I should start breathing in more fresh air
And less cigarette smoke

Oh darling,
You made me feel like I was floating
On the ocean
Miles and miles away
From everyone.
But now I am sinking
And the fishes are passing me by
As I think about my life
And how nothing ever seemed to turn out right

At night I pour myself into my poetry and drawings.
(Even if it's not always successful)
I drink 3 cups of coffee a day
And coincidentally, I stay up past 4 in the morning.
The weekends are saved for daydreaming.

This month, the hours I spend alone far outshine the hours I spend with my friends.
I think I have more conversations with myself then with them.
Spring this year not only brings blossoms
But a new home too.
With fresh paint and cardboard boxes
I'm hoping distance will allow me to learn to live without you.

I've been trying, to forget how your face looks, and how your eyes are capable of changing tides.
I also need to stop comparing you to Gods
Because as we both know, you have flaws.
Reciprocity, is certainly one of them.

I remembered something you once told me
At 3 am, its the time you are most vulnerable
You said "you are the strongest person I know"
I didn't believe you until you were gone
And now I say those words as if they are a spell that will save my soul

And I feel safest when I'm smaller than I should be
Tucked away under covers, or in bedroom closets
Trying to escape my monsters
But the monsters hid within me
Life can be a little overwhelming at times
And it doesn't help when the people around me
End up being monsters too

Whenever you get close
My eyes water,
My throat closes up,
My thoughts jumble,
I can barely think straight.
My sentences pour out like spoiled milk.
I bet you think I'm an idiot
But I really hope not.

When I think about you,
it doesn't give me butterflies like it used to.
Instead I feel like I swallowed a dozen knives.
Looking through old photographs of us used to bring a smile to my face,
Now I get nauseous.
I once thought I would grow old with you
But the thought of you now makes me cringe.
I gave you my trust
And you tore me apart, bit by bit.
My eyes avoid all the reminisce and fingerprints you left in my home and on my skin.
I have tried to purge you out of my head
because the thought of you makes me disgusted
But its difficult.
You spread yourself thinly through all of my favorite things.
The only thing you never touched was my poetry.

For whatever reason,
I have the greatest faith in time
Dear father time, he can fix all my problems
He can mend all my wounds
As a consolation, he borrows from me, my days, months, and years
He seems to take the salad days and a few memories too