I'm so glad that you're here right now. You told me my gestures were so rare to find. But if I can control time I freeze it when you hug me. The comfort from your arms should last an eternity. You cracked my depression with your sweetest smile and compliments. Darling you're such a beautiful soul. Thank you for being so respectful and I counted 5 long and secure hugs. Only lie that occurred was me lying into your secure arms. You are a sweetheart.

Your tears fall from these clouds and I'm the one drowning. I'm sipping on a drink, you're on my mind and now all I do is overthink. Your smile haunts us in a way that drowns us heavily in pain. Baby you're always our cure of the end of the day. But darling you're no where near us anymore. Miss writing you letters to make you feel at home. Miss the conversations on the phone. You smile and I cry home alone. Your incident left us all defenseless. My hearts shattered and that's where I left it. But for you I'm a leave my arms open.

My guts told me her pleads for me isn't enough. My mind went numb and I'm paralyzed because this wasn't love. A fake, a distraction, a cheat. I guess I'm destined to be lonely. I thought you were serious when you said I was your only. Now I'm dropping tears while my hearts storming. Why me? Why lie? You met my family, I kept life private for a reason. I let you in but I guess you were the one teasing. Now it makes sense. Not once did I get a goodnight or a goodbye. All I've got were hellos and fake *** compliments. The time frame of me talking and calling was all a joke to you. **** my heart hearts. You did t even give me the benefit of the doubt, I'm out. My tears form as you're patching things with your man. I can't believe I was your side piece, I just don't understand. **** me for almost being happy. I guess I had a dream, but now I'm not at peace. You really ******* hurt me.

I know there isn't much I can do. But the thought of you harming yourself pains me in every way possible. The thought of you depressed kills me slowly. This is suffocating me because I'd love to take the pain away from you. There is a pound in my chest that takes my breath away. The weight on my shoulders brought me to my knees. My darling I know it's tough right now, it will take a long time to be okay. It really will. But I'd love to be your dose you take to suppress your fears. I can't say I'll always be there to save you, but I'll always be here to treat you.

She told me she fell for me, raked up a good side of me. Love piled like leaves. Before I fall, what do you plan on doing? How am I of worthy? No one understands it because I'm normally lonely. I talk to myself more than anybody. She fell for me? My love tried to hide but she found it for me.

A lot of you know about my paranoia,
I don't need the vouchers for the trips.
I've got a pass to relocate anywhere, but I chose to fight back. **** a anxiety I know I deserve better than that. I stomp the nope ropes chilling in my lawn, I stitched the wounds from my back. But I still managed to fall in the trap. Guilty of sin, in love with the pleasure. Ask my journal who clearly understood better. I wrote depression a love letter. But I'm a marry the greatest depression.... just to divorce it. Teach the darkness a lesson, light up my heart because self love will be my only weapon. A shot hit me to catch a buzz. Drunk mentally, sober pain. Back to square one, anger taunting me with a hit and a run. But I demand myself to stand my ground. Can't find me because I'm out in the open. You're searching for the broken. But I've made the repairs, my paper held me together with a pen. You can shred me all you want. I'm not about to let the anxiety to win, even if I have to refund my pass to return to hell. I'll dig up my demons to **** anxiety up. No amount of paranoia will take flight once I'm free. I'm a fight for me.

I don't want to just fall for love, I want love to fall for me. Simply or simply not meant to be. Either way I found myself lonely. I've got scars and flaws to make up. But sometimes tear drops wipe them away, sleeves can only cover so much. Just please don't hurt me the way I've hurted myself. For that I refuse to seek out help.  There was a illusion that filled my head. I don't want to classified as delusional so I keep **** myself instead. With the fear surrounding my fall, I find myself deeply in love with false hope. I predict no future but I predicted what would hurt the most. Little did I believe, I said I dint feel no ghost, but I'm haunted by any attention. I'm a open person, I forget to close my heart. A warming person who feels cold from the start. I've been so close as I've been distant and I know that's my bad habit. But how do you quit a bad habit if there wasn't even a commitment? Just feels like I'm wasting time finding no achievement. I don't think I can settle to anyone's agreement. I've always known me less, but others the best.

I know she ain't really been a mom. Everyone ended up leaving you in town. Life's been a mess lately with out dad. We hide depression by being upset and mad. This is the life I didn't want for you. I really wish there was a thing I can do. But we're Hall's we always pull through. Kills me knowing there isn't a solution. I wished you to have everything for you to receive nothing. My hearts breaks, I die a little. I cried a bit. Now I sit, now I wonder... what would dad do?

