love comes in so many different ways
some come and some go
some stay forever
you'll never know
all you can do is enjoy it while it lasts
and looking back you'll remember how they used to make you laugh
all the moments you had
it'll make you sad
I look back and remember your face
I don't quite know how my love faded away
one moment it was there and it was gone the next
I can only assume it's a part of some big plan
I'll love again
for now I find love in my friends and family
the ones who are always there no matter what
they show me true love
they show me what love is like unconditional
they show me the love I need
love from them is a blessing in disguise
yes I loved you but that was a different time
I'll now find love in the family that I made mine
the family that is not blood but so much thicker
the family that shows that a house is not a home
I'll always remember the love that I have lost
but I'll live in the love I have gained
the love I have found
the love that I own
and if they move on I'll once again be alone
but I'll know that someday I'll find it all again
I'll look back and see their faces
I'll remember all the moments we shared
I'll laugh and it'll fade to tears
I'll remember what we had
I'll wonder why it had to go
but it's all a part of the way love works
it comes and it goes
but you'll always have someone to love
focus on what you have
not what you lost
look back and remember the happy times
make memories with the people we love
it might not be forever
hold on to it with all your might
oh yes love comes in many different ways
a lover
a friend
a sister
a brother
not everyone stays
some will go
and that's okay
you'll always have the memories you made
hold on tight
but don't be afraid to let them go
some must move on
and that's okay
not all of them are meant to stay
love is not meant to be easy
it's meant to be strong
a force to be reckoned with
but sometimes that force goes away
who's to say why
it's just the way
you'll always remember their face
let love come and go
you'll never know
they might be the one to save your soul
they might be the forever and always
let it in
let it shine
just know when to say goodbye

I keep to myself, you open me up
you help me out when I feel stuck
when I feel lost, you show me the way
In the darkness, you are my light
all of the people I love burn so bright
they light the way on my cloudy days
they give me a reason to smile
a reason to stay
I love them all though I show it in different ways
I don't mean to push them away
only some of them understand me in a deep way
I try to make you understand but it feels like you'll never get it
I wasn't born to always be happy
I get sad for no reason
I'm depressed to the core
that's what I have medicine for
I take the pills to make me smile
to make me laugh
to make me not feel so sad
but even then the people I love are my reason to stay
the true reason I smile
when so much is wrong with this world
they are what's right
this world is not black and white
I always see the grey
but I always see the good in them at the end of the day
I smile and I laugh
these people I love give me that
they give me the privilege of knowing happiness
I don't believe in much
but I believe in them
I believe in love
I believe that they are my purpose in this world
I'm here to make them smile
I'm here to make them laugh
I do for them what they have done for me
so I'll smile and I'll laugh so that they'll do the same
my smile is no longer fake
I smile for them
they make me smile

gone too soon
that's what they'll say when they cry at my grave
they'll read my note and wish that I would have stayed
they won't understand that the world wasn't right for me
they won't understand the fire in my head
they won't understand the want to be dead
gone too soon is what they would have said
if I chose to die and not fight
but I fight so they won't have to cry
I fight so they won't think I left too soon
I want them to be happy
I see how they care
I'll let them give me flowers while I'm still here
flowers on my grave are far away
the headstone with my name can wait
the coffin shouldn't be ordered
I won't make them worry about a hearse
my pain is a curse
yet they are my blessing
one day I'll die
but not today

Birthdays are the very definition of depression
I love and I hate
I'm older
I made it
Another year I didn't die
But another year I had to survive
Another year that I went through pain
And so many more years I have to face
I want to cry and turn away
But everyone wants to celebrate
I rejoice in their effort
I cry because they love me
I can't leave
I try to stay
Another year I fought hard for my life
Another year I questioned what's in my head
Another year I broke down more times than I can count
Another year I survived and don't know how
Yes I'm happy I made it this far
But I'm scared of the next part
I dream of real happiness
I hope this gets better
But all I see is more struggle
More pain
More crying
More breakdowns
Fighting to breathe
Fighting to live
Fighting the will to die
I made it this far
But not far enough
Too much time left
Too much time to live
To experience happiness
Pain
Love
Hate
Failure
Success
A future so uncertain
I feel the pain of it already
I brace myself
I calm myself
Another year and I'm older
Another year and I'm more healed but feel so broken
It'll be okay
I can fight this mind for another year
For my whole life
Here we go again
This emotional rollercoaster
That's all this we ever be
That's all life is
The ups and downs
The joy and sadness
And oh so much pain
But I'm not alone
So I'll celebrate that I made it this far
And I'll celebrate that I gave them my heart
And I'll celebrate that this is only the beginning of my long journey ahead

Time passes and before you know it you're broken
Time breaks you
It passes by and you'll never get to know why
I watch as it passes
Oh please come back
Oh please heal me as you pass
But it never does
I'm shattered
All my pieces are on the floor
And people keep picking them up and handing them to me
But only when they noticed that I shattered
I know so much about life though I have barely lived
I've been through so much
I feel so old and yet I'm so young
Wise and broken beyond my years
Take these tears with you time
Take the scars with you
Take this wisdom with you
I don't want it
I want to be dumb and not know anything
Take me away time
I want to be gone
Let's go home time
I think I'm done

I'm not perfect I cry
I'm not perfect I lie
I'm not perfect I make mistakes
I'm not perfect I forget things
I'm not perfect I have bad thoughts
I'm not perfect I think about ending it all
I'm not perfect I'm nowhere near
I have emotions
I'm only human
I'm not perfect and you make me think I'm supposed to be
I'm not perfect and that makes you angry
I'm not perfect and you wish I was
I'm not perfect and I'm so tired of everyone wanting that from me
I don't want to be perfect
I just want to be me

What am I doing?
Where am I going?
Where is this life taking me?
Why am I blindly following?
Who am I?
Do I know myself?
I live inside a stranger
She looks at me in the mirror and I hate her
Am I that ugly person who looks away from the mirror?
I can't be
I don't want to be
Get me out of this stranger
Her mind is toxic
Her looks are hideous
That can't be me
I have to be better
I have to be someone
How can I just be no one?
Why does she not talk?
Why does she stay silent?
Why does she lie?
Why does she hide?
Why does she have such a toxic mind?
Why am I trapped in this stranger?
Where did I go?
Wasn't I happy once?
Was I?
I can't remember
Who is that girl in my photos living my life?
Is that me?
No it can't be
Where did I go?
Where are all those happy times?
Why is it so hard to remember them?
I try to remember
I want to remember
Stop lying about your childhood!
That didn't happen!
You weren't happy!
You cried every night!
What happy child are you talking about!?
Stop lying!
Your life is a lie!
Not happy!
Never happy!
I'm a stranger
Not because I don't know who I am
Because I don't want to know
I want that girl in the mirror to be a stranger
Someone I see and pity smile at her because she looks like she needs it
I don't want her to be me
I want to be the beautiful person who passes her
I don't want to be her
Why am I her?
I can't be her
Let her be a stranger