Blooming the petals still damp
With after birth of an entire nation
Dripping from the seams
where further followed thought
Was folded tightly
Waiting to meet the suns rays
In an effort to solidate
That which we call individual truth

Maybe we should.
Maybe where we are
Just isn't
where we are meant to be.
That would be beautiful,
to hand down
Oh devastation would **** me
But I'm leaning on hope.

I'm hoping you see us
See beyond the failures
We share.
Wouldn't you just love it
if I could have you
whole.
And we could be eachother
For just a little bit.
You can think your me
I'll tend you needs.

Could it be your crashing
Back to Earth
and where I placed you
In the dirt.

I was hoping for your seed to bloom

I imagine you in spirals of growth
Moving to and from me
Creating your own shelter
Through self molding
and where your cracks
lay in the foundation
I want you to swallow me whole
I will seep into your damages
be their soldered gold
I imagine your branches groaning
As you reach for the unknown
Movement is painful
And so is getting old

I've been scolded by your history
Oh maternal instinct
I want you to know
That had I been
What transgressed
Would  have passed long before it was born.
I wouldn't put you through those trials.
I wouldn't trick you with fake smiles.

Hard to blame any one
For the corruption of the mind
Its  like a noticable Design .
From the begining
If Adam were such a holy being
If creation had been pure
He would have eyes
that would  be seeing
He would have understood     that allure.
My question is why leave a trap
To condemn
When curiosity  can equal sin.
Where is the meaning
Given to us by other men.
Have you ever had an independent thought
Free of  those notions closing you in.
Develope that which is with in.
The mind.

I gaze at stars, dancing under spot lights
Giving their existence
To some foggy innerference
It's getting in the way of the soul.
I don't mean to surrender
And I dont mean isolation
Or religion
That's just getting in the way of the soul.

I see stars dancing under spot lights trying to prove their worth..
Beyond greasy hair
And a bad addiction.
Could they be more than their failings were
Or are only the most pure
Fit for purpose.

I know my own thoughts
So I can say purity
Is far from natural to this mind
But I dont mind
I like to refine
I like to try

And I will a thousand times
I don't believe in purity In physick form
Just refinement
An over all crystalization
Strip away those things you think
That offer nothing to you

Her face seemed almost yellow

With chaotic solar tides
Of ego driven strength
Of a heart soaked in pride.

I felt compelled to stare
How was she aware.

And soon I saw she wasn't.

So wrapped in tangerine
Trying to show her
but nothing could be seen

She's giving into her failures
But i had never failed her.

She turned away from me

So burnt shades of nerve
You'll never be a martyr
Though that's what you yearn

Strangers pardon steps to close
They slink against the wall
Moving narrow not to arouse
Grinding consciousness
Against the fall
Weakness previals against the will
And cowards avoid eachother.
Some people are dead
Though they seem alive.

If I only had this moment
To tell you how I feel
If I were to die this morning
The thought is so surreal
That every second I spend with you
Is like a timeless heaven
And every day I'm more inlove with you
And everyday is our wedding.
Things I've said before
You've heard a thousand times
But things ill say again
If your face still starts to shine
But if this moment were my last
My words to you would be
It was never hard to love you
It came as natural instinct
And from the moment I met you
You climbed under my skin
And I would have never left you
I would always let you in
I live to be your wife
And at my death I hope you know
I loved to be your life
And I loved letting our love grow
And sometimes I'm scared
That something may go wrong
And you will never understand
How much I loved you or how long
And you would never feel
The depth of my emotion
And you would never understand
That if I'm the earth you are the ocean

Your subtle expressiom calls me
Devoted disciple
Anything to heal you
I feel the change in your weather
Son gone astray
Mind gone loose
But there's still hope
As you're
Reacting to my every move
So I take charge
You could say I control you
Or do you control me?
I move in accordance to your shifts
I am aware of your expression
I find ways to change you from
Worse to better
With my own actions
All in love I say all in love.
Decisions made to better your day
Who am I to sway you
From your independence
But a lover full aware of your dependence.
We all need guidance
And you hold my lead on the other end of the field
But today your losing footing
And I'm carving stairs at your feet

So don't fear treading further up
This mountain we call life
I will always be one step ahead
I will always be in your bed.

