******!

driving down the [] trail to ikea
cs backup in the backseat lackin sleep stacked up
parkin lot food keepin stats up
as the five hour campaign begins as it seems itll last us

why the ***** was it so hot in there

two weeks later and ive finally found a bathroom
(now i understand the scps and backrooms)
cleaning closed to women so its great that im a man or at least enough to take the handle still on brand but -
ive come to see things so unlike the way i have before a total norm to have the room with another human being it doesnt bother me at all in fact it feels natural sharing walls ive never been there on my own like that before -
such exhilaration from a stall inside a store and everything has changed,

Everything has Changed.

(fading bruises blue i never thought id heal in truth)
but actually outside of me every little thing has stayed the same -
and it is my lungs that have been shifted since the air that i am breathing is not different its just never like i used to

weird *** food court and a homework champ
bluetooth music with your mandatory lamp
hurtling down the aisles in a flatbed cart/
clambering the scaffolding
hampering the staff it seems
i say this dearly but you three quite sincerely
have a chokehold on my heart

ive never tried konjak jelly and ive never heard cherry wine but boy i cannot wait for these to be the first of a long string of things, immerse me in your lives submerged and intertwined i want to love you guys for a long long long ******* time

i only wish to tell you
the things i cannot say
its not that its a secret
its just that i am physically unable
and so i remain
forever aching to convey the unconveyable

i w_rry __u will s__ _nd r__d _nd und_rst_nd _nd s_ i c_ns_r m_ _wn w_rds _n m_ _wn p_g_s, _nd m_ h__rt c_nt_rts; th_ s_rr_w runs d__pl_ in m_ bl__d, i _m sc_r_d it will n_v_r l__v_ m_ v_ins - but lif_ m_v_s\ _n _nd m_ l_v_ f_r __u __t c_rri_s - _nd _ll i h_v_ t_ s__ is s_rr_.

coming fast and about to hit
speed of light but even quicker
dissociated limbs that quit
a losing battle a quiet whimper
iced up feet in sheets of liquor
falling heads with IV drippers
crippled bones and blood made thicker
atrocious ripper zipped but flickered
wicker tricks grip wits of fleeting trips
grow weaker writhing trickled sick

ashes on a dresser's top
a candle lit for one
a deck of suns and split are some
stopped in small hands lost

a single boy fell to the floor
the messenger brings news
for few is it a story through
for most worn cards are torn

frozen mountains burned alive
familiar heads on security tapes
pleasure never measured in despair
upstairs dirt escapes
painless painted panel quaint
a king's bone split fate
constant midnight calls
hunger chasing useless cure
rings list cost installed
movie plans ocean braid
swayed stolen chains enthrall

Very distracting kind of abstract
Cardboard laundry hamper box filled with soiled time
Wash your clocks and clean its hands
Lord knows how often seconds wipe smiles from faces
How unsanitary, which I can't stand
But yet, the crumples of crinkled sheets cast aside
Though should reside in washer's spinning bowl
In actuality slumps glumly on my floor truly self extolled
How will I ever do on my own, after leaving from home
I'll be alone and hungry and ******, nothing but skin and bone
Anyway
It's time I just get those sheets washed

she advanced like a gunshot
right through my heart and my life
pierced my chest with a blade
but there was love on the knife

☆
crispy gold nugget in a wendys bag
drive thru love with an s class grade
☆
poetry plum picking purpley sky
pernicious persnickity perplexing but why
perilous prudent pervasive and high
plentiful panicking poetry pie
☆

blackened bones cracking in the flames
im sinking, heart drowned, disparity compounding the remains
and this is all i know

if offered potentially bothered could that be the downfall
though left to another, untethered, lost lover, wheeled away
hoarse-throat fear i cannot lose you i cannot lose you
but neither can this stay

it is on occasion, more frequent than before
that i see in you, such that ive seen scorch
the heat is calming, until it is too much to bear
fire in my stomach, too much for me to share
molten marrow dripping from the ribs
and from the eyes, burning, freezing, twisting, bare
i care too much to tell you how i think that you will fare
this light that is entrancing, it will keep you blindly petrified
try not to stare, turn away, though i know you wont you cant im terrified
im scared

and i am here just barely, just hardly
the heart in cremation from unchecked eyes, severely unemployed mind
im sorry im sorry im sorry

but what am i supposed to say
when collar bones hold souls
captively in rapture
fractured aspirations, broken realizations
with dark unsanctioned swiftness
partly breathing patience
but i cant relive this
and im sorry and im sorry
so please
offer me fogiveness

