You
in and out of my thoughts.
Gathering force
Proving that you've captured me
Or I've captured your essence.
I'm dance in rhythm
The sound of your name.

Thoughtful expression
In figuring up
How to show
Your undying love.
On the inhale
I feel utter expanse
Like magnets ripping
The coils of my brain.
How life spins in circles
Bigger and smaller circles.

Open up my ovaries
Expend the life inside of me
Into the cavern in your skull
In to the songs you sing in lull.
Bring me to your center fold
My blood and guts and getting old.
Show me how I age with time
And how you note my every sign.
It's easy here to stay with you
Whe love is seeding
Love is bloom
And I always point toward you
On yonder nights
Toward the future.
I'm looking to ya.

Blankets cast up in the air
And float down like some beautiful veil
Comfort warmth and sweet incase
Cover up your lovely face
And keep your truth away from me
Cast my view of what I want to see
But I don't want your skeleton

I don't want your skeleton...
That's all you are to me
But I want you to be more.

Take down my walls of belief
Remove my perspective from me.

I don't want your skeleton.

Flaming ideas forever drive reflections
Into growing dying holding things to closely
  then they die.

Crab walking to the closest gas station
For a sense of belonging
And there's nothing I want here
but to feel like part of the
Community
But I'm side stepping conversation
And speaking out of the corner of my mouth.
It's no wonder I'm gaining no closure.
I'm to aware of my faults.

Your ***** failure came to visit
My schizophrenia recited it's coils
Thoughts of anxiety
And writhing in my own skin.
I wanted two different things.
For this to work, my love flow to you
And yours back to me
Uninhibited
That free flowing connection I seem to have with so many people.  
Because I am strong and loving and patient.
But your ***** failure came to visit
And it brought revelation
In such a narrow minded translation
And you both preached of death
And evil
And releasing all suffering
Once the body stops beating.

I tried to show my rhythmic patterns
I wound up all my music boxes.
I said I thought we should appreciate
Each moment we are breathing.  

You both seemed offended.

I waited for you by the window
Wanting hard for you to stay
But when you both walked in the door
It was clear we were not the same.

We never were.
My mother, and then the grand
The lineage of my ancestory.
But how am I so different
From anything you'll ever be.

Wrapped to tightly in bible paper
And the law of the land.
Fantasizing about the day you die
So you can be with God

And you tried to tell me bad news
And I told you i already knew
I was not effected by the chaos
But you had more speech to ensue
And you spewed
Oh you spewed
Of every terribly saddening thing.
And I laughed out loud at your struggle
At your death mind writhing.  
And you looked to me as if I were trouble
Laughing at tragedy.
But I responded to you gently
With every body dies
And you went back to your speech
Of how only the good rise.

Aren't we all just holding so tightly
to these bodies
that we pray for an after life
I'm learning to appreciate
the life that I was given
And to trust that I've already risen
From the compounds of pleasure
And the lust from your wombs
And In the end
We will all have our tombs.

Vacuum pull
Invite me In
Sucker for your
Needful sin.  
I'm quaking thoughts
Of you untied
Released from
All your painful pride.
Unhinge your insecure
I need you
Vulnerable.
Give me all those things you think
That aren't the pretty showing kind.
And I will take it all from you
And I will prove to change your mind.

Guts climbing
into my mouth and out of my ***
Sick would be an understatement
Nauseas doesn't pin it down
Anxiety is rolling waves
And I'm crumbling with out a sound.
I'm quivering with sweat
I only wanted to be sober
I will not feel regret
Tomorrow I can start over.

Blue machine
Dripping opal Shimmer
Climbing so high
The sun starts seeming dimmer
Im ready to explode now.

Broken parts want mending
in catering to your sentimental
and making grave stones
To hold the weight
Of your greif.
I want not judgment
Or thoughts of what could have been.
But the acceptance that my wombs fruit
Decayed
Before it could be
Displayed
and my heart will never beat
In my fruit
Not that fruit.
Pray for new fruit
Someday fruit.
But not that fruit.
It decayed in the dirt
And I'm sad.
But I hold my grief
In wind chimes and grave stones
And sentimental is my pain
For the imaginary happiness
If things had ripened.

