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RJ 16h
There were nights
I didn’t want to wake up.
Mornings where my chest felt caged,
where breathing felt like punishment,
not promise.

I’ve stared at ceilings
like they owed me answers.
Told myself I was fine
when I was breaking in slow motion.
I smiled through funerals—
not just of people,
but of versions of me
no one knew I buried.

I gave love to people
who turned it into leverage.
Told my secrets to ears
that sold them for nothing.
Held others up
while I drowned quietly.
Not a splash.
Not a sound.
Just me,
and the weight
that everyone swore they didn’t see.

I trusted hands
that left me bleeding,
blamed myself
for needing.
Let too many “almosts”
convince me I was hard to love.
I became cold,
but I was never heartless—
just tired of being the only one
who showed up.

But something shifted.
Not fast.
Not loud.
Just slowly—
like the way wounds close
when you stop picking at them.

Now I don’t chase.
I choose.
I don’t beg.
I build.
I speak softly
because I’ve learned
my silence holds power
too many tried to steal.

I still remember the pain,
but it doesn’t define me.
It forged me.
Shaped me.
Tested me
without warning
and still—I rose.

So don’t mistake this calm for weakness.
It’s the peace I earned
after surviving storms
you couldn’t stand in.

I’m not who I was—
and thank God.
Because now?
I walk like I know my worth.
Because I do.
And I’ll never hand it to someone
who doesn’t know what it costs.
RJ 20h
Some nights I just stare
at the ceiling
like it’s got answers
I ain’t ready for.
My chest don’t rise right,
my thoughts don’t land clean,
but I’m still here
still waking up.
And that’s gotta count
for something.

I carry too much silence
in a world
that only listens
when you scream.
But I’m not built for drama.
I’m built for storms.
For staying standing
when everything else breaks.

People left.
People lied.
People looked me in the eyes
and promised forever
with fingers crossed.
And yeah,
that used to **** me.

But now I let go
without warning.
No second chances.
No half-closed doors.
Just me,
the weight,
and whatever peace
I can wrestle from the night.

This ink ain’t for show.
It’s my scripture.
My history.
My survival in symbols.
The jester on my skin—
that’s the laugh I wear
when pain starts talking too loud.

I’m not bitter.
Just aware.
Just done
with hoping people
will be who I needed
when I needed them.

I’ve made peace with the mess.
I talk to the mirror
without flinching now.
I know who I am.
And more importantly
I know who I’m not.

I’ve bent,
I’ve broken,
but I never folded.
And I won’t start now.
RJ 2d
My hand tells stories
before my mouth finds words
rosary wrapped in ink,
just like my father’s,
a chain that frees me
as it reminds me
of faith, pain, bloodline,
and this life I’m learning to live.

LIVE / LIFE
etched across my knuckles,
a vow I whisper to myself,
a tribute to Juice’s beats
that spoke my unspoken grief,
the echo that lingers
when every note falls silent.

I left once,
but my soul stayed behind
Phoenix in body,
Florida in my heart,
brakes held since sixteen
under the weight
of things no kid should bear.

I’ve bled in conversations
that never heard me;
loved people who only saw
the parts they wanted.
I cut ties
but not before the ache
cut deeper.

Loyalty is my scar,
visible only to those
who look close enough
and I remember:
my dad, my siblings,
even the ex I couldn’t forget.

I don’t trust easy
but I haven’t stopped feeling;
I just learned
where to hide the ache.

I swagger in my jokes,
walk silent in the crowd,
carry more than my weight
but beneath it all
there’s something soft,
like my unfinished rose,
still blooming,
still becoming.

I’ve been stuck
but never broken;
alone
but never empty
and every day
I choose to keep moving
even when the world
doesn’t cheer.

That’s my strength:
not just survival,
but transformation
the slow becoming
of someone who finally
chooses themselves
every
****
time.
RJ 4d
He loved with his whole chest,
even when her heart was halfway out the door.
Stayed loyal through the silence,
through the lies,
through the echoes of “maybe”
that always meant “no.”

He was the one they called too soft
but only because they’d never felt
what it’s like to carry someone else's weight
and still stand tall.

She left.
Not once.
Not twice.
Over and over,
until he started leaving himself too.

But pain became his teacher.
The betrayal? His blueprint.
The silence? His sharpening.

He doesn’t chase closure anymore.
He creates it.
With ink, with breath, with truth.
With fire behind his eyes that says:
“You don’t get to write the ending to my story.”

He’s been single, but not broken.
Guarded, but not cold.
Healing, but still whole.

He’s the man in the mirror now
still scarred, still rising.
Still loyal to love,
but finally learning to be loyal to himself first.

And when he loves again?
It’ll be earned
not begged for.
It’ll be real
not rehearsed.

Because he’s not the same man she walked away from.

He’s becoming the man no one gets to walk over again.
RJ 5d
I waited for silence to speak,
for an apology wrapped in truth,
for the echo of her voice to say,
“You were right to love me — I was wrong to leave.”

But closure never comes in words we don’t hear.
It comes in accepting what was never said.
It lives in the quiet decision to
stop bleeding for someone who’s already healed.

I thought closure meant answers.
Now I know
it means no longer needing them.

It’s standing at the edge of a memory
and choosing not to fall in.
It’s hearing her name and
feeling nothing sharp.
Only space.
Only breath.

Closure isn’t the door she locked behind her.
It’s the one I just opened for myself.
No key.
No goodbye.
Just me
and peace
finally making eye contact.
RJ Jun 21
I used to think healing
meant forgetting,
meant burying the past
like it never lived in me.
But I’ve learned
it means remembering without breaking.
It means growing
from the ashes,
not pretending there was never fire.

I don’t need closure from her.
I gave it to myself.
No apology,
no explanation,
just the quiet truth
that some people are chapters
not endings.

The mirror looks different now.
Not because I changed overnight,
but because I finally see
someone worth choosing
even if no one else does.

There’s strength in starting over.
There’s power in soft things
that refuse to stay broken.
And I’ve carried my scars
like seeds,
planted them deep,
and watched something bloom
where pain once lived.

This is not a rebound.
Not a distraction.
Not a mask.

This is me,
unlearning the ache,
rebuilding the soul,
making space
for a love that feels like home
without having to beg for the key.

So here I stand
not with regret,
but with grace.
Not with wounds,
but with roots.

This is where I begin again.
Not because I lost her,
but because I finally
found myself.
RJ Jun 20
In the quiet spaces between words,
I found echoes of a love once spoken.
Promises passed through screens,
now shattered in the silence of absence.

I wore my pain like a second skin,
hiding behind smiles that never reached my eyes.
Each scar a story untold,
each tear a memory fading.

But in the ashes of what was,
I discovered the strength to rebuild.
Not for them, but for me.
Not to forget, but to heal.

I apologize not for the battles fought,
but for the wars I waged within.
For the times I let the darkness win,
and for the light I almost lost.

Yet, here I stand,
a mosaic of broken pieces,
still searching for peace
in the fragments of a silent heart.
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