with a look watch the book take it took rather light cooked
make it shook talk it rook follow soot would it
round the bend do it send feel a wake water trend
bake it rake it shake it till the faker is in bed yuh
shoulder coulda stayed for awhile keepin aid for a style
walker talked bottle hotter followed crept exiled shocker maimed
framed with it same day lame couldnt
major minor sold in diamond whiner keeper copper folded daughter locker tamed with it
back bridled shoulda
game sided woulda
fallen to be crawlin fists of dollars to be callin funny
money money money money money keep it comin honey
vent sobbing bold bent red bawling
solder didnt
and a wicker minute
**** crawlin in the bitter with it
on a back mast bad stack wrap blast betcha dolla nab fast lack that banned cast which stood it
wouldja fall in with it
book could it
wouldnt walk straight in the face
with the way that he took it like
**** did it
and he gotta sike it all inna weird wet way like a sun under fog on the bay in the rain on the wall
pit type woah stay to wicked
flip right phone pay to win it
bit lye misty oughta sit throne may u finish
sit tight so there fake to spin it

the clock turns slowly
but the calendar quickly
soon my heart's lonely

past tense, more than I
for tensely, I am current

I might ring you in the afterlife
visit your apartment across the way
if you give me the gold in your veins
pump it directly into my eyes
I don't ever want to see reality again
I might ring you in the afterlife
break your porch swing by accident
apologize but only if it's dry inside
and if you fax me the last breath you took
I'll keep it in a jar
and if I ever need some fresh air
some blessed air
not by you, but by the holiness of lost life
I'll break the glass and consume
I might ring you in the afterlife
so be waiting
if you've spoken with Truth and Time
I'll trade Her number
beauty itself, the face of Liar
and maybe one day
I'll ring you in the afterlife

you've never seen their mornin
never known their everyday
don't know for them what is normal
careful what you say
what you say, what you do
watch your actions careful too
don't know what they been born into
what kind of baggage came
with their family name
cause you ain't never seen their mornin
ain't never seen their mornin

off and out into the wild
into the light of day
walking down the street
nothing special just mundane
self confidence picks up feet over concrete
this is what it feels like
to be yourself to be for real [sweet!]
sometimes a real feat
just to be yourself a real feat
a real feat
sweet

search and seizure
homework in the park just leisure
nothing wrong except for question eight
turn the page of the packet wait

pain killer's killed by time
constricting stomach folds inside
poppin pills in the park
not the kind for after dark
just some pain killer
brain filler
when mind's filled with hurt
torment
torture
only pain around the corner
pain killer
pain killer

you see what you want to see
perceive what you only already believe
bias/
drop your false pious/
your badge doesn't make a preacher
abilities abused only makes a cheater
just assumed the pills from a dealer
but you ain't a mind reader [nah!]
you ain't a mind reader

stop and take a breather
check your reason before creepin, search and seizure
give some space, search and seizure
not your place, search and seizure

search and seizure

i know that if i touch the glass it will ripple and shimmer and light me on fire
i know that if i drink from the waters edge that i will never return to this side
i know that if i lean forward i could kiss him and just as easily lose the entirety of my being
for at this window i find it is the bridge from my body to the world and i can feel it pulling me in
and if i let it, it would make me into the universe and leave not a single trace behind

cant sleep when theres fire on my face. the heat upon my legs and arms it weighs above the cushions, and on the other side behind the screen and on concrete careful - in the perch, a watchful eye dont think youre clever. it is cold and it is gentle, and there are airplanes in the sky - today i talked to one about satellites, and i wonder if the stars will reach down for me tonight, and if i will bend so slightly forwards to meet them as they fall - though with city lights i doubt they will at all

.
1. benadryl
2. earl grey tea
3. creation inflicted upon the world in fervor and apathy alike, burning afterimages of annihilation deep within your skull, it is the very heart beat embedded in your skin that unnerves you in the night
4. count to ten
5. again.

will you let me down easy
lower the webbing so gently
dont let me hold on to the putlogs so tightly
soften my grip on the entry
lay me to rest for a century
back fill my memories with petals
write on the stone with intention
eventually visit to tell me youre ready to witness acension
breathe in my lungs with devotion
release me completely without breaking motion
allow me to meet you in fourteen years and let my six feet of tears bring flowers to the fields

and will you let me down easy

will you touch my cheek without burning
and settle my sleepless turning
will you let me down in speaking
will you let me down so easy

viscous tears thick with love
a beauty so deep it bruises
transcendent and divine
the fire's release calling gently
caught entranced by the flames of immolation
heavy and profound
burning in your gaze

penning lemming blackberry stems lending friendship sending jam jelly mending slam poetry unending

calendar events days and numbers
jumped and wrought and carefully plundered
asunder to wander the wonder while over encumbered

you're the one who wanted the sale
yet you anguish over axles and hands
today or tomorrow or never bother and borrow
exhale frustration and stale anger for patience
may compassion expand despite demand

take me by the hand, and hold me by the throat
whisper in my ear
"you know you want this"

wieghted veins pump heavy blood
because you speak the truth
don't slit my wrists, but slit my soul
with those wicked words of yours
those wicked words of my own
as I feed them to your mouth

