I feel calmest kissing strangers,
gently edging their head closer to mine,
tongue crashing against their lips
like full tides against a shore
and hand on their thigh.
I feel safest popping pills,
knowing the way my head will feel like
a balloon that has been let go.
I feel free when the silly boys
pull a ****** on and look at me like I am holy
while they *** inside of the cosmos between my legs.
I'd rather be reckless than restless,
I'd rather be full of the wrong things than empty.
I think I am slowly killing myself but I feel more alive than ever.