Things never happen how you want them to but they always happen how they’re supposed to

I want nothing more than to see you
but...
Seeing you is getting harder and harder to bear

Should I stop being so negative about you not liking me?
I don’t even know if you do or don’t
I’ve never asked
I’m too afraid of your answer
Maybe if I let in some positive hope something magical would happen

I’m no one
To everyone

You noticed my piercings
I, noticed you

Life is too extreme for my delicate, tender sensibilities

You are the last thought in my head before I drift to sleep
You are there in my dreams, with your smile that makes my knees weak
You are my first thought as my eyes flutter open

People hit their quota of sadness
I just have to pretend to be okay

I’m struggling
But I can’t tell anyone.

I can’t let you control me
I’m halfway pretending it didn’t happen
Any of it

Saying your name...
A forbidden breath escaping my lips

Everyone keeps acting like it’s not a big deal
Like I’m just having a bad day
They don’t realize the thing in my head isn’t like a monster under my bed
It’s a relentless killer

Why keep pretending I could be a fraction of anyone you’d actually want
We should just end whatever this thing we’re doing is

No answers
No reasons
No resolve
Just
Nothing

You’re unlike any person I’ve ever known
Please let me know you fully

I feel relieved that you proved me right

I’m closer to thirty
Not thriving or flirty
A movie you enjoyed.
I thought it would be you,
I got up that night from your second couch,
The thought of asking you to dance flew through my hazy mind
At the last second the music changed,
Almost as if, arranged
By a higher power
One that knew our doomed future
One that knew, you would leave me with wounds that could never be fixed with sutures
I’m still dance less
Maybe, in an alternate universe, the right guy would finally walk up to me, hand outstretched, and ask me
I, in turn, would say yes
Instantly hexed

My nothingness to you is nothing new to me

I want someone that I want and that wants me back

Your condition
Darkness for a month
Only letting in the smallest beam of light for a few days
I’ll wait a lifetime for your light

The loneliness is killing me but,
Why do I prefer to be alone?

Higher and dryer than ever
Thanks

I want something very direct, very concise
Black and white
You’re all grey
Leaving me in a fog

I’m a displaced box
Mislabeled
Contents read: okay
In reality they’re: fragile
Must handle with care

It’s always hurting
I don’t even know what it is

You wrote about her...
You wrote about me...
I know you’ll write about a future her...
I pray my heart is strong enough for whenever that will be...

Yes, I know
It’s happening again
The familiar feeling of locking my heart away another level deeper
The absence of the familiar pain startles me
I know I’ll feel it all later
Compounded

Every night I see you I wish it would never end

Nowhere to be and no one to see

I’m hopelessly too far in
The only way out is exceptionally painful

You.
Me.
Us.
My fervent secret
I love it

This day will have come and gone and nothing will be any different

I miss you.
I hate that I miss you.

I can’t sleep
It’s you
Yet again
Flooding my already drowning mind

I miss who I thought you were
I miss who I made you out to be in my head

I’m most afraid of love
I don’t want it to happen to me
The lover always becomes just another stranger to me in the end

I’m a twisted, broken, petrified tree inside
Just waiting for a stiff breeze to knock me over

Where we can kiss
Where our hands race up and down each other’s bodies
Under the cover of night
Our darkest corner of the earth
Brings out our best light

My feelings will always be unrequited
My heart quietly breaks because of you
Longing to be yours
It’s fine

I’m having imaginary conversations with you in my head
It’s the only place you actually care about what I have to say

I’m 25
Never danced with a guy
All I want in this fast world, is a slow dance
With you

I split up the actual story between two friends
One gets the feelings
One gets the why

Nighttime
Quiet
All my demons bombard me at once
Restlessness
Noise
Endless noise
Turned up to eleven

Writing is my only happy place now
You’ve permeated every other medium

It’s too much
It was all entirely too much

Fate
Destiny
Luck
What brought us together after 7 years?

The sameness is suffocating

I am nothing.
Not even enough to be an afterthought

I get bits and pieces
And only sometimes
I want the whole thing
All of you
In your entirety

The transparency I can see your intentions with has no meaning to me
What am I doing to myself?