Why do I choose to torture myself?
Why do I try to convince myself you’re any good for me in any way?

I’m microdosing
You’re lethal
You have no clue

That’s the only way it could ever happen-
A dream or a movie
Either way, not in this life or any other

Wide awake with worry

Two days ago everything was so different
Now I’m dreading seeing you at work again

It’s okay, I wouldn’t want to hang out with me either

It’s excruciating to just see you
I need to feel you

My soul has been through enough
You might disintegrate it entirely

Please come visit me in my dreams tonight

I want someone to notice you’re happy
I want them to point it out to you
And I want you to realize it’s because of me

Who is she?
What’s her name?
What was she like?
Did she always say the right thing?
Why do you still love her?
Why can’t you love me?

How do you make me feel better and worse at the same time?

I’d like to think I’m special
Something tells me I’m not

You’re hurting me
And you don’t care
Because you don’t know
I’m hurting me by not telling you

You make me feel like everything I ever say is wrong

I don’t need anyone
I just want you

Why are you all I can ever think about?

It won’t hurt my feelings
I don’t have any left

Your genuine conversation sends a wave of happiness that crests higher than heaven

I need a sign
Beyond any shadow of a doubt

I want to know what’s in your head
I want to matter that much to you

We’ve skipped a few steps
Now we’re in limbo

Your validation feels like what I’ve needed my whole life

Every guy sees my soul
Every guy...except for you

Your mind is a minefield
I tiptoe around the danger

My head and heart are strangers now

You don’t think about me at all
It should hurt more
But it’s what I expected

Can no one see the sadness in my eyes?
Am I just that good at masking it?
Or do they just not care?

It hurts so much more knowing I’m being purposefully ignored

I give up.
I tell myself for the millionth time

I’m going to bed
With you on my lips

Who else do you talk to?
Are you making an emotional connection with them?

I miss having someone to make plans with
I miss having a date to look forward to
I miss the routine of a relationship
I don’t miss the raw agony they always end in

I couldn’t save you.
That destroyed us.

Why does it feel like something is happening?
Something...
Starting
Again
I feel the thing I don’t want to feel
I lose everyone I feel for
How do I tell him that?

I can’t imagine you, thinking about me
I can’t imagine me, not thinking about you

Without planning or words, you crossed the threshold
I, closed my eyes and surrendered to your kiss
An explosion of bliss

I get your rotten, maggot filled scraps
I settle for them
Because they’re yours

The thought of you a few towns over, thinking about me,
It’s almost too much for me to take in
What do you want from me?

Don’t accuse me of not mourning our relationship by not crying.
You eviscerated my heart.
Love and fear will be forever vying.
Between her legs you faltered.
You left me to self partner.

I’m not what you want
It hurts
Especially when I know I’m what other guys want
But I just want you

You’re getting too close to me
I’ll only disappoint
That’s what you told me.
What does that even mean?
I can’t change my feelings for you
but,
I can’t force you to have any feelings for me.
I’m disappointed I can’t just be who you want enough for you to even want to try.

The wondering is killing me
Should I tell you how I feel?
Regardless of how I know you feel
Would knowing you don’t like me hurt?

Going to the last marker
Skipping all the usual in between
Excluding my feelings is odd
I love sharing the time and cramped space with you
I hope you somewhat like me
I just want you to think I’m cool
It’s barely the beginning
I’m already scared about the end

Seeing you waiting there
For me
Nothing compares

The pain is more than a frequent visitor now
It’s a permanent tenant

You
Dismissive
Me
Free falling in limbo

You’re taking up too much space in my mind
I know I’m not occupying any in yours
I have to delete you

All we do now is write poetry about each other.
I wonder how you would feel if you knew that all I can focus on, is our past.

I wonder about what broke you
I know a piece of it lies in our pasts that are awfully intertwined
I’m sorry I didn’t tell you
I should have told you
If I could go back,
I’d tell you in a heartbeat
You make my heart beat
You make my heart race