Does anybody love me
in a way that I like?

When will I ever be
anybody's type

Love is such a joke
all the guys say

Oh how I wish I was dead
I'm so ******* in the head

I feel worthless and weak
after all you did to me

i did nothing wrong
i was too young after all
i just fell asleep
under your underlying spell

you made my life hell
you are so extremely hot
you seem picture perfect
and i simply, am just not.

do you ever forget?
i just live in my head
you said you cant hate me,
could you love me instead?

more than a friend,
but what is a friend,
if you constantly lie to them
fake an apology, and lie again.

lie, lie, lie again
here i cry, and lie again.

you,
you are everything i could ever want
my worst nightmare, shining like a gem
oh how i have grown so numb,
i just might let you use me again.

but don't,
no don't get mad if i destroy you again-

lie, lie, lie again
here i cry, and lie again.

ive been abused my whole life
i dont want to meditate
i dont want to have *** with spirits
i dont want to imagine having love
stop telling me my mom "loved" me
after the hell she put me through
you, blaming everything on me
******* up my mind
you dont understand me
sending me stupid hug emojis

keep wondering why i blocked you
stupid *****
i wish we never met

cause youre gaslighting me
making it look like all my pain was nothing
i am sick of this "spiritual" ****
this **** is unrealistic

i ******* hate you shafari.

you shouldve never dated me
or told me you loved me
you ruined our friendship
you cant get that back

besides that
you're an ******* anyway

this is all your ******* fault

Some people remind me of you
Im writing on my phone
i just got finished making wudu

i feel calm now
Maybe its my period
im acting like the girl
out the book
Who writes to her dead mom

you're not dead
Hopefully
hopefully not after i told you to
so many times

i dont regret a thing
but if you werent dead
id never know
Hopefully youre reading every word i said

You never listen.
You never listen at all.
You never change.

God i want you
So bad

wish you were in my bed
you said you always think about me
Not anymore, huh?

well i think about you

Why didnt you delete your alt account?

I just wanna talk to you.
Go crazy everyday
what else do i have?

Nothing.

and you read everything i write,
But still never listen to me.

I can write to you for centuries
Maybe just
Create an entire account for it

I just wanna talk to you.

Go crazy everyday

what else do i have?

Nothing.

and you read everything i write,
But still never listen to me.

i prayed to god to destroy you

it was my only way out

but now

i need to pray to god

to bring you back in my life

it's the only thing I have

i did message you
but you took so long to respond
i am too afraid..

after four years
to risk you hurting me...

its not only you
whose afraid of being hated.

rejected
i am afraid
you hate me too

or something like that.