Are you reading this?
Ten out of ten you’re scrolling right on past.
My words mean nothing in the shuffle of the
others who are bolder.
But even if I yelled it out,
no one would bother to hear me.
The lines I write are everything to me.
And each one expresses what I cannot say in person.
If only someone else would care for them just as much.

You can erase me from your memories.
Not pick up the phone and dial those numbers.
Talk and talk and say all the right words to the people who don’t really know.
Those words never reach here.
Do you get how I ask myself if I’m the one all wrong?
If I’m apart of problem.
It leaves me hating myself sometimes.
You can’t hear the cries from where you are.
And you’ll never know the nightmares living in my head trying to chase me down.
I’m hurting deep inside.
And all you do is stay away,
dragging the pain a little further each day.

Tired bones,
and tired eyes,
I struggle to get through each hour.
Loosing my patience and sanity.
I wonder if the battle is loosing.
Then in the back of my mind pushing its’ way past the doubt and hurting,
I hear a voice softy whisper,
“Dear child,
tomorrow is coming and you do all you can.
You take on an impossible task,
and you refuse to quit.
Though the work seems giant,
remember you can’t do it all.
There is only so much the world can put on your shoulders.
And for everything else,
that is why I am here.
When everything feels like it’s crumbling,
look up and there I’ll be there.
Yes, child.
I’m always there.”

You go on and on about love,
and about taking the time to be there.
To show the ones you love you care.
But maybe that doesn’t apply here.
You show up at the worst,
and leave because you can.
No hey how’s it going?
Or I was just thinking about you.
You speak of being there for those that matter.
But the blood that runs deep,
never really mattered to you.
Because you come when it’s convenient.
You call when want takes over sincerity.
Tell everyone to do the little things for you,
and yet the line keeps ringing from miles away.
You hold on to memories and heritage
with no one around to share them with.
We’re right here.
Same place we have been.
We haven’t forgotten,
and our hearts ache when words are disconnected.
I’m doing my best to keep the hope alive.
But where hope flows as far as a river,
here it runs dry.
So instead of hoping for something that isn’t willing to do the same,
I’ll hope for something else that won’t leave me bitter and confused.

It courses through my entire being,
and I’m numb frm the sensation.
Why can’t I feel?
If I stop the demons come back,
and I return to fighting a battle I’ll never win.
But choosing to erase all sense of happiness, hope, and anger leaves me void of all that I once cared about.
Maybe I can find the balance in between,
because I don’t want to loose the part of me that loved so true.
But more importantly...
I want to loose what brought me here.

Wake up, wake up.
Open your eyes and see today.
Roll over in your bed
and see the sun rise
or the stars still sprinkling across the sky. Yesterday you lived,
but what’s even better
is you’re living today.
And those eyes you opened,
get to do it all over again.

And I can barely breathe.
Words twisted in broken angles,
emotions caught in webs I can’t undo.
I try to free myself,
but I fail miserably.
And as a year passes,
I’m still all wrong,
and never right.
So please forget that I was even here.