I remember feeling a sense of misery
Taking morphine like candy
Wanted to be understood and cared for
But could someone truly understand me
How can they understand me without judging me?
The night I died was the happiest night of my life
I just want to be closer to heaven
I hate being left alone with my thoughts because I'm not good enough
I can't love someone like they imagine to be loved
I can't care for someone the way I would like to care for them
I just want to live a happy life
but is it too good to be true?

I just want to tell him the truth
That I died a thousand times
I could die again
I want to tell him the true pain I've been through
But he will leave
The pain ruined me
But he just doesn't understand
I could die tonight

I only hope and desire for you
I only hope to find you as the other piece of my puzzle
I only want you to be my Clyde and I want to be your Bonnie
But I'm only young
So can I think about the future
Can I think about love
I just want to see progress
I don't know I just want to see love
But is that too much to ask for
Or is that just EZ love

Broken heart
Shattered feelings
The love is lost
But was it even there?
Were the feelings so closeted it left?


He kept me on delivered
All I wanted was to be read
I wanted him to examine me and my emotions
But could he truly understand me?
Could he understand that I was hurt deep down?
Or was I so flawed he just saw it as another insecurity within myself?

**Delivered, Delivered

I remember one summer
I wanted to be like Donna Summer
I wanted to feel love
Like the year 1977

I came like the dark moon
Subtle and reminiscent
Gleaming from above
Just to feel lonely like a dove
Quickly moving from side to side
Shining so vigorously it hurts
Choose or rather be disowned
Oh Oh Lonely Moon
"Beautiful," they say
You stay up to see my darkness and fall asleep
while my light shines
Rather contradicting
Rather detrimental
Rather lonely
Lonely
Lonely

I want to look out and see you
I want to look out and smile
I want to hold your face
I want you
Ha, I can't
I can't see you
I can't see your smile
I can't hold your face

Ever had love taken away from you?
Ever had breath but could not breathe?
Ever had fools take away something valuable to you?
Ever had something so big that was swiped away from you in an hour?
Ever felt so lonely that you felt like you didn't have anyone?
Ever miss the kisses and the warm embrace you've felt?
Ever miss the sunshine and you wake up to not see your love?

Today I wanted to be loved
I wanted to be held
I wanted to be embraced
I wanted someone to be in love with me
Someone who looked at me so passionately
I wanted him

Better off by myself
Broken heart
Love at first sight
Will **** you on second glance

Heart dismantled
But the words were sentimental
How can I glue the pieces together when I made them fall apart?

How can I get so wrapped up in something?
Why do I insist on my heart being broke?


It became painfully clear

I fail to realize...
I fail to realize over and over again
I fail to realize everybody is not for me
I fail to realize everybody doesn't want to see me succeed
I fail to realize a lot
I just want to succeed but it's so hard with no supporters
Try waking up everyday trying trying to do right
But to the world they see wrong
So they don't see me
Im an ant to a dog

I'm sitting here
Sitting here awake
But I'm weary of the way
Sitting here rambling thoughts
Trying to see if it's a "yes" or a "no"
Sitting here wasting my time
Time going by so fast
While I'm just sitting here
I hear the sounds of murmurs
Wondering why sometimes I have to be firmer
Wondering why sometimes I'm not present
But I'm in the bittersweet past
Im still wondering
Im still sitting

Pain is inevitable
Bad thoughts are nothing of God
Depression happens because the devil wants to stop your happy thoughts
I can only trust God
No one loves like him
And I had to question if he's there
But when I was alone and by myself near to my death bed
No one was there but him
He brought me out of my pain and bettered me

Mentally I was down
But then someone saw
They saw me
They saw my talent
They saw something that I thought I had lost
And once they saw  
I felt
I felt loved
I felt appreciated
Sometimes it's hard to receive support when you feel like you're not at your best
It's been a long journey
A really looooong journey
I've lost the most important and influential people in my life and I'm only so young
They pushed me so far while they were here
And sometimes I just have to realize my losses only makes me stronger
My lost ones are in the sky looking down on me and watching my future
While I think I'm stuck in this particular moment
But they see greatness
And I do to

Heavy rain
Cold winds
Chill bumps
Beautiful scene
Calming noises
Cozy toes
Lovely memories
Silent sleep
Relaxing vibes
Oh so sweet

