you told me that you were
just playing it safe,
careful to keep your perfectly powdered face from grime
and getting dirt under your manicured nails.
you try to maintain that posture with poise and grace,
while others break their backs and crawl
on the ground on their knees and bellies.

you told me 
that you are playing nice.
you said that you are loving, caring, kind, and generous
and all those pretty qualities.
that's true,
but 
one glance at your eyes 
is enough to know fully that 
you are also
fearful and terrified.
you are a coward:
a prisoner of pride
playing god as you place your trust on yourself.
taunted by questions of  rejection, ability, and sufficiency,
you cowered in your high tower
instead of joining the frontlines in the fight.
frozen by fear
your heart has gone too numb and cold, for
the doubt and anxiety has put out your fire.

you said that you have won it all.
but actually, 
you know nothing.
nothing!
about triumph and victory 
for though the world has plunged into calamity,
you were never one with the army.
your bright eyes has seen death
but only from the sidelines.
you defile the purpose of your armor
by keeping it perfectly polished
when it is meant to be stained by mud and blood.

you told me that you were just playing it smart.
you said that it's only rational, logical, 
the normal human response
to take every measure to avoid pain and harm.
you behold the chaos
and cry 
"they are fools!"
and
you are 
perfectly
right.
they made themselves
into proud and shameless fools
for they know well that 
the fools are the ones chosen to shame the wise.

darling, 
just
stop
playing it nice, safe, an smart
for this is not a game,
this is 
war.
strip off the crown and ball gown and
pick up your sword and armor.
from your high tower,
run
to the mountains and fields
to the homes and cities
run
to the trenches and frontlines.
for it's either you lose your self or lose the fight

soldier,
warrior,
get ready to pour out sweat, tears, 
and even blood.
though you have yet to see
still,
claim victory:
the war has already been won
before it has even begun.

*it is
done.

And so the peak of night sets in,
Attempting to cloak me with its silent comfort.
Knowing my dwelling is the most peaceful
And my working spirit, the most productive
Under its silky, brooding wing.

It tries to pull me into its embrace,
Promising to erase all traces of the day,
This which is but one of many
That of late,
Are false in promise
And rich in disappointment.

But tonight, Lady Night,
I shrug you off.
I cannot, this time, be comforted
By your velvet touch.
Do not shy away, though,
For I suspect I will call upon you yet.

Lady Night, stay and talk.
You, of all around me,
Will listen to my wandering mind,
Take in my words like
Sweet water to a tree,
Something I cannot find
In humankind.
Stay?....


Life has not smiled upon me
In a while.
I know not
What wrong I did it,
Nor how I may make
My amends,
But until I resolve
This bitter fight,
I endure its
Unexplained revenge.

Despite all this,
However,
I throw myself on
The frontlines
For everyone else.
I still have the time,
Still make the efforts,
To ensure that the people
In my life
Have the kind of friend
That has eluded me
For years.

And where has it gotten me.

Not a question,
But a statement.

Because I know where
It's gotten me.

Nowhere.

Though I've encountered
Characters of all kinds
Throughout my life,
I have never before
Been surrounded by
So many people
So wrapped up in themselves
That when the walls come
Crashing down,
And the roof starts
Falling in,
I could wrack my
Weary mind for hours
And not recall  
A single soul
Who would be interested
Or even have the time
To lend an ear to my tales.

I find this to be
The Capital
Of all double standards
And I find it odd
How this has continued
For so long,
But so has my giving in.

Odd that, as they take
What they want
And walk away
Without a second glance
Or a mere fraction
Of a returned favor -
Which, in all honesty,
Could be nothing more
Than a listening ear
And a gentle embrace,
And an unimaginable weight
Would be lifted from
My mind,
My spirit,
My heart -
I continue to let them,
The images of turned backs
Forever burned into my mind.

I continue to give
What I still yet do not have.
And I am not a thief,
So I shall not give
What is not mine.


So what is the result?

Oh, Lady Night.
If only you had eyes
That could see me.
If only the stars
You held in a gentle balance,
Like diamonds in the weave
Of a spider's trap,
Were a way for me to
Show you
Where I am.

I feel a tiredness
I cannot explain,
A weariness
That will not leave
No matter how I try
To gather rest,
Though as of late,
Sleep is
An unfriendly stranger,
Refusing to even
Make eye contact with me,
Let alone greet me,
Or stay for bit.

I feel an anger,
A disappointment,
A betrayal,
And perhaps the smallest
Sense of...
Worthlessness.

Why should I feel
Any different?

