I am a scintilla,
A little blip on the radar
A barely detectable tumor on an MRI
The dullest star in the night sky.
I am,
But barely.
I’m the one
Who walks in the back of the group.
I’m the one
People only come to if they want something.
I’m the one
Who never gets invited to parties.
I’m there,
But nobody bothers to notice me.

Your eyes
Speak more
Words
Than your
Lips ever
Could.

You’ve told me many times

That you love me

But each of those times

I hear

I’ll leave you.

I try,

I promise.

It’s just way too hard

To believe

That I can have something

As amazing as you.

When it rains,

It aches.

This burning desire

Smolders inside.

The longing for you

Beating inside my chest.

My heart is yours.

I love you.

She’s lost in her daydreams
She can’t hear you
Or maybe she doesn’t want to
Because those daydreams,
They’re her only escape
From the hell she lives in.

Sleep is great,

Sometimes,

Because you’re not dead

But you’re not awake.

The problem is,

You don’t appreciate it

Until you wake up.

It’s an open polygamous relationship

With death

And life.

One, two, three, four and five

Everything must be done in perfect sets

Did I turn off the light?

Check again, again, again, again

Wash your hands

Wash them wash them wash them wash them

Brush brush brush brush brush

All colours lined up in order by the rainbow

And by shade

Or matching the box

Everything must be perfect

If not, who knows what will happen?

I could upset someone

And make them hate me

Or hurt someone I love

Why can’t it all make sense?

Why can’t it be right?

Why can’t it be perfect?

Why can’t I be perfect?

I want to show you how I see you, a work of art deserving of gentleness.

I want to hold you, to paint on you, to braid your hair. I want to whisper against your lips and I want you.

She stares at the blade in her right hand

the red lines covering her legs and both arms

making it impossible to see clearly

clouded by depression, tears, and self-hatred.

She cries for her best friend, who tried to end his own life the week before.

She cries for her mother, who tried to **** herself in front of her own child's eyes

She cries for the four boys at school who took theirs.

She cries from pain, sorrow, heartbreak, disgust.

The blade shimmers as it hits the tile floor

she picks up the pills

30 of them.

she'd been refusing to take her antidepressants

what was the point anyway?

she opened the bottle

poured the little white drugs into her freshly emptied hand

grabbed the full glass of tepid water

and downed them both.

She was beginning to feel dizzy

the cuts were so deep this time

but it was worth it

all of it

just to end the pain.

She stripped down to her underwear

and climbed into the tub.

She breathed in deep

coughing painfully

the burn was dull

but the eventual relief would be worth it.

She wanted to make sure she got it right this time

so she dumped bleach into the hot water

screaming as it burns her

crying as it seeps into her open gashes

croaking as she takes her final breaths

but as she lets go

she smiles

for the first time in a long time.

I'm home.

coffee and energy drinks and 3am drives and sticky kisses and one of the million playlists ive made and you and me, nothing but chasing the sunset until she goes to bed and the stars awaken.

why
are
you
doing
this
to
me

Your bruises

Went deeper than my skin.

They wounded my heart

My soul

My mind.

They ache

With such longing

For a better life.

It hurts

Because I love you so much

But you don’t seem to love me back.

Maybe you’re just scared

Of losing me

Maybe it’s just

What you always went through as a kid

Playing out

Involuntarily.

Trauma does that to you.

But the doctors

They tell me it’s not an excuse.

I kept my promise

And didn’t go to the doctor myself.

You just threw me against the wall

And I hit the metalwork

And started bleeding out.

You didn’t mean to.

I know that.

But you were scared

And the baby was crying

So you called 911.

It was one of the hardest things you

Have ever done.

And when it happened—

The incident—

You cried.

You felt so bad

You had hurt me.

You took that same anger,

That same fear,

And pointed it at yourself.

You pulled the trigger

Of your hatred.

You jumped off the bridge

And drowned in your depression.

I don’t have time to feel guilty.

Neither do you.

But we still do,

Both of us.

We both feel guilty

For hurting each other.

I was told that
If you still like him
After a haircut
Then it’s love
That sounds so
******* stupid
But I still like you
oops

You were always a priority for me.

Actually, you never were.

That’s just a lie

I fed to you.

You’re ******* worthless

And nobody loves you, *****.



(I am you).

I look up
And almost always
I see you staring,
Lost in thought,
Sometimes smiling.

Get out Get out Get out

Get out of my head

Leave me alone

Let me be

Why did you choose me?

