We were laughing,
we were joking,
but the phone call ended it.

We rushed,
we panicked,
your mother embraced us.

There's too many white walls,
I thought this world was supposed to be
black and white.

Yet we sat there lifeless,
feeling like you took our souls with you.

We were standing god knows where,
we were lost, especially your cousin.

There's too many black umbrellas here,
and it's raining, as if the sky is mourning;
or is it your tears that were being shed?
I thought this world was supposed to be black and white.

Your cousin didn't come,
but he does his usual routine.
Eat, work, sleep.
But it seems you took more from him,
than you did with us.
He is lost,
and you are gone.
g o n e
you are g o n e
and we all want you back.

ive smashed
every
single
******* mirror
in this house
because
*im so tired of seeing you
when i look at me

Your eyes grew weary,
I can see that you're a bit groggy,
you realized i noticed
and you said "I'm fine"
but we both know why
you never got any sleep last night,
it's because the demons paid you a visit.
I pretended I didn't notice the way your voice wavers,
as if it's taking all your energy not to cry.
You pretended you didn't notice I saw the tear that formed in your eyes.
So you said "I'm fine" for the second time,
but were you convincing me or yourself?
I guess we both had our demons within,
we just pretended we didn't see.

It's always the same
"How are you?"
But are the answers actually honest
Probably not
Ask the questions that matter
the ones that hurt
the ones that strike a feeling in the soul
"How did that scar get there?"
"Have you ever felt your life slip before your eyes?"
"Is a rock bottom a place you've been to?"
"Have you experienced love? What is it like?"
"Do you hurt or get hurt?"
"Is receiving or giving love more significant to you?"
"What does your past look like?"
"What moment were you most terrified at?"
"Do you know what it's like to have a broken heart?"
We're not here to beat
around the bush
Let's get in each other's minds
figure out why we hurt
where we've been
and what we had to go through to get here

I'm sorry.
I am a coward, I know.
You said "I love you" but instead of saying it back, I choked on it instead. Like that time when my friend was crying so hard at 2am because her boyfriend said that he didn't love her anymore. So she choked on her tears, and I watched her fall apart.

Then I look at you at night, lying on my bed. I was holding your hand tightly, just to make sure that you won't leave. Because every time I see you sleeping on my bed, it reminds me how my old house shook when my dad closed the door one last time. He left in the middle of the night, with no warning. I held my mom as she try to pretend she's okay in front of me, but then collapse because her own body couldn't carry so much pain. She cried, she cried so much that she didn't have any tears left. She talked less, and you almost feel like she's invisible. I was afraid to blink because I might lose her. She was fading away.

Then there was this girl in my grade. She was so vibrant and lovely. We sat together in math class. She only talks about her boyfriend and her love for music. One day, she skipped class. I saw her in the hallway, her hair wasn't combed, and she didn't even try to dress pretty like she used to. I remember going to the washroom and finding her there crying. She didn't go to school the next day. She drowned her pain with pills, and it worked. She will never feel any pain ever again.

That's why I have to run. It's not because I don't love you, but because I do.