People say they don't have enough.  I've learned how to make the best of what I have. I am known for losing and winning followed by more losing. But I'm surrounded by good friends and I have a strong sibling bond. What more can I really ask for. I do get scared sometimes but that is the way of adult hood. I can't say that I am happy with some choices I've made in the past, but everyone has those moments. I am going to be working in a whole new level of change. I'm scared but yet intrigued. It's not far from where I live and it's dayshift. I'd say that's a win, but I hope I last longer than a few months. I'm so tired of starting over. But that's what makes my life a bit more exciting. A new job, hopefully a decent career. For that I will hopefully no longer live in fear but for the most important part....my new chapter.

I can't help it. I can't compare it. I don't want to lose it. They say the bigger you are, the harder you fall. I'm beginning to believe it's the same thing for love. Like, the bigger your heart is..... the harder I fall. I'm hard to love, but I love too hard. Harder than most. People preach love and loyalty, but they also preach one night stands and a month to month worth of content or a subscription. I can't say that I'm the one nor anyone's only. But if I may.... will someone.....the right one change that?

Voice wasn't loud enough, I'm going to have to remember you and us longer than your existence. With my feelings there has been a disturbance. So close to asking the doc for a substance. I'm not sleeping, I'm hardly eating, but hey atleast my hearts still beating. But depression feeds off my tears for your smile. I don't think I can ever smile the way you made me smile. My mama told me to be careful and  to be safe. Her honesty shocked me.... do I really give off the suicidal vibes? I've even been told my smile was just as broken as my heart is. Ever since then it's been a lot easier to isolate. Here's the real question.... do I need help? No that's not it.... who's willing to stay?

I can't find anyone or anything so close to me. As cliche as it sounds I still find love for the weirdest things, you don't need perfection to feel at home. A blanket, I sound, motivation to seek change, and even a adventure. People will come in and out of your life and that's okay. The must go on. No reruns, no returns, no going in circles. But I've learned that love has a life lesson. Love can be everywhere and you find yourself falling all the time. Maybe that's why I love Autumn so much. It's the beautiful colors to remind myself that I'm a colorful person like the rest of the fewer ones that are just as colorful as me. Until then I will always leave a porch light in my heart for the ones that are homesick because you have to have a little home in your back pocket.

They tell me they care. They have the time, love, and a emotional support for them to be there. I'm not prepared. I'm numb and I don't belong anywhere. Her love haunts me, I wish I can talk to her even in her after life. But she's supposed to be at peace. I wish I can join her but suicide is just not me. I cry, I hurt, and I'm ******* lonely. I wish she can hold me. The amount of time we spent on the phone. Hand written letters from home. Now I can't cope with out feeling alone. Darling will you give me a sign? Or some sort of message? I told you I was home safe, but I didn't know my home was broken into. Hard to believe I lost all of you. Hey sweetheart, just remember in my heart, our home..... my porch light will always be on for you. Come home safe I love you

Hard to believe you're gone. There was so many plans we had together! You're always going to be my baby girl. ALWAYS!
TOO THE MOON AND BACK BABY!  I'll always be yours. Remember when you said you wish I was there to save you? I definitely do. Kills me to know there was not a chance given to me to talk to you again. Now I'll lay in bed hoping I can hear our song and hear your voice. We'd talk for hours. Our weekends was the best weekends ever. With each second I've spent, I wish there was a refund to re-live those seconds again. You had the smile to cure my tears, and now it hurts so much I can't help to cry. I love you sweetheart.
Yours always,
Bel

She struggles with her thoughts. She holds every word he's said. Been struggling with the thoughts in her head. He's a liar, a cheater, and a beater. She loves the idea of the love she thought she deserved. But she's the one really hurt. They can never work. How do you tell her to let go when she regains the strength to keep a grip. But she shuts down in agony with his *******. He doesn't deserve your tears nor will he ever re-earn your trust. There is no love because it's a bust.  You can't stay under his spell forever. You deserve better. The worse part of all of this..... you still claim there was no other love like this! **** his loyalty because it was fake just like his ***** boy personality. With all the words you promised yourself. you're catching yourself into the bad habits. You lied awake, you're suffering from a heart break.

I never understood it when people liked me or wanted me to hang out. I've always been the social one but I'm low key not as social as you think. I still am more than happy to have the ones who make me tag along because I can't picture myself anywhere else. I found the good in every person I met. They're a few I found love for. Especially the ones I snap, text, call, or even have a drink with. My insecurities got weaker & my confidence grew stronger because you helped me through a few things. That is more than I can ever ask for ^_^ love you guys for that, Especially for the support when I do drunk poetry 🤣

You've answered my calls when I'm depressed. Happiness ignored me once again. It's me... still broken. Still finding more flaws, still being lame asf when I've had more than enough. Like the bottle I broke...... I can't glue my shattered heart back together. But I do still get better. I just don't trust myself because every day a flaw still haunts me. Very few trust me, but I refuse to beg for help I don't need saving. I grew up with a bad choice, screamed, cried, and lost my voice. I know I'm different, losing people had my tears dripping. But now I'm just not trusting anyone because I don't trust myself to be happy.

