Once there was a cutie.
A boy with a really nice *****.
Sadly, he lives cross the state.
When I just want to take him out on a date.
But until then, I'll just think of him in the nudey.

"No one ever loved me like you."

I've been staring out the window for so long. Looking. Observing. Thinking. I made the statement once with a sculpture that people are able to focus on what's in front of us, what is in the distance, and what is behind us.

There are three consequences of these three actions:

1. They becomes so focused on what's in front of us that they cannot focus on what's in the distance.
2.  They become so focused on what's in the distance that they become disillusioned to what's in front of them.
3. They focus on what's behind us and then is incapable of dealing with what is in front of them and what is in the distance.

When I use my hands for good, it's for me.
When I put love into my cooking, it's for me.
When I maintain good habits, it's for me.
When I practice self love, it's for me.

I was taught that love is conditional. I was taught that I couldn't receive love unless I fit into a certain mold. But you know what? I refuse to do that. I refuse to limit myself and my being to the idea everyone has for me.

Why should I have to love myself under certain expectations?

Why can I not accept unconditional love? Is it because I've never known unconditional love, or is it because I feel that I don't deserve it?

I've spent so much of my life trapped in a bubble of expectations. I cannot live within borders because I know that I am limitless. I cannot act with love and I cannot love without loving myself first.

I don't think that loving myself unconditionally is a crime. I don't think it makes me selfish. Loving myself unconditionally makes me feel human.
Being human is my favorite thing about myself.

I love that humans have come so far that I am privileged to be typing on my computer about my inner workings. I don't have to worry about my survival because it feels assured.

I love the people around me so much. I was taught that family is the most important, which is valuable to some but not all. I love that I feel unconditional love from people who aren't blood.

That makes me feel so good. I feel validated that another human is able to value me without there being a catch or obligation (That is the exact reason why I ended up loving someone more intimately that I had expected).

Conditional love is the problem and unconditional love is the solution.
The lesson I've learned over the last few weeks is that I need to be able to accept love without any certain conditions.

Admire the proportions, the features, the confidence.
These are supposed to define the ideal male.
These things have nothing to with my perception of ideal.

When I put myself in that position
I call myself Michelangelo, David in front of me.
I admire his proportions, his features, his confidence.

I throw myself so far into the fantasy, reality becomes a fog.
Enamored by him, his features, our closeness.
I am entranced by him, we transcend into the unknown.

I return to reality, and realize that I've gone too far.
I can't take back the words I've said,
or the time I've spent staring into his eyes.

But I'm no Michelangelo and he is not David.
My inspiration is much closer to my heart.

The love in my heart.
The passion beneath the gaze.

I know I'm learning.
I know I'm changing.
I know I'm being better.

You know I'm learning.
You know I'm changing.
You know I'm being better.

She said, "Only God knows I'm good."

I feel that. I understand that.

You know I'm good.
I know I'm good.

From this point, I'm moving forward.
I'm finished with what's in the past.
Although it affects my present, it has nothing to do with my future.

I refuse to let it affect my future because I'm willing to move on.