Consider this,  
clamped down on your own
existence
stress and tension
trying to hold your self In place
Cause naturally genetically,
you fear change.
Change comes from movement
Change is pain
We latch to comfortability
Though repition is insane.
We become ever restless because
We don't want to stay the same
See we seek our indulgences
And then we can't refrain
From a down ward spiral
You can't stay the same
Either way change will always happen
And there will always be pain.
So be seeking your indulgence
By seeking your escape
Your just trailing the fool
The change will still make.

Sail the ocean
Or drown in the tide

On top of the water
Or on the worser side

Cry baby bruises your skins all gone blue.
I tried to unfold it to see what had happened to you.
What had happened to me?
Where was life going.
Unusual thoughts
More impulses growing.
And suffocation that I never even noticed.
But when I finally breathed
I saw some unfurling lotus.
And it occurred to me
I had been putting off breathing
Putting off living
And so my body was aging.
How could I have known
Had I not just noticed
And how can one alone
Ever Come to a conclusio .
Where's the adversary in heading towards death
And why am I so easily forgetting
To take my own breath.

I'm feeling confused,
Not knowing if denial is the right word for liver failure.
You always were so sick
It's like it never occurred to me you could die.
And I'm still laughing and sarcastically acting
Like this is what Ive waited for.
I've been telling people you were dead for 3 years
Because my relationship with my mother
Was to hard to think about.
It was easier for me to pretend you were dead.
But now I find myself edging tears neurotically repeating my chosen mantra for the week

She won't die, she couldn't die... right?

I don't know how many times I've thought that confronting the harsh truth of the life you chose to live.
You've always been so sick
So sick and mean.
And Ive waded through every last memory I had of you
Every day since you let me know
How many days has it been
4.
And none of them gave me the closure I was hoping for.
I found myself insecure and unassured of your love all over again
I found myself feeling rejected by your personality.
I found myself still so desperate for the relationship we could have had.
Had you controlled your anger
Controlled your resentments
Controlled your drugs habits
Your out rageously childish rebellion
But instead I see you as some one who was always mean to me .
Who I just so happen to be madly inlove with and all I wanted to dO was mean something to you
I wanted you to like me
I wanted you to love me
I wanted to just make you happy
So you could love me but it didn't happen.
And you've destroyed your body by 43.
Your livers failing now
Because you didn't get your hep c treated
And I know I shouldn't want to save you it would be a waste, make myself weak so you can abuse another part of me all over again
But I wonder what the chances of us being a match is
And I wonder if being your daughter would make the lupus less of an issue in transplant, and i wonder if maybe you would finally understand the type of loyalty and love I've had for you

Why don't you just cough on me
Enough of this down your sleeve
You breath on me
Your exhale is sweet
We share spit and we share drinks
But
There you are coughing down your sleeve
I know youre scared
Is just Human instinct
But I'm not scared of your disease
I know your failings I know your needs
I know your sickness
I watch it bring you to your knees
I'm just not so weak
My immunity is high
And if you cough On me I swear I won't die.

I'm shimmering reflection on liquid glass,
Looking deep into its own eyes.
My substance softens into
Abstract understanding
And it couldnt be any other way.
Just when you thought you could explain it, you realize just how limited language is.
Comprehending more than could ever be truly explained
We put our faith in parallel's made through parables, hoping another mind could see in between the lines
To the less defined image of what reality could be
If it wasn't just instinct.

Sparkling eyes,
I tried a thousand times
Your defenses wearing,
You lose that gleam.
I lose strength.
But never lose my will
And have you ever seen
A being so devoted
To just a glimpse
In hopes of more.
And years put in to
Getting under your skin
So confused from those before me
But your eyes sparkle more lately
And I don't have to try

How  deep does mind go into physicality.
Where the fall is domino
Generation after generation
Breeding wasteful idiots.
But I see change in the masses
I see change in the minds of those living
The core beliefs of most religions,  tends to be a purification of thought
If you can call it that.
If evil doesn't exist
It's more like a refinement of thought.
What's truly neccessary?
And then how does that change things?
How many moments
Till the future,
When you've never heard of time.  
And what is it but a way to catagorize memories in a clearer fashion an exact fashion.
And to plan forward.
But was the point of forward thinking when your incapabe of forethought in the first place.  