I don't feel alive I must already be dead. The thoughts suffocated me because I was lost and ****** in my head. Love kills and I'm leaving loved ones on read. I isolate in a dark room laying on my bed. Alone maybe, this grieving got the best of me lately. My happiness was their regret. As I get closer I'm seeing the ones I loved leave. Being lonely is all I can achieve. Replace me, trusting has never been easy. I prioritize the ones that use me. I'm no safer in my room. I still don't understand what to do. I forgot how to eat, I forgot how to take it easy. Why does everyone leave me?

A broken love can really bring out the fear in a damaged soul. When I was growing up kissing broken skin with a band aid was to make you feel better. But I can't kiss a broken heart :/ I can kiss lips, cheeks, forehead, neck, anything on the body for comfort. But not all kisses heal aches, I'll have to fixed and repair all the broken. But may my kisses and hugs belong to you as I try to repair the comfort of love. I don't think there was any way to show you my love but to reach out and be there for you as much as I possibly can.  The worse part of not being able to be your shield is that it can take seconds to destroy everything :( but for you I'd be willing to battle this and swing away the labor. I'd slave the over time for you my darling.

She began to cry to herself as she speaks with confidence. Her laugh screamed in pain. If it wasn't for who she had left, things would of gotten real bad. Sorry love someday I wish to give you more than what you have. "All I've got" she said
I wished I'd a saved her before she felt dead. She got worse by being left on Read.  He kills her, all he had to do was abuse the **** out of the heart she was willing to give up. It wasn't love. It wasn't okay, but it was her security blanket every night and day. Look at the ******* pain she's in today.

One day I hope to understand your appreciation, mostly because I appreciate you. You understood and helped me pull through. Been there for me more than my friends. Helped me when I was at a dead end. One day I wish to see what you saw in me. If I can give you a world, would mine work? Because I want the people I love in my world. Appreciation from you took the weight off my chest, I do wish you the best. I'll always be your family and your best friend.

I'm so insecure I forget what a compliment feels like. I sit here alone watching myself buy drinks as the beautiful people compliment each other. I have no clue if I'm jealous or insecure, but I do know I wish to find that unique person to enjoy my point of view. I'm like a lost and found item that no one wants to claim. I feel like that hoodie hiding away specifically because it's a ugly sweater. The irony because ugly sweater season is not far. I bring comfort, I bring warmth, and I bring loyalty but no one wears me. Am I insecure or am I something no one wants?

If hellos were meant to be goodbyes,
then would I be telling the truth or a lie?

A dozen of thank yous and a trillion of I love yous headed towards your direction.
I'd give it all to you in a instant. You said I light your world..... but you put colors into mine. A beautiful smile fits perfect with you... a beautiful girl. You have no idea how much you mean toooooo me. We dance and be silly and can still be closer each second we spend. The best part... I never have to pretend. I don't ever want this to end. I can write you words to gaze upon and no amount of words can express how you make me feel. Happy to have you in my life! It was you that brought the light <3

So beautiful,
Haven't met anything so desirable.
Interesting, intelligent, and pithy.
Full of sarcasm and can be funny.
She claims she's distant but is also in love with me.
Yet, she loved everything I didn't have to offer.
She can look in my direction and I can still be at awe.
I don't think anyone can be as amazing and as astute as her.
Yet, she loves me.

I swore upon myself to love.
How do I love? I can hear her voice in my head, I can feel emptiness beside our bed. But I swear I am more in love with your comfort.  It all ends the same. Starting as a secret admire. We meet and our smiles filling our minds with beautiful desires. It's adventures.  Just as soon as we love who we are... We change. The comfort changes, your voice lingers in my head. I still love the voices in my head as I visually think of our times we had. But I think I forgot how to love, I don't even remember how to love myself.  I began to say I love you, but it no longer feels like I'm saying it to you. Hell I can't even hear myself say it. I know you lost the feeling too. Your words had sunshine and rainbows every time you said it too me.  I began to feel so happy I forgot about the world every time I was with you.  Now the feeling is mutual. Our love yous and goodbyes began to feel less important each time. My thoughts and emotions were so colorful with you. with us.... Now its all black and white. All I've ever wanted was for anyone to love me... but once love I began to lose love as if I wasn't enough to love. I swore to love, not because we respectfully lost love for one another.... but for me to remember what it's like to love the importance of a being. Simply not meant to be, simply ready to be a light at the end of some ones tunnel. For the next one to love me... promise to treat me as if I am your first and last.