I tell myself it's you
I tell myself there is a you
but in this room, there's only one
only one to blame
sadistic sadness contorts within
it's my own hand around my own neck
I tell myself I want this

and I believe it

there's not much I don't know I do know
but there's quite a bit I know that I don't

fresh colors completely distantly constant
brother poet possibly gripping patience
smooth for ever eventually taking existence

a swallowed rolling branch of trouble
the blade expressed by monster eighty
compliantly shady driving a cracked creating whisper
bubbled rubble of weighty concern
does this hurt forget her it's Christmas, web surfer
a bloom adorned in restless praise
for tongues and lathes trail storms ablaze
lingered is west current laid
an unexpected place, for change

why yes
I do indeed
want to read
another single chapter

watch wait keep it straight, waking in the wind
stop hate seeking fate, shaking over sin
crop rate leaning makes raking money in
botched fake seeing snake, baking honey tin

it will be a piecemeal process wont it
perhaps its just the way that i am feeling
i know tomorrow will be different (or will it?)
but that does not make this nothing

it is tempting to make the cut
is it worth it when its always proven wrong
but i am scared
will the damage mend
or perhaps should i say will i care

at what point is history enough
when do i decide to take the jump
and should i consider the climb down instead
and by climb i mean getting dashed against the cliffside
and by cliffside i mean the wooden box of ticket stubs
where i awake in tears because she said that it was normal
but this was not the first time
and by that i mean if i were to break the curfew
where would i go if not straight back to here

inaction is a choice
i hope i will not stand so paralyzed in spring
id like to think its simply winter frost come early
but dependency has cuffed me

the expanse found between solid bones
a cavity so fatal it makes me wonder should i even bother
is my energy better spent if i just let it die
or should i **** it faster
should i even try to stay alive

to falter in stance once lost never lasts bent left enigmatic in an altered trance perhaps yet bought to a felt knot blotted ink tanking in the evening breeze precariously placed at a glance on the brink of gentle yet voracious helplessly encase us to the bone of waking stasis to the core of breaking faces dropped upon a metal plate with ease in case it is abrasive intentionally late and uncontrollably spiraling into hate

step one
to fall in love is to be expounded deep beneath the sea floor
imagine yourself with the entire ocean waiting patiently behind eyes
did you know that the average window is three thirty seconds of an inch
and the water at the bottom of the sea has a pressure over one thousand times that of the standard atmosphere
windows to the soul, you never stood a chance

step two
elucidated complicated and delicate
as if there was ever the option, but your mind will always romantacise, rationalize, projecting in masculinized manners
you think that you're so important, so perfect, so pliable, but truly you are simply periodic
this is when you start to find it harder to look past the inconsistencies, the unpuncuality, the irresponsiblitiy
throwing woodchips and delivering food for two
you can no longer pass this off as temporary

step three
the first person to ever say that they would like the opportunity to try
the first person to -
the first person to -
i certainly love you

step four
this isnt really about letting go is it
but there is the feeling welling up inside
as if about to filter into something different
something duller dimmer translucent thinner
will i ever would i wither
could i weather let it simmer -

how do you hold on to a burning pan without handles
when you have worked many years
when you have found a golden hour between two palms
when there is nothing you want more

beaten down by sand in glass
i wonder if i will be okay when it finally does pass

i cannot live on with it in my reach
i cannot survive letting it slip
yet neither could i ever grasp it ever keep it

step four
breathe in

step five
you will never be the same again
but you will be alive

(group poetry)
☆
fish warm
fish cooked and broiled
fish fresh
fish clean, unsoiled
☆
the bless-ed corn
ur hair it does adorn
☆
snorting god
☆
i responded with as much honesty as courtesy would allow
☆
my own words meant for someone else
coming back to me and applying to myself
☆

people change their minds
nothing's unconditional
traditionally habitual of human animals
predictably they always change their minds

but not you, no
you're not typical
you're unequivocal
I know exactly what you think
you're never finicky
because you unconditionally
unaccept me
your consistency is appreciated
as indicated by tears that ensue
so thank you
I mean it, I really do