One less ****
One less binge
One less rage
One less thing you don't really need for future sustainment.

And then you step into the light.
More things you actually need, that are actually productive.
Why waste time on dead men's luxuries.

God or not
His light burned so bright
I knew in my heart
This was who I follow.

Never a question of my souls
Innocence
What have I
If he be all
Then paradise is surely
Attainable.
But unlike those sayings of theirs...
I found a natural suffering in the center of the purity
A beautiful masochism
Begging to continue on
And the purity allowed it
For this was the result of change
And change is ever pending
Cycles moving circles.

Change was the desire
Fear was for the innate pain of life
And the temptation was genetic coding of many generations of mind gathering thought In non prosperous ways.

How incredible your prescence when you consider the survival of consciousness connected to humanity.
How large
Could perspective
Become.

Aloft the giving tree
I sit to see
Shade from sun
And what's in me.

Fell first hand
From receive
Deep into
The pulling weeds
And rooted under
Further water
Give me more
Of my own summer
Let me live
Eternally
Not under give
No ******* way.  
Climb aboard
The giving tree
See only life
In all you see
Live this life eternally
As long as you flow
With the giving tree
BUT fallen fruit
Is sure to rot
Straying hearts
A thing not sought
So stay with In this loving tree
This branch of life
This thing you need
See all life eternally

Sadist sadly succumbed to me
In rolling waves of self loathing
In tired shades of losing touch
In bed's we made that were just to much.
And the toil
Was ever present regret
Layered deep with in my nauseas pit.
And holding down my beating heart
Was my own ribs.
How could I offer anything
To the one already golden
Me fallen beneath the clouds
Belly to ground
I writhe in pits of fallen men
And you beyond the Eagles wing
So valiantly expressed beyond my own recognition.
I see in images and references
Of what I know
You see beyond the eagles wing.
A mirage of watery reflections
All speaking in unison
Of some stranger
From their dream
And I could see them all
But I never know what it means.
Could you please tell me who I am.

Shadows kiss me good night
Dancing before my splayed lids
How could I ever ask them to leave.
So assembled so straightforward.
I can barely shut off the view
Of light wave after dark rolling cloud
Swallowing space
And then itself.
Patches of brown
Red
Black
Shadows kiss my eyes good night
Which is why I never sleep.

Stoke me minted breath.
I want your condensation
Build up on my walls
To soon to say I miss you
But I will.
Because I do.
Linger with me here,
A thousing gazes
A thousand stars
A thousanded guesses
About who we are.
And still just ideas.

I dont fear my meaning,
Even if it's obscure.
I just want to try.

Water banks above me
Glistening in the sun
Here I'm below the shallows
Burrowing in the mud
My lungs can't breath the water
So I'm gasping clenched.
Water banks above me
You'd think I'd be drenched
But the water all around me
Is not the swimming kind
It's all the **** pollen
That's accumulated
In my mind
See I'm slowly suffocating
With the stress induced
From being alive
And having to choose.

Movements chaos
Even the ocean tides
And I'm trying to live
But it's hard to survive
And I try to keep mine
And give when I can
But it's hard to find another
With a clean hand.
I feel like every ones red
Bright shades like blood
And it makes me remember I'm burrowed in mud.

Pointless existence
caught some where between
wanting to be
and ceasing to exist.

Each day seems more like
An imagining.
Who am i,
but these the thoughts
And restless energy.

Days when I am tired
Surrendering to death
So sleep indefinite.

I would come back better
Cleaner than before.
Be a new imagining

Yet who am i,
These thoughts,
This restless energy.

I expend at the plight of my desire
Edging toward meaningful attatchments.  
And this is what I make.
Caught in between
Pointlessness
And purpose.

Yet who am I
These thoughts
Or this restless energy.

Bipolar opposites attract
You fill in where  I lack
I take your hand to have and hold
Eternity no growing old.

You give me everything I hate
I had all of what you ate
You dried up and I am soaked
We were serious when we joked.

Break my lungs no ex in hale
You for the win me for the fail

Love you for what I am not
I do not want what I have got.

Cast me from the heavens

And allow me to rise before you in
Fury and flames

To a thousand heights beyond
What you had ever planned.

You know me as your fallen child
Before you know me as your king

When evolution takes me
Far from suffering

And I become the Phoenix
Rising from the sea

Cast me down from heaven
And allow me to be .