I was so busy living in a fantasy
I forgot about reality
My fantasy felt so right
But once it was over reality came with no reguards
I feel so empty, because I'm not where I want to be
My family loves to say they're are here
But in reality there not
Sometimes I wish I can rewind life and start over
Everything will be different

Y'all ever have two good choices?
When choice one is awesome
And choice two is awesome
but you can't choose one
but you can't choose two
So you're stuck debating on which one to choose
And you have to choose in a day
But you're as indecisive as a mosquito
So you're just like .............
And choice one is waiting on you to choose him
And then choice two is waiting on you to choose him
But really they're both so good and I both like them
But I just can't choose

He kissed me on my neck
I said "No temptation"
Deep down I'm already tempted but it doesn't work like that with me
He said he had to tell me something
So can a kiss tells you what a person is thinking?
I don't believe so
I said tell me to my ear
He kissed my ear
I said "No temptation"
Is this the devils way of trying to tempt me and distract me from my goals?
Is it?
Because if it is, its not going to work

Y'all ever feel hopeless sometimes
You're around so many people who don't believe in you
Can't see far enough to your dreams
Don't believe in your words or could understand it?
Y'all ever feel alone in a room full of people and feel better alone.
Sometimes I'm ready to go but I can't go just yet
If you're reading this, your reading how I've been feeling lately.
I haven't been writing because I feel uneasy, its just so hard to live your life pleasing others, and its very hard to express it
Anybody who's out there living for others, STOP NOW! And live for yourself

look at me
tell me what you see
tell me what you see that i don't see
because i don't see a lot
do i look broken from the outside as i feel on the inside?
am i ugly on the outside as i feel on the inside?
can you tell me how to be happy?
can you help me get over depression?
can you just tell me what i need to know?

Mentally dismantled
Spiritually a bundled
Cranium tasseled
Failed attainment
Craze by the crowds
Oh how I feel demised
Trained by the master
Hidden intellect
Chosen few has heard
Chosen few has experienced
Life changing words
Brain is so superb
Tongue twisters is a love spot for the genuis that is her
She is her
Her is me
Her is you
Her is us
Her is many
Many of the intellects
Many of the power holders
Many of the strong
Many of her

**** her
She's like a raisin in the sun
She's all dried up
Can't stand to look at her
All I see is her demon eyes
Can't stand to talk to her
All I hear is trash
Oh she's quite irrelevant at this point
But she did it on her on

Alone at home
House is filled with people
But that doesn't stop the anger or sadness
I'm alone
Wow

AmeriKKKa
Land of the free
Land of the whites
Hell for the blacks
Equality non existent
KKK running land
Blacks running dead
Blood splatters everywhere
KKK never stops
Blacks broken with grief
Whites uplifted with grief

Blood splatters
White devil
Black angel
Killed by the devil
Debatable sentence
Death sentence or a couple of years?
Killed a brother
But it's debatable
If our brother got a death sentence and 8 shots in the back
It's only right if you get a death sentence
Can the government protect our brothers and our sisters?
AmeriKKKa government can not protect us because it was not made for us
But we can change that
We have to keep on fighting
We have to keep on protesting
We have to keep on studying
We have to get in the office
We have to get these law degrees
We have to become governors
We have to win
Because we've been losing
We've gotten so far
But not that far

I sit here
And I feel so empty
I feel like I was emptied out
My thoughts are empty
Everything is empty
Empty
Empty
Empty
****

Contradicted
Don't live today thinking tomorrow will come
Don't live today thinking a change will come
Don't live today fretting for tomorrow
Don't live today expecting joy in the morning
Don't live today expecting sorrow in the morning
Don't live today thinking I'll be here tomorrow
Don't live today thinking I won't be here tomorrow
Contradicted
Corroboration

I felt pretty empty
All I see is white walls
Noises from laughing children
Annoyance from sadist adults
Tension from everyone around
An emptiness that could not be described
A defeat that I felt happened
The road is short
But I'll roam in the woods and find another way
The road is short
But I'll turn back around and find the exit before
The road is short
But baby I'm not giving up
The road is short
But I have to go farther

She stared blankly at me
Her beautiful bold eyes
Deep down she was in pain
She was rejected by society
Was she good enough?
Her big curly Afro
Her smooth face
The mark above her lip
She stared and I stared back
I wonder what she saw

