aeviternal memorabilia

aeviternal memorabilia Sep 2017

she was a diamond,
glistened in stone.
she wiped my tears away
when i was alone.

and when she'd smile, i would too after.
say a joke, end up in laughter.
she'd cheer me up when i was down.
when she told me not to worry
she said "it will not hurt me."
i wish she still was with me now.

she was my shooting star,
a wish come true.
she kept me in her heart
even though i barely knew.

for mom.
inspired by james arthur's "say you won't let go"

aeviternal memorabilia Sep 2017

break a leg

the spotlights come up
and the crowd cheers
you put a smile on,
stifle back the tears.

gotta hide yourself,
become someone new.
entertain the crowd
'cause they're judging you.

go with the script,
don't improvise.
do what you're told,
or they'll criticize.

don't falter, not at all;
don't be yourself until the curtain call.

break a leg,
the show must go on.

inspired by bridgit mendler's "5:15"

#anxiety

aeviternal memorabilia Sep 2017

hell (20w)

they see my skin
and notice the red cracks,
but they don't know
that i've been through hell
and back.

#20w #depression

aeviternal memorabilia Sep 2017

i'm awake

somehow i'm awake when i wish i'm not.
i'm awake when he leaves at midnight
and i'm awake when he returns at two o'clock.
i'm awake to hear him shifting in his bed,
i'm awake when he talks to her.
and i wish it was all in my head.

who is he talking to?
nobody, he says.

wishing i was asleep, i'm awake when he laughs.
and i beat myself up
because i shouldn't be worried about that.

yet i am.
i'm awake
to make
myself bleed to see if i still give a ****.

he promised to tell me everything
but this, he doesn't want me to know.
is he moving on too fast
or am i too slow?

#depression #anxiety

aeviternal memorabilia Aug 2017

watch me as i fall into the arms of relapse

the clicks and clacks of my keyboard
and the rapid motions of ink
being dragged across page after page
move in sync with my pounding heart
and the millions of thoughts
that come with each beat's rage.
watch me as i fall into the arms of relapse,
because he was the only one who held me
after you laughed at how weird
my suicide notes were to you.
listen to the sounds of blades
scraping at my skin once more
behind a closed door, begging me
for the attention i'm never given anymore.

#depression #selfharm

aeviternal memorabilia Aug 2017

contemplation

what if, tonight, i just stopped breathing,
my heart stopped beating and my chest stopped heaving?
i could swallow those three bottles of fresh pills
while wondering how it went downhill and i was suddenly ill.
it's not like i'm needed here anyway
my mind's just left to rot away while my innocence decays.

#depression #suicide

aeviternal memorabilia Jul 2017

a relative alchemy

two paradoxical hearts beat at viscerally harmonious paces. the shadows we casted in the light of street lamps disfigure our souls into something i can't recognize. the enemy's collusion called for us at the door with temptation in a cage by its side. i heard the junction of our memoirs echo our surreal revival in the crepuscular night, luring us against the enemy's acrimony. though we were trapped in a dome of hiraeth, we found home laying within each other's hearts

and suddenly the dichotomy between us morphed into an alchemy i knew all too well.

inspired by "song for zula" by phosphorescent.

#love