Shatter conclusion
Mind revolution
New thought
Revelation
Movement
Then swaying.
How long am i staying.

Cast me from heaven
I will fall to the ground
Bury myself
And vibrate with sound.
Out of the dirt and into the sky
Over again
And never die.

Spoken like a true martyr  
Suffering taught fully and for most
This life is not for you.

But for those who degrade

Innocence and youth
Beyond compare.

I suffered for the sins of my ancestors
For those mistakes made in mind.  

At the hands of my gaurdians
I was splayed before the Satan
In my own mother
I was the blood shed and hate
Receptical.
I was the hang man dangling
I was the beaten fool.
For my whole existence at one certain point.
I was the center of distress for this world.
At what cost to my own growth
Did I sacrifice my self
For the wrath of intolerance.
I would always let you walk on me
For I had no other choice.
But you were the one whose will
My existence ebbed on.
And you were the one who gave your only begotten daughter
To the **** with In you.
I stand tall.
I am lucifer
And then I am jesus christ.

Lust danced fire and flames
Broke the emerald lock.
Serpent danced up the chains
Broke through sedimented rock.


Spectrum after spectrum
Personality shift.

Here I am and there you drift

If things are intertwined,
Where am I.

I hope it's next to you.
I want to be the closest strand
In and all around you.

Lust danced me to the end of love
And wide and shining
I saw your face
If things are intertwined
I wonder where  is my place?

And if it's layered
And organized
This next to that.
I want to be layer in with you
Right hand at your back.

I would always be the failure
And you could be the win
I could be the outside edge
And you could be with in.
I can move in shades of vigor
Strength and stretch and pride
You can move further inner
Show me what mind hides.

If things are organized
Then where am i?

Broken chord it lost resonance
In the middle of its expression
Fell flat on its face, what a hard existence this life gives us.

Drymess edges to the back of my throat
I tried to find the spring.
All of the paths had begun to erode
mind just wasn't up to thinking.

We could have avoided this, had we prepared.
We could have lived
Now live's been ensnared.

Survival critical to play anymore
Second guesses were lost time
And I was ready to explore
But God ****** the mind.

Queen of labor
Queen of pain
Oh let me savor
Your every pang
You want for more
And I can give
More to explore
And more to live.

Don't stress my hole
Don't worry my doll
Other end of my pole
My rise and my fall.

Eternity is what we have

Tender flex
You bended so gently
Like the breeze was only asking
You to sway.

Tender flexability
You arch your posture
To prove to me
You are reactive.

Tendons flex
To move me,
I feel so complicated.

Save your breath for another day
Some other world
Some other play
Some other time
In a different place
Give up now
Though you can't replace
The time you spent
The time you lost
The opportunities miseed
Who knows the cost
You'll never have
A yesterday
You can't rewind
you can't replay.

Sea side eyes
How many blades of grass
Do you see?
Sea shore sides
How long can you last with me.

I'm ever growing hunger
Moving away from center
Your ever growing longer
Moving deep with in her

I want to see  combustion
Where the horizon meets the sky
create this magnetic seduction
And dance me to the end, where we die.

And we move out ward
In a thousand second glances
Second guesses
Everything we could have been
We could have lost
We could have thought
One single better thought

And that be the bane of our existence.

I die daily
Killing those smaller parts of me
In intentions for a greater
Prospect
Intentions for a greater
Potential.

Hoping for those sea side eyes to find me.
Find me where we both stand tall
Far beyond the Graves of men
And that which shall pass.

I find no pleasure
some days
I find no pain
I find our moments
Are for ever the same.

Seems like the sun
You move through the streets
Through the shadows
Of our house
You lift dust
In your wake
Shuffling  back and forth.
Seems like the sun
You follow sweet season
Sweet reason
You follow routine.
Your nice and your mean
Your gold  and your green.
Seems like the sun
You fashion my days warm with smiles.
With love and light.
Seems like the sun.

Central distress
I'll be the story
You can aim your hate at me
. . .

Point your arrows to the sun
And watch as violence disintegrates
Before you
In a spectral flash
Of ever burning tolerance.
....

Your short comings never
Seemed so tall to me
I eat your pessimism like candy
Sweet heart you could try to swallow
My contentment
But it would only heal you...

