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i've been clean for a month
because my box cutter is on the moving truck

i'm back in baltimore
but im not home
not really

everything's normal for two weeks
except it's not

i texted three friends to see if they wanted to hang out while i was back
only one responded
said she was going to be in connecticut

i wanna ask more people
but i dont wanna sound desperate

tell me i dont sound desperate
guess how the move's going!!!
I am not a scarlet letter
I am a crimson red enemy
you are a lavender scent
a mint for my mind
a canvas for my ideas
a freedom wall to my masterpiece
I am not a deer in the headlights
I am the cats and dogs gameplay
That is what I am
*****, sit down and be humble
because even snakes listen to commands
it stings
but thats the price i pay
for doing bad things

again

will it ever stop?

will i ever stop?

itll stop when the world stops spinning
they say it gets better
to wait it out
itll stop when i stop breathing
love cannot be described by words
through the silence that holds us close
through the soft touch of our fingers
it is described through the way
we give in
to the longing within
They find ways to argue
                                      with their inside voice
                                                                              so that when anyone asks

They can say I was just being dramatic.


                                                                                    I pretend to not listen
                                          Keep my headphones on
Ignore my own inside voice

                                                                                And pretend its all okay.
 Feb 28 Xander Holden
lizie
i’ve been pretending to be okay all day but all i can think about is cutting
i don’t know what to do anymore
Please, get out of my head
Please I am begging you
Leave
I don't need you here
But I do
I want you
Just you.
But it's your fault
I can't shut up about you
Please, get out of my head
I don't want you anymore
You can't make up your mind
Because I can't
It seems
It's only filled with you
Like all others did,
I want you to leave
But, I'm stuck with you
And you're stuck with me
I want you
Just you
No one else invading my head
I've gone crazy
Because you aren't in my head
I'm in yours
I've gone crazy
Because you don't want me
The way
I want you.
This is literally what my love life is currently wth
 Feb 12 Xander Holden
Yu
Sometimes, it feels like we are meant to be
Like your fate is written in our destiny.
My love will finally set you free.
So why can't you see, how much you need me?
(10 Feb 2025)
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