One day at a time
My Mom's the strongest
At alcoholics annonimous

One day at a time
I count my pills
Doctor hopping prevents the chills

They keep her going
Her AA peers
Four months in, without a beer

They keep me going
Addies, I'm wide awake
Kolonopin, come reduce my shakes

So proud of you
As I look in her eyes
New innocence within her mind

So proud of you
Her oldest son
Living lie, I am one

Can't sit still, feelings overflowing
I grab a pill, my cravings growing
Trick all my doctors with false symptoms
Just to control my nervous system

They say life has ups and downs
When I'm down, I pop some ups
Pop the downs when my heart erupts
My morals gone, I am corrupt

One day at a time
Made that motto evil
One day at a time
Countdown to my refills

6/23
The pills don't stop the stream of poems flowing through my head
However I can't feel how the shapes of the phrases fit together now
I think the medicine has ****** the magic out of the alphabet


9/8
House ***** doesn't cut it anymore
I'm sitting at my favorite bar starving for human interaction
If everyone can go to sleep without help why can't I?
I can't stop panicking
I have two pills left
13 days before there is a reason to stay up late
They say history repeats itself
I am becoming identical  to the child I was before I scrubbed my veins out


10/04

"The doctor wouldn't give me ambien."

"Again?"

"Yeah, I'll trade you my Kolonopin for your Ambien"

"Deal."

An exchange of words between my mother and I.

11/13

My weakness came in the form of an oval shaped pill which put me to sleep
But not the ones the doctor tried to give me
I have started to notice how bad it is by the pouress wood of the bedside table being stained with ivory dust
Up the sinuses
Swallow some Xanax while you're at it
I haven't washed dishes in a week
****
I haven't eaten either

1/31
I left powder on the bathroom counter of my parents house
I hadn't realized I was addicted to you, and the sleeping pills where my crutch when you couldn't give me what I wanted
I knew I'd need something familiar when you left me
At least I didn't lose sleep sleep sleep over you

2/3
I asked for help
I'm fine
I'll be fine
I haven't really slept in years anyway

I want to know what it's like to have a quiet mind
I want to know what it's like to stop searching with nothing to find
I want to know what people are actually thinking instead imagining the worst
I was happy at first.
I saw lights and smelt perfumes
now its fighting my mind with everything that I basically "assume"
I went to parties and stayed out late.
Now I stay home and stay up late.
I sleep all day and I fight my thoughts away.
Maybe the medications are the way.
If you're fighting this too
I'm also with you
Not like the ones who say it
But don’t mean it
Yes, you are great,
While I fight my fate
While I fight it alone
On this flight where will I be flown
I do that sometimes
Make up destinations
with no expectations
just imaginations and fascinations
My god I need a vacation
where will it be?
to the land of Zoloft?
no
Maybe the village of kolonopin
OH
A trip to the Aderalls.
Yeah those feel about right
oh I bet I'm sight
I bet I'm a sight