Elli - Hello Poetry

Elli Nov 2014

Fall

Everything started to fall,
from leaves turning into orange
and to the breeze that begins to feel chilly.
I think we started to fall too,
not with each other,
but apart.
The degrees were getting lower,
and you were being more distant.
I get shivers down my spine,
but it's not the weather that makes me feel cold at night.

#sad #heart #fall #brokenheart #seasons

Elli Nov 2014

self-harm

the most self-destructive thing i have ever done
wasn't the red slashes on my arms
or my bruised knuckles and broken walls,
it was the moment i made someone my happiness
and my beacon of light.

#pain

Elli Oct 2014

a planned farewell

Tonight she will tell her parents "I love you" and hug them very tightly.
She will ask if she can sleep beside them just like when she was young and afraid of the dark.
Then she'll text everyone she cares about a "good night and thanks for being a great person :)" and call the person she really cares about and say "I love you".
All of them are clueless,
that she plans to sneak out at 5 in the morning,
before the sun rises
and walk to the bridge near her place.
And at her final moments she will finally cry, because she had to make sure everyone's last memory of her will be a good thing.
They couldn't see her like this, so miserable and pathetic.
No, she has to make sure that everyone will not see the side she despised the most,
so that's why she wrote on her note how her friends are amazing,
and how her parents are very loving;
because she has to make sure they wouldn't blame themselves,
it's just that she could not make it to the finish line.

#suicide #sad #depression

Oct 2014

alex grey

Make up your mind

You tell me I need to lose weight,
so I do,
lest I grow wide.
You tell me I need to eat more,
so I do,
lest I die.

You tell me I need to focus on studies,
so I do,
to make it to a good school.
You tell me I need not focus too much,
so I don't,
I can have some fun too.

You tell me to make more friends,
so I do,
my empathy stretches to three.
You tell me not to worry about others,
so I don't,
only to worry about me.

You tell me not to boast or brag,
so I don't,
my work should not be compared.
You tell me I should be more like her,
now I'm confused,
two different meanings, so you dared.

Why must you confuse me?
Which is it that you want?
In a world of black and white,
my world,
you make no sense,
but for so long,
I've tried
to make due.

Trust me,
I'm really trying to.

Being two things at once,
has become a game,
don't take me for a dunce,
it is my mind I cannot tame.

So be happy with what you created,
for I am both, the good and the bad.

It's all on you.
So make up your mind,
are you happy
or sad?

#thoughts #choices

Oct 2014

Raj Arumugam

pregnant writer about to give birth

so I brought my writer wife
(prominently pregnant)
to the hospital
and on her bed, she screamed:
"weren't" "hasn't" "couldn't" "shan't"
"aint" "hadn't" "you're" "isn't"
"aren't" "didn't" "wasn't"
"who's?" "what's?" "he's" "she's"

The doctors were confounded
and they turned to me and they said:
"What the hell is she doing?"

And I replied with double speed
and a violent sense of urgency:
*"Don't you know?
She's having contractions -
she's a writer"

Elli Oct 2014

what is depression?

It's to know you're not sad,
because you have no reason to
especially when you had a good day today;
and that the thoughts aren't yours
but it's in your head
you can't stop hearing it
and sometimes it makes you cry
sometimes it makes you feel nothing
and then you lie on your bed
thinking it's another day without doing your work
because when you lift up your pencil,
your hand trembles
and you feel weak

And it's not like this everyday,
usually you'd go for days, weeks, even months
without these thoughts

but then you suddenly can't breathe,
and then you'd feel that the weight of your heart
is something you can't carry,
and then you cry for no reason.
You feel like you've been hit by a truck,
and it hurts.

that's why you want it to end,
but you don't want to stop breathing

but it feels like it's the only way out.

#sad #depression #death #thoughts

Elli Oct 2014

"face your demons"

They say that you must face your demons
in order to conquer it,
but I face mine everyday
it stares back at me
as I stare at the mirror
and to destroy it
is to destroy me.

because I am my own demon,
it's inside my head.

#depression