Dressing tedious
an easy pie
her black night Shimmer's
Controlled Sublime
I ask myself why
Who are the edges of my seams
rip up what's supposed to be underneath but I don't like it there anymore and I don't want it there
Black Knights Shimmer
It is in her hair
Blue Notes of Tangerine only when they're under moonlight
My qualities are growing dimmer my time is passing by me
but her Black Knight Shimmer brings me back
The water softens and Echoes the reflection back into the sky and I
I always ask myself why
And who are the seams that Hold Me Together and where did the dreams come from and where do the ideas come from and where does the mind come from and what is my mind truly trying to do and what is it trying to grasp and why is it why is it why is it still trying to survive

Following the rhymes of the wind blows
But it seems to follow me
Like every time i call it forward
It moves to set me free
And all the trees seem to flow
In an interpretive dance
Yes all the time I'm holding still
Branches react to my glance.
And why does life never seem to work
For some but then theirs others
Who worship nature in their hearts
And are connected with the mother
Whose attitudes and shining smiles
Can make the weather change
And other miracles
Fast react
Happening more than strange.
Why it's almost as if
Needs are met

Blank stare.
Jesus.
On the cross
Why is that so glamorised.
I'm glazing over
Just staring at his dead...
Wait
Not dead
Suffering body
Hanging from a chunk of would
Being devalued over and over
And we shouldnt keep idols
And statues of naked women
And goats are not for worship
Yet we worship the image
Of the most powerful human aspect
Hung out to dry.
What an ego driven world
It should be your ugly aspects
On that cross
Release your christ
From that tainted bond age
Why do we replay the horrid past
When jesus lived?
He was taken off that cross
Yet you make him wear it
Over and over and over again

Young daughter
Pride and narcissis
Flowers blooming
Sensational.
Son
Burning brightly
With in his own vortex.
Waxing and waning
Mean nothing to him .
Feminine
Blooms and then decays
Sorrow fills her heart
Departure never easy

Blazing styrofoam
Fixating on
Certain points
Admiration
Causes want
He never knew.

She grows like lightening
Flying fingers of electrocution
Stream toward and to and away
Flowers all bloom in unison
The moon is full of sin
And the son walks with in it all

Until he craves that nothing peace
That instability of the moving scene
Takes far away from his serene
And he hides from the motions
And her moon wanes still
And her flowers decay
And her mind feels grey.
But he needs the rest
While she nurtures so below
In his darkness
She nurtures as above.

In all
the truth is still breathing
down my throat.
And out.
It's In your atmosphere
That I love so brightly.

Trance state and calling
Why I pain my own flesh
Why I excruciate each thought.
Who am I reacting to but myself
Do you want to give me my release
Or am I just here for you.
Some days I feel hung
Others not so
And then in that
I taste selfish on my tongue
Can I realize my pain for what it is?

Red and Shine in morning time.
Summer hair in heated air.
The grass grows so fast now.

Your under bellies softness
It would tear so  effortlessly

Flesh driven desire
And the aching want for death

You remind me of better fruit
from the  rotten tree

Tone deaf
Emotionally
Your infliction
Doesn't sway those
With out conscious.
And your manipulation
Doesn't sway those
With higher conscious.
Those lesser fools
Bringing cry to the feast
Who complain of their feet
Being sore on the eve
Yet they walked on them?

Beware of those who have more
Tragedy than you
At every corner
And watch how their stories of pain
Quickly become lies to refrain
Any sort of giving out of their way.

They must receive
And if you can't please
You are as needless as needs.

Don't fear desolation
It comes in waves.

No

I will never be
What is expected
From society

But maybe

You'll still admire me

Titillate and demonstrate
that you alone will conquer.
Things will never stay the same
but my love
oh my love is constant.
And I will always let you win
and let you  bite
and let you win.
I'm staking thin
and you're shaking more and more
With sin.
So please just let me be
for a little while
for a little while
and you will see the paint within me
and I will show you home

***** locked
Stomach twisting
Grasping for control
But my world's shattered out from beneath me
And I feel no soul.
Miles of sedation could not save me from this.
No nirvana no mothers love
No meditational bliss.
Here I am empty no feeling but this sick.
Tired and turmoil.
My stomach twist.

I could ***** or die
Or both at the same time.

Nothing could save me from this.

