You dont have to respond... But I love you
I can't make sense of it. I don't know what to do
To scared to make a move and look like a fool
To nervous and nerdy to play this off cool
I know your smiling as your eyes read this
And even though we never met it's you I miss
Feeling like an absolute idiot with no relative thoughts
To write this was a self battle something well fought
I write on, in this poem of love I continue
Only after it was to late I realized it wasn't you
How love plays us in such cruel and undesirable ways
Ill continue to write, love and hope for that special day

Its stuck inside like a barbed pin needle in a voodoo doll
Stuffed away, pressed down and to be made to feel nothing all
Sometimes discarded for days, unlucky streaks leaves me laying for months
Since I've been bought I haven't felt love, not even once
Just propped up put on sad and pathetic display
Waiting for some kind of attention any kind of play
Sitting here quietly collecting dust and partial sun
Wishing these lifeless legs could get up and run
Treated and discarded as an old raggedy doll
Forever waiting for attention... That is all

I sit here in a quiet and thoughtless state
Isolated I watch all around me connect and communicate
Trying to see these "colors" everyone supposedly talks about
I try and speak, even laugh, but nothing comes aloud
Seeing ones smile, laugh, even breaking down to cry
What is it like to live? What is it like to die
So distant in thoughts that resemble near nothingness
Double eye patched pirate sailing without a compass
I wonder what its like to feel, I wonder what its like to live
Sitting ****** silent waiting for this apathy to give

there here, they have arrived
through the chaos they survived
wrapped in plastic and ready to serve
Telling myself these two I deserve
A dance and date
One for lust and one for escape
Making me feel like a real man
blue eyes and a California tan
They wanted me until they were done
Leaving as fast as they had come

Its kinda of embarrassing it kills me even more
The only two lovers a loving aunt and a lying *****
What is ***? I often wonder why its so highly talked about
Whenever I try, the past haunts and taunts they always walk out
I'm so full of love, caring, respectful gratitude
Does anyone understand the traumatizing magnitude
****** exploitation before I knew what *** was, just another toy
A ****** waiting for a pure love and lies quickly and swiftly destroyed
Humiliated and abused in every way made to feel like ****
I was the man, I was guilty, no way she did it
Almost eight years now... Since any kind of romantic relationship
I convince myself its ok, though There's days I often question and slip
Is it so important that *** thing everyone talks about
Or would someone love me and bring rain to this drought

Tonight, I just dont feel the same
Kinda nice, kinda a shame
Two friends left and there fading away  
Living yet another ******* day  
Depressed but I feel for all the wrong reasons  
Standing outside watching the skies change season's  
Sick of being a puppet, sick of being used  
Sick of my own messed up abuse  
Why can't I just let go tonight and be done  
No matter what I try life has become dull, nothing fun  
I don't even know why I write and communicate it seems all a waste    
I'm not even bleeding yet and blood I can taste  
Another struggle, another poem, another ******* day  
I'm at the point I could care less of feelings and what you say  
Most likely your just another problem I let into my life  
**** the gun, lets do this painfully slow with this here knife  
I've bleed nearly everyday just sitting writing this ****  
Another suicidal poem written for you all to put up with  
Dont worry though life isn't forever and neither am I  
But as long as I write Ill be your painful reminder to as why

Another poem written, be warned nothing nice
80 degrees today and I am feeling cold as ice
4 beers in not even a mere buzz nor tingle
Work the math work with me
Were now at 320 minus the one for feelings of (insert rhyme)
And came the flood of 100 emotions taking there toll
Trying to find relief with intoxication and rock and roll
That one minute just stole my 420
And there's 69 stinging bees, nothing producing honey
Add that to 37 years of chaos and madness
Its that time once again that we derail the crazy train
Another 12 plus 13 plus that sweet 16, not enough love to much pain
100 sleeping pills drowsy now definitely feeling sick
And I can't help but notice, I am dying with the numbers 666