I'm sorry
because I can't control my broken mind.
Please, forgive me
because I don't know what to do with my toxic feelings.
You need to understand,
that my mind is dark and I have trust issues,
that some days it's impossible for me to care about the people I love.
I  don't want you to leave me,
because even though I can act like I don't need you
you are the one that's keeping my boat afloat.
But I'm not the type of person you need in your life;
You need someone willing to dry your tears
and I'm one of the reasons why you cry at night.
You need a lighthouse to show you the way back to sanity,
and I'm a storm that causes you  anxiety.
And because I love you
deep enough to realize how toxic I am to you,
so much that it hurts to see you hurting because of my words,
I'll have to say goodbye.
Because I care about you,
and if you stay with me
I'll end up breaking you.

I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.

(read forward, then backward, line by line)

I ran.
Not knowing what else to do
There was so much blood on my hands
It was mine
The kitchen knife
Caught in my chest
Guilt
Consumed by
Fear
I was heightened by
Adrenaline
But running on
Wasn’t enough
While trying to stay calm,
Losing control
It was me that would end up
Dead. Because
He was
In front of me
The whole time
It was too late
Trapped
I found myself
Locked in chains
My fate was
Death.

When that specific person calls your name
and you hope it’s not actually you
That’s what wanting to forget feels like.

When they hand you pictures
taken in a different dimension
That’s what wanting to forget feels like.

When they randomly message you
over some stupid **** you said
That’s what wanting to forget feels like.

When you burn every note
that they ever wrote you
That’s what wanting to forget feels like.

When you tear down every picture
you two ever took together
That’s what wanting to forget feels like.

When you delete all of the posts
on snapchat, instagram, facebook
That’s what wanting to forget feels like.

When you unfollow them
on snapchat, instagram, facebook
That’s what wanting to forget feels like.

When you hate yourself
for still drinking and eating their favorite things
That’s what wanting to forget feels like.

When even though you’ve gone through all this trouble
they still somehow find themselves into your head,
then your conversations,
then your poetry,
That’s what wanting to
(but not being able to)
forget feels like.