Congressional
Coming into unity.
Patterns soaked in the nether minds
Of thousand walk planks so bored
Just waiting for a greater Potential
A better idol
Idea
To shape their overgrown
Un kept minds
Which **** and stench
And infect the air.
Amazing the way zombies
Beg for a tyrant to save them.
So masochistic in their decay

Control my movements
Only allow my expression
To stem from your word
For I fear my own movement
They say in secret
They never speak it
They may not know.

They copy copy
They move in turn
They pattern walk
They never learn .

Originality may be a farce
The archetypes to strongly stitched
But tell me this
Do you understand the threading
Or do you just wear the sash
?
Could that be the difference?
We all hold pose of that which we admire
But how many of us devote
Our minds to understanding
How to truly mimick something
To a point where it becomes like that first moment In time.

Stark
All peel skin
Frayed edges
A thought quite
Polished
In the worser of ways.
I had rubbed raw the idea
And it had turned into a sorefar beyond blistering
The skin was chaffed.
Raw cut and open.
How many times did I have to weave
This thought through the coils of my brain
To bruise and defame
All of my sane?
I must have thought I was dreaming
To make such a terrible decision.

Two bodies is to many!
Why must I have to fear!
One being is plenty!
We could be so much closer my dear!
No need for this distance
Nor the bridge of trust
If we're simply one
Our connection never rust.

In chips of the foundation
The bridge is falling down
In moments without reconciliation
The trust falls to the ground
With in the minds of lovers
The worlds do fall apart
As distance ever grows
Between their very hearts.
they want to only love
But the pride is so insecure
That any minor slip
Is a resentment to incur
And things that were just fate
Are rested in blame
Things that happen all the time
Now result in shame
And fear
Which sets into the minds
And lovers feel so separate
And this makes them blind

Love me just love me
I meant you no harm
Distances away
In the reach of my arm.
And I must be so ugly
For you turn to so hate
When all that I want from you
Is to relate just relate
  I never meant to hurt you
******* my stupid monkey brain
Things just couldn't be
If they didn't make lovers insane.

One dry dust evening
Those times when sun shone pink
All across the hill side
Flickering on the lake

That's it.

Picture me and my complexes
Stumbling in the grass trying hard
To breathe.
Wanting to last forever
But begging to leave.
I only questioned my existance
In every being of my observance
And every time life flickered before me
Like sun rays on the lake
Shedding pink tones of gold
Over everything I saw...
And when infant wings fell from their nests
I hung them out to dry
In metal fish nets
From the pine trees
And I wanted to pour
More life forth
In the feeding of pigeons.
But they always died
And I never knew why
But it was my lack of conscious.

I had a dream you were still touching me.
it was different though now you were ******* me.
And I wanted out and I wanted away
the bathrooms were filthy
And I wasn't okay
And I couldn't wake up
And I wanted to die.
You wouldn't leave me alone
And I couldn't. Figure out why.
I'm older in the dream
But I'm weak around you
and your face is different.
But it's you.
And you couldn't have me
if it was up to me.
No I would cut my belly wide
I would open it , see inside
and I would bleed until
I died
And that's what I did.

only at night
under a pale full moon
when dancing for desires great throws  the ocean is tilting
my heart quakes a grey tone  ambience
full throttle down to my toes
and I know in my brains heart
it's time to let go
but I hold on to pleasures
cause it's all I've ever known.  
what pointless existence
is begging me live
when all I have
nothing
is left to give
and dreams of sinners
torture my soul still
I'm waking in mornings
to try to live longer
then thoughts that are seeping
into my mind
are ripping a part
all of my freshly bleached blinds
and I tried to keep the sun out
I tried to hold the rays back
hide from that moon when she beckons me home
but the oceans still tilting
threaten pulling me in
the thoughts constantly seeping wearing me thin.

Steam pressed cheeks
Mine to yours but think
Polorized.
You couldn't give me any more of your face.
But I would take beyond time
And hope you can breathe.

Those vitaman's taste good not in my throat
My tension so tight
My esophagus pressurize upward
Before anything can fall down wards
And I'm removing and rejecting
Sustence for escaped air
Or rather unescapable air
Trapped in the center of my throat
Below the voice box
Above the acid pit
And directed exactly
To push on my lungs
Lean on my heart
And it's going I think but I'll tell you this
It's weaker anyway
And will be
When I poison myself
With lies about where courage come from...
It's not from this if I didn't make myself clear...
It's not from begging for cardiac arrest with hunger suppressants
Which take over your entire being.  
Like I said, clamped down so tightly is my tension that my esophagus lets not a thing out nor in.

