Losing yourself in the music
The speed
The lights blur past you
You scream the words to your favourite song
At the top of your lungs
Crying
Wishing he were still here with you
Not back there,
With that shot glass
Full of *****
And that other boy,
That *****
Leaving you all alone
Leaving you behind.
You thought he loved you back,
Didn’t you?
Newsflash: he didn’t.
And you’re left
Driving,
Crying,
Screaming,
Beating the steering wheel.
But
Then you see it
The car
Pulling out right in front of you
That car
Full of people
Coming home from graduation
Laughing,
Singing,
Smiling.
You try,
But you can’t stop.
It’s too close
And getting closer.
Time seems to stop
And it freezes
Like your heart seemed to
When you saw him.
Anger
Disappointment
Fear.
It all pumps violently through your veins.
You hit the car
T-bone it,
Hard.
Screams,
Tears,
Terror.
Not all of it your own.
Seconds later,
Sirens.
You feel the hands
Pulling you out of your car
And you look up
Through bloodied eyes
And see
The gurneys across the road
You sent them flying
Across the freeway
And the bodies
They’re everywhere.
Only one is left breathing
And she’s in critical condition.
They try to defibrillate
But her heart stops.
You thought you knew pain
But this was worse.
The overwhelming guilt
The shame
It weighs on you.
You knew better than to drive drunk
But you were sad
And driving always seemed to help.
Not anymore.
Nothing can help you know.
Not even his love
His sympathy
His remorse.
All that matters now
Is the gun in your hand
Pointed at your temple
Finger on the trigger
Heart beating wildly.
You remind yourself,
you deserve this.
They were younger,
Much younger.
Had so much more to look forward to
And you took it from them.
All of it.
You monster.
You pull the trigger.
The lights go out.