I didn’t love her for who she was.
Not really.
I loved her because she was like me.

Not the version of me I show the world—
But the version I’ve buried,
the one who knows how to manipulate affection,
who confuses attention for intimacy,
who’s played roles to survive.

She was familiar.
And I thought…
if I could love her,
if I could see past the mask and still choose her—
maybe someone could do the same for me.

Maybe I wasn’t beyond redemption.
Maybe sociopaths could be saved
by the very thing we pretend to offer:
real love.

But she wasn’t ready.
Maybe she never will be.
She did what I used to do—
took the love and called it useful,
until it wasn’t.

And now I’m left holding this hollow ache—
not just from losing her,
but from losing the illusion
that someone like me could ever be seen
and still be chosen.

I have rituals
for the first day of class
like a superstitious athlete
they get me into a good frame of mind
where I feel like a juggernaut who has total agency
and doesn’t need to seek validation
It’s a moment in time

I have all my books—stacked on my desk
they look serious—very nuts and bolts
I’ve beaten the syllabuses to death
to try to figure out where my power lies
learning is all energy, it’s a marathon
it’s hard to sustain that for the entire semester
so not switching off, now and then, is unrealistic

Still, I’m comfy in in a classroom (I’m a senior)
Good students are just a little weird.
I say hello to the moon so she won’t feel alone
I say ‘cheers,” before taking a shot of mouthwash.
If I lose my ID, my lucky pencil or something, I call out, “treasure hunt!”
When treating everyone to grubHub I ask, ‘the usual?’ When we’re done I ask, ‘how was everything this evening?’
If I see a random girl looking fabulous, I tell her, because if I get complimented, I think about it for a week.
.
.
A song for this:
Thetan by Single Gun Theory

I found you
                   d
                      e
                        a
             ­             d
                             Lying on the ground
                                                          ­    with a
                                                                ­        k
                                                       ­                n
                                                               ­      i
                                                               ­    f
                                                               ­  e
                                             In your hand
                      Knowing your death was on  purpose
                                       My heart
                S.    T.    O.     P.        S.
In the hope you would be fine
          Eyes cloudy
    Like an overdose on morphine
        But clear as day
  That it was a stab in the h      e
                                    a               r
                                             t
                     With a mix of oxycodone
                        Wish you were
                                                      e
        ­                                          v
                     ­                         i
                                      ­    l
                                       a
But fate doesn't

                           L
                              I
                               ­  E
               I'll join you in the afterlife
     With a match
Or a    n        o
       o                s
                e
                    Or even a
                                       e
                                   if
                          kn
           I'll figure it out
                                   I can't live
      with. out.- ------  
^-^^^^--------^^--------------------- *beeping stops

Tears fall down my eyes
As I cry
Cry
I want you to come back
Please
Stay longer
But you can't
As your bones are laid out in a heart
A heart to show you loved me
But you don't exist anymore
I've lost the ability to love......

What if two souls of symphonic stanza
With hearts full of haikus' hope
Met right here on Hello Poetry
By reading what the other wrote.

They'd send messages of meter
With affectionate allusions
This couldn't get any sweeter
Free verses with no conclusions

A poem crafted with emotions true
Was sent to one of the two last night.
It wants to say, "I love you more than words."
But instead reads, "I love the way you write."

They'll figure out in time that they're meant to be together
And I am sure that they'll make the cutest couple(t) ever!

it was a saturday, slow,
an early dark
dripping in my boots
i was a fool
to believe this
might simply end
with a whimper
when endings, for me,
are typically punctuated  
with a bang
a forest fire
a collapsed galaxy

i remember the
ripples of time
spreading out from
my fingertips
and i thought i might die
and it was terrifying
and then it was

silence
peace
a pool of
luxurious
nothingness

and then i was awake
left to wonder how survival
could feel like
such a punishment

i spent much of my
early twenties
convinced
my existence could be
pathologized,
explained neatly
by an icd-10 code,
convinced i was
maybe bipolar
maybe borderline
maybe something
anything
because a diagnosis meant
answers
a plan
relief...

the years since
softened my mind,
changed me,
healed me,
revealed the corrosive
nature of pain,
how i held onto it
for years and years
because it was
all i had left.

i put it down,
i said my goodbyes.
i don't google
diagnoses
anymore.

you wish you were invisible sometimes
to hide the scars and bruises on your neck,
'cause once you have been seen you can't go back
to being just a gap between the lines
of someone else's story,
of someone else's life.
now your disguise is too thin to protect,
now you've been noticed, captured by a net that keeps you still.
you wonder when they're going for the ****,
you're counting moments,
but they keep on slipping through the wires,
you wish you were invisible sometimes.

I can sense your hush,
Walking beside me,
What if our hands brush?
Why step away,
What's with the rush?

Sleepless nights,I wear them out.
But if i ran up to you,
Just wait and you'll see
How much i can show off.
Like the way moon charms the stars
I shine, flushed
Beneath your Light.
My tears floating as i become
Captive to your touch.