The whole has made it clear
Just how valuable
My efforts,
My actions,
My friendship,
Is to them.

And if, for that,
I could provide a
Measurement,
I would have very little
To show you
Through your starry eyes,
Lady Night.
Very, very little.

And I cannot help but wonder
Why I continue to try,
Continue to utilize
My precious energy
In an ultimately,
Infinitely futile
Attempt
To make them see,
To make them care.

It's all just as well,
I suppose.
I have always had
A rather unfortunate
Habit
Of hoping for the change
In those
Who will do everything but.


But now,
Now, in this moment,
In the dark of this night,
Let the stars,
The silence,
And the infinite
Reaches of space
Be my witnesses:

There will be no more.

At least, not now.

I will, for now,
Gather my wits
About me,
And strengthen my resolve,
Encase myself,
So that I may
Fall off the radar.

The tiny green dot
That I have become -
Or that I perhaps always was -
Will disappear,
And travel off
The beaten path
For a little while.


I only need to reevaluate,
Need to rethink,
Need to heal,
And deal with these emotions
That plague me.

They are, of course,
My burden to bear
Because as you can tell,
Any hope I had for solace
In another being,
Any hope of finding refuge
In another's ear, mind, heart, arms,
Were swiftly extinguished
Like a gust of wind
To a tea candle.

I shall no longer
Waste my time,
Shall no longer
Linger where I am not
Wanted or needed
Unless there is something
I can give,
And where I am not
Appreciated,
No matter what it is
I have given.

Self-reliance.
Constant diligence.
Lady Night.

You will be companions now.

I ask that others
Do not call upon me
When you seek
A service
Or favor
That you could not
Find
In anyone else.

I will not answer.
I will not come.

If, however,
You feel so miraculously
Inclined
To call upon me
With genuine concern
Or interest in my person,
And in who I have been
To you...

If by some hardly imaginable
Chance
You remember
And acknowledge
When I was there,
And what I did,
And what I said,
To ease your souls
While I battled the pain
Within my own...
It would be
A comforting thing
To know.

At that point,
I may return.
But not now.


Lady Night,

Your cloak, please.

i am a passenger
free to roam on the east sides
of redundancy and table manners

flower markets thrive on dawn skies
arranged as tourist spots
the baker's fair selling eggshells
cracked on cobblestone soup
meatpies sold out too soon
appleseeds scattered for birds

i sweep them all up
and see patterns grow on my skin

let it not be said i did not try, i did not do
for too soon the the heat covers the shade as well
and not even the acacia can go without thirst

fill my cup with honeydew milk
and add bittergourd and salt

i can let philistine warriors come from the backroads
and enter the frontlines
if only to join you

This is a call to Arms
The time for action is now.
Our government is preparing for War
They're building walls and cutting ties
to conquer us they must divide
us from ourselves and from our world

This is a call to Arms
The time for Action is now
The board is set, and we, the Pawns, are all in our place, facing an enemy we are told to defeat,
though they appear to be identical to you and me.

This is a Call to Arms
The time for action is now
We must revolt
Lest we be sacrificed to Kings
To Queens, to Bishops
To the knights of the realm and the castles they call home.

This is a call to Arms
The time for action is now
We must band together to be heard
We will not be cannon fodder
For the frontlines of a culture War

This is a Call to Arms
The time for action is now.
Defeat looms ever closer
The Reckoning draws nigh
Will you stand and deliver
Or will you bow down and submit?
Will you face the coming adversity,
or brave the consequences
should you turn your back to it?

This is a call to arms
They've taken land and sea and air,
Poisoned them to **** us,
and then billed us for the repair.
The enemy surrounds us,
Threatening life and limb and freedom.
Demanding fealty and obedience.
Demanding tribute for the war chest,
And soldiers for the ranks,
Demanding that we pay the cost while they set price.
They want us broken, not just beaten
Only unconditional surrender will suffice

This is a call to Arms
The time for action is now
To chant the castles down
To fortify the streets
Against the tyranny and the hate,
Against powers of subjugation,
Against the evils of the world

now

War is hell
That fact is easy to tell
Cause well
Bullets fly
And people die
But I'll do it
Even if it is the pit
Cause I'll be a marine
Fighting to win
You'll say its a sin
But The US must win
To protect your freedom
To ally with the united kingdom
Fight our foes
That much you should know
So out I'll go
Lay down my life
I'm sorry if it causes you strife
But I must be on the frontlines
Now is the time
I'll do so that they'll live
Ill give all I can give
Cause my life has less value
And my life I'll give to you