I fell asleep
      with you
    on my mind
I woke up
And you
      were still there



**When's this gonna end?

No matter how much work is done,
No matter how much pain life gives,
No matter how much battles she lost and won,
It will be alright as long as your love she receives.

No matter how tiring the day might be,
No matter how much painful lies she will believe,
The only thing fuels her to keep on living would be,
The glimmer of hope that your love she will receive.

and the question is:
why do i find myself
constantly in this pit of swirling darkness,
with only thoughts of you
consuming my mind ?

and the answer is:
you're an all-consuming thing,
and that i wouldn't change any of it.
from the first time your fingers brushed
my skin,
to
the moment you left.

i have not seen you for three ******* days,
yet it seems like its been a year.
i dream about you every night,
and the things i worry most about.
i saw you in my dreams,
kissing a girl who was not me.
you moved away with your father,
and i spent the rest of my life searching for you.
i have not seen you for three days,
and it feels like hell.
i have always had separation anxiety
ever since i was 4.
i guess ever since i was little, i've been making homes
out of people,
that would never stay very long.
maybe there is some satisfaction
in breaking my own heart.

maybe i like the way he makes me feel wanted and worthless at the same time. maybe i like the way he breaks my heart but stitches it back together with his kisses. maybe i like the way he never calls me beautiful, but the way he looks at me when i enter the room sends chills down my spine letting me know he thinks so. maybe i like the way he sends me home crying until 4 in the morning and texts me telling me he loves me two hours later. and maybe, just maybe i like the way he hurts me. maybe i put up with all of this because i'm just too scared to loose him.

Look at the leaves,
How they grow
and they die.
You would never believe
How the sunset could rise.
The flame can grow cold and the water
can dry,
But the lesson I learned was to remember
those eyes.
Haunting and holding
the ghosts of my past,
I wanted so badly,
one love to last.

And just as the leaves grow,
So do I,
Watching the sun set a million times,
I wanted a difference,
to carve my own path.
So I'll keep half a glass full till my life has elapsed.
Never forgotten is your name
in my heart.
I'm sorry I had to, I'm sorry
it hurt,
But like a leaf I will grow,
and thus I will die.
And before that happens,
this life needs to be mine,
at least for a time.

❦

From the subtle strokes
of a solemn wrist.
I can see so much
of her on this page.

It could be sadness,
or laughter.
Love sonnets,
or groceries.

Like her eyes,
I get lost
in the flow
of her lines.

❦