Am I that weak?

Am I predictable?

Easy?

Or did you see the strength in me

And decide to slowly chip at it

Make it wear away

Little by little

Bit by bit

Piece by piece.

Do I exist

As a figment of imagination?

Or as a toy?

A tool?

Am I simply hear for your amusement?

I said

LEAVE ME ALONE

…no?

I’m sorry

I’m so ******* sorry

I know you’re stronger

You own me

I belong to you…

You win.

My mascara’s hella cheap

But I still don’t want to waste it

On stupid boys like you.

No matter how hard

I try, though,

I still do.

I’m ready to become one of the stars.
I breathe out a shaky sigh
Close my tear-filled eyes,
And
j
   u  
        m
              p

She flirted with death.

So did he.

They both smoked their life away

They both tried endlessly to **** themselves

But their parents wouldn’t let them

Because they were selfish.

They both drank

Nasty-*** ***** and whiskey.

Me?

I smoke those ****** vapes

And drink wine.

I’m a high-class *******.

We all accepted rides from strangers

We were all trying to run from our past.

But when we all loved each other in turn

But not together.

That was the most dangerous thing,

Love.

I want almost nothing more
Than to die
But when I’m near you
All I want to do
Is live life
You are vibrant
You are bright
You are life.

The soft ballad

Trickles into my ears,

Dancing down my spine.

Light on guitar,

Heavy on drums and piano.

It exists,

Like me,

Only to amaze you.

If it weren’t for you,

I’d perish

Because you are the only thing

Tying me

To this life.                              

You and the music.

So as we lie here,

On the sandy beach,

Water tickling our toes

And the stars illuminating the soft skin

Of your face,

I sigh.

Finally,

I am able to breathe.

With you here,

In my arms,

I know peace.

It overtakes your whole being.

It makes you numb.

It gives you the illusion of being real.

But when it leads you to defiling your own body

To malnutrition

To death,

You finally feel at peace when that comes.

At least,

You hope you do.

Because it makes you want nothing more than to die.

I’m trying to be okay

But I can’t promise you anything.

Those words,

Do they sound familiar?

Because you’ve said the same

To me, countless times.

I can’t promise I’ll be okay

But I can promise

That I’ll try.

Everything is numb
Grey
Bland
Tasteless
Blurry.
This
Is
My
Life
Now.

Don't eat!

You don't deserve food, you know that.

You're disgusting,

and fat.

It's pathetic, honestly.

I guess you can have some water

and if you behave,

and don't cheat,

you can have cucumbers

or watermelon, apples or celery

or something.

See?

I can be nice!

I let you have something to eat.

Whether you deserve it or not.

I didn't need to.

No wonder you love me!

                                          Sincerely,

                                            Your favourite,

                                                    Ana **

Your smile,

Your laugh,

The twinkle in your eyes.

They are my poetry.

They are my love song.

They mean more to me

Than your silly love songs.

I can’t believe

Just how soon

I’m leaving.

I hope you don’t leave me.

I’m so ******* terrified of losing you,

Too.

Sad teens

Happy faces

Always plastering on the fakest of grins

Barely enough to pass

As true.

It falters only

When they are left alone

In the middle of the night

With that bottle of *****

Numb, tears streaming down their faces.

Breathing out

A sweet sigh of relief

I told you how I really feel.

You smiled behind

Your computer,

Shaking your head.

How could I ever think

You wouldn’t love me

All the same?

When I get upset,

All I can think about

Is holding someone’s hand.

I wish that hand

Could be yours.

Why not?

He sits and stares

At the empty wall before him

Lost in thought

He hears the voices around him

Muffled

As he writes poetry

In his cruel mind

The peeling paint

Seems to mock him

Saying

“Watch this!

You’ve got nothing better to do!”

The air is frigid

So cold it seemed

To seep down into his bones

He listens

Hearing the screams

And cries

And pleas

For what little life

Any of the others

Was he

The only guilt-free one

In this whole ****** place?

He saw light

From the outside

Flood in

Is there a new prisoner?

Fresh meat?

New blood?

Almost as quickly as it appeared

The darkness swallowed the light

Yet again.

Darkness

swallows the light

dampening her spirit

making it impossible to breathe

what is the point

in carrying on?

Life is worth living

So live another day.

And every day after that.

Don’t spend it

Locked up

In your mind.

Get up

And do things

That make you feel alive.

id rather we exist in mutually assured healing than mutually assured destruction.

weve been destroyed enough.