Stay with me here,
You have just died
…
Take a moment to acknowledge that
And think about it
Think about how it’s all over

You will never speak to a loved one
cry uncontrollably
Or throw up as your mother caresses your back

You will never compliment another stranger
Or have a silent panic attack

You will never get a bad grade
Or lose a friend
For you are now dead

Congratulations, you made it this far
Was what I thought
Crying and jumping outside in the rain of New Year’s Day
As if I would never step into my house again

I was not nearly as happy that I got an A on that essay
Or that I’d exercised that one day

I was the most happy that I survived that one bad day
that I felt sad
I felt overcome with rage
Or overwhelming happy

I was alive
That was life
And it was everything
While simultaneously being nothing

We live to die
But we live to live on

Just enjoy now
Or don’t

Be positive
Or don’t

Play the piano that is our life to the fullest and
Most beautiful song;
The one with black keys too
But they don’t feel right in their own, do they?


I can only remember though
I suppose
Because we are both dead right now
Busy looking from a different point of view

I could feel it's eyes
On the back of my head

Preferably forgotten
Shoved aside
Ignored
It feels better this way

But nothing is forever

It dug it's way in
Infecting my mind
As it sat in my chest
And kicked at my heart
As it grabbed hold
of my breathless strands of words
And swung
To and fro
Back and forth

Higher and higher
It latched on tighter
So tight it hurt
my throat swelled
And my mouth opened

A gaping
Twisted
Sagging
Simper

As my watering eyes
flooded my face
In salty
Sorrowful
Sobs

So lucid,
so spiritual,
so warm,
and sometimes
screaming.

Joyful, humorous
caring for others,
and often fed up
with cruel meanings.

So nostalgic,
a few salty tears,
mingled self-irony.

Pulsating softly,
may these thoughts
last a little longer.
They want to live despite
the announced apocalypse.

It lurks at the back of your consciousness.
It dwells in the pit of your stomach.

It is strong.
Strong enough to exist -
behind the facade of calm demeanors.
Strong enough to swim against the currents
of indoctrinated beliefs of righteousness.
Strong enough to be the wrong amidst all rights.

It is the speaker for the voiceless.
It is the doer for the incapable.
It is the strength for the weak.
It is sweet escape for the trapped.

Listen...

It's there in the lull.
When all is quiet, you hear it.
Whispering, inciting, winning you over.

It will take you over.
It will steer the wheel.
But only if you want it just as much.