i wish i could say
you make me feel
things i never have before

I do not bite my fingernails
at the thought of you
crawling back and infecting me;
I refuse to be your host.

I will flick you away
like ashes
and you will burn
and crumble
in the wind.

I will not let you touch me.
I will drown you.

You will be gone.

I am here. I am here. I am here.

Your face is tattooed on the inside of my eyelids,
I take your words like medication,
your scent of sunflowers and thunderstorms is so clear to me that
I pretend it lingers on my skin.

Visions of linoleum floors
soaked in your blood;
needles lying on the ground,
your body shaking and taken away
haunt me.
The possible future is filling
my nightmares and I don't know
how to tell you to stop.

You are my drug of choice
but I wish you'd change yours.

n

they had to watch you the first night you were there;
your body was shaking and your mind was strained
and the librium wasn't helping.
you sat with me the next day
and I examined your tall,
gangly frame.
your eyes were
the color of a lake in indiana.
you held the door for me
every time
and hid a photograph of your mother
in your plain black sock.
one day
you told me that the drugs
weren't to get high anymore,
they were to get normal.
you cried when I left
and i cried because you cared.
"i'll miss you!
love you"

there is no such thing as a candid romance,
just words and poses to make people want what you're pretending you've got.

you reek of sulphur, you always did.
the lone match found at the start of an arson.
an insult, a dare:
the embodiment of the phrase,
"make me."

she was so queer,
and looked like my lucky clear lighter;
i could watch the fuel run down
with each cigarette and firecracker lit.

there is no romance
just different ways to start fires.

i kissed nine people on the mouth last night
but i wish i'd been kissing you.
i danced for hours last night
until my feet were numb and my head was spinning.
i wish i had the courage to tell you
i'd much rather have been watching you.
so many people shared their physical
free love with me
but all i could think is "do you still love me?"
and with each beat of the pounding bass-line,
over and over i thought
*"please miss me"
"please miss me"
"please miss me"