his teeth are made of porcelain
because of a fist fight he
had in high school
& some days he's mad
at the world for no reason.
his little brother hits on me
at family dinners
& his mom thinks we
should go to church.
his ***** smells like pills
& the chemo burns holes in
his pretty skin.
i think heavy metal is ******,
but he blasts it in the car
no matter the time of day.
sometimes he hits my head
off the baseboard when we're
******* & then spends
thirty-eight minutes
apologizing.
his apartment is kinda small
& his upstairs neighbors never
shut the **** up.
his roommate is his best friend
& they like to talk to each other
through the walls of their home
even when i'm sleeping.
i smile into his lips every morning.

it's okay.
it's okay.
i love every second.

he didn't care when
i switched my birth control pill
and gained ten pounds in one week.
he didn't care when
my acrylic nail fell off
and got stuck in his shower drain.
he didn't care that i
cried black eye liner
all down my face
and his pillow case
every night
during midterms' week.
he doesn't care that
my beat up little car
is a graveyard
for receipts and water bottles
or that my hair
doesn't always smell like
strawberries...
sometimes it smells like
burnt oil and cigarette butts.
he doesn't care that i
don't always
say "i'm sorry"
when i should be
or that sometimes my legs are prickly.
he doesn't even care
about the cellulite
under my ***
or the fact
that my left ****
is bigger than my right.
he kisses my neck every morning.

*we're okay.
we're okay.
we're gonna make it
anyway

it's getting cold again.
not only outside, but in my head.
in my chest.
north-east October sits heavy
on my shoulders.
i've lost the warmth
of the sun and
that of his arms span.

and last i checked, you wanted it just as much as i did.