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103 · Apr 2021
Untitled
aslan Apr 2021
want to give you all the love you deserve, physical and mental and emotional and i want to love you so intensely your soul aches.
103 · Apr 2018
SELF-HATE
aslan Apr 2018
I
HATE
MYSELF
SO
MUCH
THAT
I’M
FALLING
TO
PIECES
WITH
THE
THOUGHT
OF
IT
I JUST HATE MYSELF SO ******* MUCH
102 · Jan 2020
words
aslan Jan 2020
words keep spilling out of my mouth
adjectives, adverbs, nouns
but none of them seem to string together
in a way that makes sense
102 · Apr 2018
trust
aslan Apr 2018
i don’t know why
but i trust you
i have problems believing
the words you say
but i trust
that you’d never
hurt me intentionally
i really hope
that this isn’t a joke to you
that you’re not lying
because
i don’t think
i could
handle
that
please tell me it's real for you too
102 · Apr 2018
flowers
aslan Apr 2018
just being near you
planted those tiny seeds of love
in my heart,
filling the cracks with dirt.
but the flowers,
when they bloomed,
they reached through my lungs
and suffocated me
making me choke on the words
that you deserve to hear.
you are a beautiful garden
102 · May 2018
fear
aslan May 2018
what is it you fear?
is it the dark?
the inevitable?
the intangible?
the unknown?
i fear
losing you
long after
you have already lost me
and i have lost myself.
you are my anchor...
aslan Jul 2019
words fly
painting the afternoon sky
with dozens upon dozens
of dark nimbostratus clouds
and you're terrified of getting wet
but still, those ****** words
keep flying
aslan Jul 2019
this one's to you.
to the giant rolls of fat that make up my midsection.
beneath my torso
and above my thighs.
i don't recall ever being fond of you
i never loved you.
but i have to learn
since i've had you for years now
and no amount of diet and exercise
can seem to rid you of me.
i don't want you there
at least, not on me.
i tell people all the time
how beautiful they are
regardless of their pants size
but then i look down
and hate my own.
i've lost some weight, sure
and i'm so, so, so happy about it.
but i have to learn to love you.
you're soft
and warm
and a really nice pillow, i've heard
but you're also a sign of an easy target
it's because of you i've been hurt in the past
people see a fat person and think
"oh, they'll do anything for attention"
"anything for love."
well
they're wrong
and they're right.
i crave love
but hate attention.
i have someone now
who pacifies both
and who calls me beautiful
and truly believes it
but they still want to see me live as long as they
inevitably will.
i'm sorry it's so hard to love you
i just wish
that you were a little smaller.
i really hate my stomach region. it's so fat fat fat and gross.
101 · Apr 2018
emptiness
aslan Apr 2018
we’re all going to die
someday
even the sun will die
the stars will all die
the earth will die
there will be nothing left
but a vast emptiness.
i just said goodbye to someone for the last time.
101 · Apr 2018
fake
aslan Apr 2018
I smile
I laugh
I joke
But it all feels fake.
I’m not happy
I’m not funny
I’m not real.
I lie to myself
I lie to you
I lie to the world
Because I’m none of the good.
i m s o r r y
101 · Apr 2018
make it
aslan Apr 2018
i think
we’re going to
make it.
if i can
make it
that
long.
help me make it
101 · Apr 2021
Untitled
aslan Apr 2021
late night drives with you, hand on my thigh as I act the part of dj, playing songs that make us feel nostalgic for a time that has yet to exist.
101 · Apr 2018
WHO COULD
aslan Apr 2018
YOU
SAY
YOU
LOVE
ME
BUT
WHO
COULD
LOVE
ME
WHEN
I
DON’T
DESERVE
IT
I DON'T DESERVE ANY GOOD
100 · Apr 2018
YOU ARE
aslan Apr 2018
YOU ARE MY SMILES
YOU ARE MY LAUGH
YOU ARE THE TWINKLE IN MY EYES WHEN I’M NEAR YOU
YOU ARE THE BLUSH ON MY CHEEKS
YOU ARE
YOU ARE
YOU ARE
YOU
I CAN'T HELP BUT LOVE YOU
100 · Jun 2021
honeyvoiced
aslan Jun 2021
I want to hear the way my names sound
spilling from your lips
warm honey
dripping from your touch
you are love
100 · May 2018
wildflowers~
aslan May 2018
He
slices
open
his
skin
and
out
come
the
wildflowers
in a poetically depressed mood??
100 · Mar 2020
vol. 1
aslan Mar 2020
let us run to the field of flowers
sprinting, holding hands in the warm afternoon sun
daisies tickling our fingertips
all cares whisked away in the gentle breeze
100 · Apr 2018
you are the stars
aslan Apr 2018
   YOU
ARE    
*    THE
STARS  

