will you pull the trigger?

we stood there in each other's arms,
waiting for the waves to pass,
and though we were both scared of the water,
she grabbed a handful of seaweed
and seashells and starfishes,
weaving them into a crown
made specially for me.
she held it behind my back,
hiding it until the tides lowered.
she saved me from drowning
when i was about to give in.
i will make you believe
you are lovely,
she hummed with the sea breeze.
half of me wanted to take her hand
and walk through the ocean she parted,
yet the other half of me wasn't sure
if i could make her believe that she is too.

as the mirror reflects what is standing in front of it,
your body reflects the pain you've been feeling
as you slowly let your skin be destroyed.
the only thing you've eaten in the past four days
is an apple.
95 calories.
you lift your shirt and see your ribcage.
underneath those frail and fragile bones
are patches of raw skin in the shape of countries
that contain sure capitals of your depression.
your cold but sweaty and shaky hands
travel to the rips on your waist.
the fourteen rips and tears on your waist.
they formed there when people started
staring at the forty-seven rips your thighs
and asking if you were okay,
which, by the way,
drives you absolutely insane
because they knew you weren't
but still they laughed in your face and called you weird and said you were just acting and it was all in your head. in your silly, pretty head. the silly, pretty head you wanted dead. the silly, pretty, dead head you felt like ripping every strand of hair from and gouging each eye out from and-

as the mirror reflects what is standing in front of it,
your body reflects the pain you've been feeling
as you slowly let your skin,
and your sanity,
be destroyed.

In the bitter cold
Moonlight, something was out of
Its place, and though I
Sought to find what it was,
Someone wrapped their arms around me and said
You were gone, and though the silence was rather
Odd, I felt your absence and I suddenly realized that I didn't
Understand the purpose of existence without you.

orange peel smiles stretch from ear to ear
and the sounds of cinnamon laughter
erupt from the stars we hit with baseball bats.
the fireworks emulated the sun for seconds
as i found you in a hammock at the dock
with honeysuckle on your tongue.
you were pointing at the brushstrokes
that kissed the horizon and whispering stories to the river
about the time sugar lured you
to drag thorns across your wrists until they bled red roses.
i carried you away and took you to the fields
of worn-out fences and broken branches,
where white sparks and tootsie rolls
hid behind the bushes with us.
paper umbrellas shielded our faces from the water,
but gave into the fire we fed when it began to fade.
we sat on the edge of a pool of icing and lollipops
and watched the umbrellas burn away with our worries.

we've never been this close to harmonious embraces
but i wish we had sooner.