And that suffering you relish
Like some great gift from god....

You don't know christ, do you?

Thought provocing thought
And endless desire.
Something fell from the sky line
And into my lap
But I wasn't sure what to do with it.
And when it slipped through my fingers and into the dirt
I knew it was burrowing to the core
Of what we all fear.
And we refuse the love we crave
And we secretly hope for pain
But I want to accept you.

Crack the bones
a pity  they were only like twigs
And your words
Were weight enough alone
To pressurize the solder points
From fusion in the womb
Just enough to separate the edges.
Just enough to reveal
Pink swindles of sweet knowing flesh
And knot after knot of
My intense self questioning.

Is this what you wanted,
Peel back my material suit and reach into the skull cavity.

It's something we all crave
To truly know another.

There are cities among my mind
And nations wide
Of gathering thought
Of hate and pride
And they roll against tides
And perhaps their not mine
A kingdom awaits
Not pure nor divine.
And I am the center
And I am the pole
I am the one
Who pretend's that they know.
I am the entity
You are aware
You are the follicle
I am the hair.

Shadows cast across the cracks
Show me all your stories
Etching all your glories
In sandy imperfections
Scattered on your skin
In subtle expressed emotions
Emerging from deep with in.
Your ugly is so unflattering
But your give is so  adorning.

You flatter me In sacred scents
Something primal in what pulls me.
Dancing thoughts
Flooded emotion
Drive to become at one.

So simply I can't understand
Why we have two bodies.
What's the use in separation
If we ate only driven back into eachother.  
I dont know

If you've got something to show me
Well I would Love To go,
And if you've got something to tell me
I would love to know

Your every movement catches me
I'm curious you could say
And every day I follow you
Becomes a better day.

Washing the innards
Which have accumulated
Plac
From every wound that ever tried
To heal.

You thought and so it came
Did you ever see the correlation
Or was it luck of the planet's
Which life so ever presently
Ensures for your stake.  
Your mission lasts
Your life time lasts
In the hands of what?

Shall we not take back our independence?
Relieve the great giver
Of the universes unfolding on his shoulders.
Take in to consideration,
This holy gift of evolution .
This moment of conscious awareness and what shall we do?

You've found me
Writhing feathers
Held down by leathers.

You've found me.

Twitching, grasping, gasping.
Trying to wrap my mind around what it means to be alive.
And I don't know.

Butterflies take my insides
To some place anxiety could
Never muster.  
my adrenaline flows,
Only more pure.

And thoughts so fresh
So ancient
So true to what
We know is true.


This neat box they raised me in
The walls fell
And I can smell it still
Like nostalgia on a winter day...
But they are gone
And I could see for miles
If this fog would clear.

Over shadowed aspect
Of self, so undefined
Your chatter box sustenance
Would blind you for a life time.
Voice after memory ricocheting
Endlessly in your mind.  
I don't want that for me.  
I dont want to be living
Through my past.
I'm sick of reruns
And repition.
Im Tired of playing
The same old roles
Paying the same old tolls

This can't be all there is to life.

And when you find within you ugly confront the infestation
Lose Yourself inside the wound
For why should this contradiction have power over you?
Let it not control you
let it not overcome
Bring it to the surface
Let It Be burned by the Sun
Refuse to host this evil sort
Banish those mutants of creation relieve yourself of the embodiment of demons and bring light into your mind bring purpose into your being refuse to be overcome by inadequacies refuse to be overcome by insecurities pleasure yourself in knowing you are enough.
The mind is a spring
The soul is a well
fill thy self
with what is real

Burning pressure
Has its way with the mind
And to keep steady
I breathe in time.
Skeletal I am bones
But oh so unaware
Thought forms fight
What do you embody?

Somber eyes glaze
Your defenses
Your grated heart pulp
Not so new to petrification.  
Anxiety turns the nerves to stone
And they crumble with age.  
Not to be confused with metal
Which would only rust any way.
Thoughts are offerings
And they are takings.
And you eat yourself alive.
Devour every moment of suffering.
Though you'll be no martyr.

Suctioning out the blister leak
The wounds infected again
And I tried so hard to keep it clean
....
Didn't matter in the end.
....


Exactly what do you mean,
This was avoidable?