      ON
A   *
CLOUDLESS
NIGHT
you're so beautiful
100 · Dec 2019
Oh.
aslan Dec 2019
Oh.
I don't miss this feeling.
This feeling when I start searching for
Yet another coping mechanism that won't work.
The feeling where I want to dig the tingling sensation out of my arms, shred them from my flesh.
The same feeling where I can't sleep amd run late for everything.
The same feeling where I can't bring myself to see the point in going on another day.
That ****** feeling of repetition without purpose, of knowing I'm better off dead.
Oh, I really didn't miss this.
:((((
100 · Apr 2018
now
aslan Apr 2018
now
i wanted to tell you
but your eyes,
they stole my words
and chucked them into
the deepest part of the ocean
mocked me
so i hid behind my poetry
but then you found it.
i guess that was a good thing though
because look what we are
now.
look at what we are
100 · Jul 2019
keys
aslan Jul 2019
My body falls in step with the waltz
My fingers with the keys on the piano
My pen with every gliding word on paper
My voice with the tempo of the song
My heart with the touch of your lips
My eyes with the pages of books
99 · Apr 2018
question
aslan Apr 2018
I was asked today if I loved him
No name was said
But your name came to mind immediately
A simple question
And I don’t regret my answer,
That whispered “yes…”
yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes
99 · Jul 2019
bloody tulips
aslan Jul 2019
meeting you was cutting our fingers on shards of broken glass, the broken glass my body / and then planting bulbs in the little corner garden at the end of our driveway / meeting you was taking those shards and repairing the figurine of my happiness with superglue / so those shards couldn't fall back off / superglue, a much better alternative to clear tape and bubblegum that finally lost it's flavor / meeting you was plumping lip gloss, taking what was once considered okay and making it beautiful / meeting you was ugly and dazzling and everything in between / meeting you was finding the worth in what we once considered worthless / meeting you was watching those **** bloodied tulips grow to their fullest potential / regardless of how others saw them
99 · Apr 2018
IDIOT
aslan Apr 2018
THE WAY I LET YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU IS BY
SMILING AND SHAKING MY HEAD, SAYING:
“YOU’RE AN IDIOT”. THAT’S HOW YOU KNOW.
AND I’M CONSTANTLY TELLING YOU YOU’RE AN
IDIOT. OPEN YOUR EYES AND SEE THAT I DO.
you're an i d i o t :)
99 · Apr 2018
I LO--
aslan Apr 2018
WHY CAN’T YOU LOVE ME AS MUCH AS I LOVE YOU
YOU SAY YOU DO BUT IT SURE DOESN’T FEEL LIKE IT
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LO—
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou--
98 · Apr 2018
Drunk on you.
aslan Apr 2018
I’m sorry

Was I not good enough for you?

On those late nights,

Drunk on the taste

Of your lips,

Stars illuminating

Your face,

All I could think about was

How I let you down.
98 · Apr 2018
Nights.
aslan Apr 2018
Some nights,
I lay awake,
Thinking about how much
I hate my life.

Other nights,
I lay awake,
Unable to control how happy I am,
Smiling like a fool.

A few nights,
I sit there,
Void of emotion,
Unable to cry.

But there is never a time
When you don’t cross my mind.
o v e r t h i n k i n g
98 · Apr 2018
Carpe Diem.
aslan Apr 2018
The world ends
Every night
Because is it real
If we can’t see it?
But we wake up
We begin again
The world is born anew
And we get another chance
We get a fresh start
A new day
And we need to seize it
Take the opportunity
And make life ours
Carpe diem, *******.
Carpe
Diem.
seize the day and seize my heart
98 · May 2018
leave
aslan May 2018
don't leave me alone
and i won't leave you alone
we can both
leave
together.
run away with me
97 · Apr 2018
Drowning.
aslan Apr 2018
With each breath

Her depression overtook her

Like water in her lungs

Or electricity through her veins.

She’s dying,

That fate we all wish to suffer

At some point.

She sits back,

Though, and chooses

To add more

Fuel to the fire.

She drowns herself

In ****** whiskey

And Marlboros,

Hoping to waste away quicker.

