OnLithium: Poems

[e-f]

OnLithium May 21

[e-f]

every ten seconds
feels like a thousand years
every time i laugh
know ive cried a thousand tears

every time i wince
know ive always been in pain
every time the sun pokes out
feels like i worry about rain

Eh

OnLithium Apr 30

Eh

I live in my own creation
Or I live in a godless simulation
Eh, its about the same.

Ensared

OnLithium Dec 2018

Ensared

Heartbreak
Fueling my hands
With the richest
Form of
Getting lost
I am nothing
But the words
That I write
And now
Reality has
Blended
My life
Into dreams
Altering them
Into nightmares
I am drowning
In drink
Silence
And subtleties
The unsaid
Can’t cry
Empty eyes
And
Photographed smiles.

Fatigue

OnLithium Sep 2022

Fatigue

I'm working two jobs
Just to get by
Time seems to be flying
And I know why
My money goes away, so does my day
It's empty, and I mean my pockets
Have a short fuse, don't set me off
I'm like a ******* nuclear rocket
Can't seem to escape
This ****** head space
So for now I'll just keep rockin'

Fault

OnLithium Apr 5

Fault

Crawl for acceptance
Beg for indifference
You're just an investment
A mere disappointment

Never going to be
Everything you want me to be

How can I change
If I'm the same person

**** me if you desire
Let me see the brightest hellfire

fidus Achates

OnLithium Jun 7

fidus Achates

Daydreaming
About saying hello again
And never saying goodbye

Daydreaming
About seeing you smile
And it never fading away

Daydreaming
About playing in the stars
And never coming back down

Filth

OnLithium 3d

Filth

This feeling
In the gut
The butterflies
Turn to termites
What made you
Stir inside
Is now eating
You alive
And now you are left
Rotting

For Prof.

OnLithium Jun 23

For Prof.

You chase
Till I fall
You watch
As I tumble
You leave
When I hit
The bottom

For You

OnLithium 7d

For You

Contemplate suicide
Yet worry about death
The man I was
Died a long time ago
The man I am
Will die soon
And the man I'll become
Will die eventually
This may sound depressing
But when you realize
I'm becoming somebody
I never thought I would be
Just for her
And to eventually lay to rest
With her
You realize it's the most beautiful
Love story ever told.

GB

OnLithium Jun 12

GB

Its the way
You praise me
Call me yours
Break me down
In the best way
You make me weak
And feel strong
So throw me
And hold me
Call me
Well you know

Haunted

OnLithium Jun 30

Haunted

Being remembered
Forever
Sounds like like a tall
Task
That I'm not up for
Nope
I just want to be
Forgiven
For all that I've
Caused

Hide n Seek

OnLithium Jul 2022

Hide n Seek

I shed the stress of my day
Off at the door
I shed my tears in private
So you don't see
I don't hide my emotions
Just for the sake of it
I don't tell you what is eating away
At my mind and heart
You try to see through the curtains
I don't like Hide and Seek
But if I even gave you a peek
I cannot let you see me when
What I see as me being weak
All these little things
I hope you never see
So you and I can focus
On just being we

Honestly?

OnLithium Jun 7

Honestly?

I get asked questions
That I
Have already tortured myself with
For years
I get defensive
While being offered guidance
I get fueled by false hope
That someday
I'll have the wherewithal
To wake up
Look myself in the mirror
And be okay with what I see
But for now
Therapy blows chunks.

Ideations and Inhibitions

OnLithium May 2

Ideations and Inhibitions

Escape comes at a cost
But I've been so ******* lost
I forgot what I'm running from
And now I'm

I want to be here
For everyone I love
But I can't do this
And now I'm

Holding

A bottle of pills
A gun
A steering wheel
A thick piece of rope
A straight razor
A whole bunch of bad decisions

Inbox Not Setup

OnLithium May 19

Inbox Not Setup

Let me sleep in peace for once
Let me not feel this way ever again
Let me have the strength to carry on
Let me find my way in this world
Let me see who I really am

I keep asking for these things
And no god answers my calls
But I can't blame any of them though
I don't even answer my own soul

Incapable

OnLithium Jun 3

Incapable

Its always
The simplest
Of things
That can't
Be done
Even just
A quick
I'm sorry

IN TOO DEEP

OnLithium Apr 30

IN TOO DEEP

This existence is either
Breathing at the bottom
Or drowning at the top
This pool is a deception
Its depth a conception
Beyond my understanding
Yet it remains demanding
I give it all of me
Yet it remains empty.

Is

OnLithium Apr 5

Is

Everything you didn't ask for
Nothing like the last *****

Said I wouldn't let feelings creep
Now we're rolling way too deep

You know me far too well
Now you see my complete hell

Not who you want
Not when you wanted it
Not who you need
Not when you needed it

Both still here so that's just life.

Kalliope

OnLithium Jun 10

Kalliope

One of nine Muses
"Beautiful voice"
The patron
Of poetry
And heroic song
Homer's inspiration
Never forget who you are

Konstante

OnLithium Sep 2022

Konstante

Hurt
Heartfelt sorrow
Burnt
Nothing I won't feel
Tomorrow
Thinking only makes it
Worse
I'm haunted and I guess it's a
Curse

LAMICEDAXEH

OnLithium Jul 2022

LAMICEDAXEH

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

Last Laugh

OnLithium Jun 29

Last Laugh

I love everything
About not having social media
I worry less
Don't waste my time
Yet
The biggest drawback
Is I can't rub in your face
How happy I am
With someone else

Lead Me (Or Don't)

OnLithium Apr 30

Lead Me (Or Don't)

I don't know where
We were led astray
Been told to look up
But all I see is devils above
And angels below
All the right intentions have paved
The way to hell
Lies and misdirections have guided
The way to heaven

Let Me In

OnLithium Apr 30

Let Me In

I've been looking
For God in silence
Screaming for help
In empty horizons

I've been hurting
For as long as I can remember
Crying pitiful tears while my body
Begs to surrender