Butterflies fluttering around
Canoes moving slowly across the subtle waves
Kids laughing and gawking
Bugs flying
Ducks fighting
Families grilling
Couples holding hands
This is relaxation
This is nature

Beautiful words
Beautiful sounds
Beautiful voice
Music
Musician
I fell in love
How can I have ******* with words that enter my ears?
It's beautiful
It makes my ears tingle

Purified by the water
Holy oil in the water
New life
New way
New thoughts
Pure soul
Beautiful life

Cheated
Cheated out of my money
Cheated out of my soul

The joker
I admired the joker
People think it's weird
The joker made me into a better me
His struggles caused insanity
For a while my struggle was his
He showed me what not to do
So I decided to do the opposite
And overcome
The joker was so mentally insane it killed him
I wanted to get out of the insanity and become sane again
And here I am
RIP The Joker

She killed me mentally
The scaring of her words
Almost killed me physically
These cuts is a representation of all her words

**** this life of mines
My heart hurts
My soul is aching
The disrespect from people is to much
The constant nagging from people is to much
**** my life
I see so much more
It's taking forever to get there
It's taking forever

I'm sitting here
I'm sitting here in the car in the rain
As I look at the droplets on my window
I look at my tears stream down the window
As I hear the thunder
I hear the hate from others
As the rain stops
My tears stop
As the thunder stop
The hate stops
It's over

I'm so used to getting used
I now offer myself
It's a sad thing
Very depressing
They say they need me
And I'm there
But when I need them
I never recieve an answer
I'm not the pillow you can flip over and use every night
I'm not the toothbrush you use everyday
I'm not the water that you drink
But I am me
And I should not be used like an everyday thing

Discovered pain
They try to rekindle
Two different lifestyles
Suburban and the hood
I never grew up like they did
Always had fancy cars and fancy houses
They paid five grand for there home
I saw them for the first time they were shocked
Oh how I sound stuck up
Oh my birthday is coming up
Oh what are you going to get me
They don't know me
They're using me for what I got
I'm better off without them

Depravation
Deprived of the odds of our stars
Little ***** ****** me and left me
Depravation of the hard time rambling in my old mind
Past coming like the present time
Future dim with nine lines
My ***** ****** me on nylon
The depravation of my mind
Hard to think
Hard to swallow the deprived thoughts
I need some water give me some water
I'm deprived

Who's your father?
John Doe
Who's your father?
The government
Who's your mother?
Borderline personality disorder
What's wrong with your mother?
Sinful thoughts of the abused
Disorders and John Doe

Oh babe! You're so beautiful" he said
Oh babe! Can I get some pictures" he said
Oh babe! Can I use your heart" he did
Oh babe! This is not going to work" he said
Oh babe! I crushed your heart" he did
Oh babe! I still love you" he said
Oh babe! *******" I said

You give them your ******* heart
For them to laugh it
For them to want more
But they can erase you out of there life in one second
Because they didn't care about you
They just want to empty your heart

My words has a stinch, therefore it lingers
Lingers into your mind and continue to stay
Lingers until new words approach and blossoms
The lingering effect

Twisted fantasy of the bleak insanity

People are fascinated by death
I am fascinated by life
Maybe people don't see death as I see it
I've seen it many time
I've felt it many times
I want to live
Live freely and enjoy every breath I have
Living in the realm of happiness

No ero love over here, no passion at all
Shame! Shame! Shame!
No ludus love over here, I'm very monagmous
No storge love over here, well then again we may have a little storge love going on
Pragma love, could be from both of us but would it really be love?
Mania love is all that we have, we go through the highs and we go through the lows when you're high
Agape love, no we don't have that , it would be lovely though

Flow so sickening
Haters always get infected
I'm up and away
They down and out
They cause arguments to be relevant
There irrelevance will never be relevant to I

He was looking at me
But I was looking at the waiter
He finally lose me
He was so egotistic
His ego got in between us
It sawed right in half of our bonded heart
Last night I left him
Last night I left him in the dark

A world
A big world yet it seems so small
While the fat and the rich indulge
While the poor and the helpless loose cautious
While the churches are getting bigger and fancier
While public schools are getting smaller and messier
While the killers are set free
While the victims die
While critics critique to ****
While critics cry because they can't take the heat
While the ball drops on New Years
While the homeless man looks for another chance
While the big and rich are known for nothing
While the small and poor will never be known
While I look at this world
While I see the destruction of
humanity
When will we get better?