Seven seconds of the ray
seven colors all long day.
Seven spaces in between
Seven characters all one scene.

Tree trunk growth
In stretch then girth
What lies beneath un seen
Only those feathers protected
And beautiful
Glistening and gorgeous
Are displayed for the world to see.


But those uglier apendages
Those tentacle whites
Those bulging twists
Those dirt covered whiskers
Which search in the darkness with ease
For miles unseen...
They are hidden.
And exposed to the rays of the sun
They wood turn to dust.
But hidden in the filth
They sustain that which is beautiful
That which is seen
That which is offered to all.

I doused myself in gasoline
And set our bed on fire
Before I went to sleep
I told of my desire

The ashes are now
What we used to call comfort.
The flames dissappeared
Into a savior of some sort.

The springs are still glowing
The passion is dead
The drive to keep going
Was found in the bed.
And in me.
But I doused myself in gasoline.

I set the bed on fire

But before I went to sleep
I spoke of my desire.

Where is the center of me
In side tubing
Or clipped to the blinds?
Seizure sedation
Coma dream
I'm shaking my own crust
At a whim to escape.
Do you see with those eyes
Which looked disfigured
To my insecurities
My own temptations.

My failings say you are faulty
Can I accept we both have our
Trials.
And that intolerance of your blemishes
is fear of my own.

If this pressure is definite
Why does it sway my contractions.
How could I be so strong
to crush my body under my own tension.

I'm watered down.
Weaker than before
Not quite as concentrated
Not so focused.
Losing grip on what I want
And some how reaching out
And grabbing hard
For those things
That I hate.  
I had a dream I was gathering
Sticks
In my neighbors yard
He was a greedy blob.
So I had no mercy on his
Pig brains.

Further more what are you doing to mine?  
God please don't waste my time
My thoughts are like post it's  
Scattered along my bed room wall
All the things to remember
All the people to call
And the books to read
The things to learn.
How much time to smoke ****
How much time to yearn
When's my next cigarette
How long since I ate
How's the kitchen look
I've been staying up to late. . .

Where in this exactly is the mind
I can not see I must refine.

If it were possible to say something
More or less peneatratable
Would I have the conscious ability
To decipher how to reach
The furthest depths of you
Or would I choke under the pressure
Of getting you.
Would it just stop me in my tracks
To understand
I could change you as a person
With the right combination
Of some made up language
Which our ancestors have been evolving
For centuries.
That gives, let's talk a whole knew meaning
What am I doing to your mind?

Whisper softly,
no need to raise your voice.  
I'm Here just like always,
that is my choice,  
and I'm listening to you,
just like everybody's wanted.
You finally found some one to tell
all those things thatve left you haunted.

We are enclined to hide
yet we find comfort in exposer,
we are wired to lie
at the risk of some one getting closer.

But I'm tired of garments
hiding my truth
I'm tired of guilt
staining my youth.

And I want you to know,
that you can be free.
If you just let go
and put your trust in me.

Things accumulate.  
In and around my mind.
Am I as good as I'd like to believe?
When we fall I get irritable.  
You would know
Cause you do too.  
I lay in bed just to smell you
Comfort in the little things.  
When **** Makes us distant.
I don't like the drugs.
I try to stay away
And you do the same.
Seems like our failures follow us
I try to brush away our trail.
But we amplify our shared weakness.
I just want life
Not death
I just want you
Cause your better than ****.

Hard candy breaks my teeth
As I try to eat
No matter how sweet
Shattered lively hood
Crumbles before me
Falling past my lips onto the counter
Rolling towards the edge
Where free falling
It hits the floor
And bounces once or twice
Maybe one time more
And lies flat on its existence
Never to heal
Only to rot for another sun rise
While things around it twitch
At the light it lies flat on its existence.
Never to move
This is what we call death.

Quiet control is how you impede my movement.
You douse me In your outward flowing
Sustenance
So you can threaten its extinction.
I wanted to know christ
Me the foresaken *****
The indulgence itself.
Me the desire to be
Wanted to meet christ
In all of his expression.
The roots of my born
Were edging toward light
And with out me
No one would have even seen.