Maybe one day

Her dream will come true.
97 · Jun 2018
hayneedles
aslan Jun 2018
all you need to do
to find the needle
in the haystack
is burn the whole
******* thing
down
i'm baaaaaccccckkkkk
97 · Jul 2019
blue
aslan Jul 2019
everything is monotone in my eyes
a whole world of just blue tires my eyes
mind
heart
and soul
but blue is all I've ever known
sure, there are different shades
different names
The night sky is navy
the grass is teal
water air-force blue
but
blue is boring
blue is repetitive
blue is everywhere
my dad said once that his whole life was grey
my moms?
nonexistent.
96 · Dec 2020
sunset kisses
aslan Dec 2020
And she looked as if she had sipped the sun
her lips a ghost of what once was
and a promise of what will come
96 · Dec 2020
strong
aslan Dec 2020
stop saying that you know i'm strong
because it's obvious that i'm not
i never have been, truly
and i doubt i ever will be
adding the weight of the world to my shoulders
won't make me stronger, either
it will surely weigh me down more
weakening me
letting me crumble away
96 · Apr 2021
Untitled
aslan Apr 2021
kissing you would be bittersweet, words never said and words waiting spilling into each other.
95 · Apr 2018
sensucht
aslan Apr 2018
This is SENSUCHT.
This feeling I have,
The longing for something far away.
I want happiness
But it’s too far
Out of reach
Incomprehensible.
i hope your love isn't sensucht
95 · Apr 2018
Children.
aslan Apr 2018
Stupid little children
**** me off.
****** language,
Major attitudes,
And feeling pretentious.
**** them.
u g h
95 · Apr 2018
tonight.
aslan Apr 2018
I saw you
Tonight
In the stars.
Twinkling
As you cry,
Shining
Like your eyes.
You are love.
y o u  m a k e m e c r y
94 · Apr 2018
Not Jealousy, but...
aslan Apr 2018
No,

I’m not jealous.

I’m just…

I wish I had that.

Had her, or him, or whoever.

Had them.

Wish I had a significant other

Or even a friend

Perhaps someone who cared enough to hate me

To constantly make fun of me.

Because then they’d be thinking of me

Right?

I wish I had anyone.

I see you with them

And it makes me sad

And angry

And anxious.

It makes me plead

Every night

That I had what you had.

No, I’m not jealous

Or envious.

I’m just sad.

And lonely.
94 · Apr 2018
I'm real.
aslan Apr 2018
We are human

I didn’t make a choice

I didn’t want this

It just happened

I exist

Even though sometimes I don’t want to

Because this just gets way too hard

I am a boy.

Yeah, I still get my periods

I still have long hair

And these stupid ****

(I can’t wait to get rid of those)!

But I’m a guy.

Pronouns?

Oh!

Those are he/him.

Name?

Olliver Orion.

But you can call me Olli.

I don’t follow any specific religion.

I’m not atheist, either.

I’m kind of a skeptic

But I’m not sure what exactly to believe.

I kinda just am.

Problem?

Oh well.

**** it.
94 · Apr 2018
infinity and beyond
aslan Apr 2018
I love you
To infinity
And beyond
Beyond all space
Beyond all reason
Beyond all comprehension
Even beyond the universe
my family, my friends, and you
93 · Apr 2018
brokenness
aslan Apr 2018
If brokenness is art
Then I really am the masterpiece
You claim that I am
I must actually be beautiful
That must be why you
Can never stop staring at me
you are the true art
92 · Apr 2018
Home.
aslan Apr 2018
I want to go home

But I’m not sure where that is anymore.

They say home is where the heart is

But I love you

And you don’t love me.

You have my heart

But I don’t have yours.

Can you be home

If I’m not yours?
92 · Apr 2018
s p a c e
aslan Apr 2018
i m
o b s e s s i v e l y
p r e s s i n g
t h e
s p a c e
b a r
b u t
i m
s t i l l
h e r e
o n
t h i s
e a r t h
l e t m e f l y
92 · Apr 2018
Finesse.
aslan Apr 2018
This takes finesse and focus,

None of which you have.

This artful dance

On that fine line

Between love

And hate.

You treat me like ****, sometimes,

But we all know better.

We all know you don’t loathe me,

That you

(at least)

Love me as a friend.

Perhaps something more.
92 · Apr 2018
vellichor
aslan Apr 2018
I walk up
To the shop
And I feel
Vellichor
I smell the ink
The worn pages
Feel soft between my fingers
My hands
Trace the spines
And my mouth
Utters in the softest of whispers
The names of authors and their
Masterpieces
Searching
For the perfect book.
i need a new book
91 · Jul 2019
return
aslan Jul 2019
black paint / gripping hands / drip blood / wrap around my throat / faster / now / take my breath away / quite literally / do it / steal what little i have left / tighter / choking / smiling / i'm home, finally
91 · Apr 2018
four
aslan Apr 2018
I still have four days
But I miss you already
I hope you never stop
Thinking of me
Because I know that
I won’t stop. You mean
Too much to me…
r e m e m b e r
91 · Apr 2018
i don't
aslan Apr 2018
I’m scared that if I told you
How I really feel
You’d brush it off
And if I asked you
What you think of me
You’d say



                         “I don’t.”
i hope you do
91 · Apr 2018
dancing
aslan Apr 2018
I wish you would dance
because even if the whole world
was watching
I’d make a fool of myself
and dance with you.
you mean so much, too much
to me
and I can’t bear the thought of losing you.
****,
I really can’t lose you
but I am
so
s o o n
d a n c e w i t h m e
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