well
i've been trying to be a good kid all my life
and believe me
it brought me no good
so mark my words.
nobody gives a crap.
do whatever you want
because there is so much more
than just good or bad

we are all wearing black
this is the day before i die
hold in your tears now,
please don't cry

i ask for one last dance
and you say 'yes'
so we hold hands and twirl around,
you look so pretty in your black dress

we dance for hours
until i run out of time
when i fall to the floor
look up, the stars are out; after all, it is nighttime

the stars mean nothing
when you aren't here.

don't cry
when i die.
crying over me
is just as useful
as crying over spilled milk.

if i was icarus
and the wax on my wings melted
i would have apologized to you
for splashing the ocean water on you

if you stabbed me
and i was dying
i would have apologized to you
for getting blood on your shirt

if we fought
and didn't make up
i would have apologized to you
for saying sorry

well,
i'm sorry.
sorry.

i still remember
             our playground
where we played together, at
              our playground
the place we loved,
               our playground
where we could be friends,
                our playground
without anybody watching,
                our playground
man... i sure do miss
               our playground
being friends

why do i keep looking for love
in places with none at all

sometimes,
late at night,
memories drizzle from our eyes
and roll down our cheeks.
unable to forget
no matter how much it hurts

Forget
Olvidar
Oublier
Vergessen
Dimenticare
Vergeten
Esquecer
Un­utmak
Zapomnieć
Glömma
Unohtaa
Glemme
Lupa
Pozabiti
Zaboraviti
El­felejteni
Uita
Pamiršti
Aizmirst
Glemme
Forglemme
Kuliwa
many languages later
And I still can’t forget

you remind me of so many things
fresh rain on gravel
flowers in the summer and spring
the stars at dawn
happiness
joy
love
because
they were all
gone too soon.
i miss you
i miss you so much

giving up on this life, eating less food i'm going on strike. i hold the knife, i want to take my life. the cuts on my wrists don't hurt no more, but they start to when my mom opens the door. i **** in my stomach so that nobody sees, leave me alone, please. my heart has stopped pumping, stopped thumping, blood is clumping and i can't do this anymore. losing hope, i don't want to cope, wash my mouth with soap because i told you way too much. my teeth are rotting, my vision is spotting, no bunny is hopping and the world just isn't the same anymore. i don't trust you after you pushed me to the floor. but every single time, i come begging, begging for more, knocking on your door, asking your mom if you can play. i'm no longer welcome with my friends, i can't seem to follow the trends. i'm giving up, tbh.

i want to forget
the awful things that you did
but they keep repeating
repeating
repeating
in my head
so every night
i lay awake
letting your words repeat
repeat
repeat
in my head
forever
until the day i die

haha
i really hope that's gonna come soon

now
i have to remember you
for longer
than i even knew you.
but i know you will forget me
just like everyone else did.

i just want things to go back to normal

the best i can do is try
the time is ticking by
i'm trying not to cry
this is making me want to die
i say i'm fine but i know it's a lie
i hold back a sigh
"i'm just trying to help"
"you're not an ally",
i reply
i don't sit so people don't see my thighs
i try to keep my mouth shut, but open you pry
we are low on supply
so i guess i better retry
more knots i will tie
alcohol, i apply
to my cuts, while tears fall from my eyes
you aren't someone who which i can rely;
please, don't ruin my disguise

i'm a mess
i'm heartless
i'm a mess
i'm useless
i'm a mess
i am done with everyone
i'm a mess
y'all don't have to clean me up,
i promise
i'll be fine
i always am
haha
i'm a mess

i can't pick up the pieces
every time you break
i have my own
to retrieve from the floor

You don’t know what it's like
To try
And try
And try
With no results

You don’t know what it's like
To cry
And cry
And cry
Tears full of salt

You don’t know what it's like
To die
And die
And die
Every second you're alive

You don’t know what it's like
To lie
And lie
And lie
But nothing
Will ever
Ever
Ever
Get better.

"she said she was too busy"
she hates you. you should just back off.
"he said he doesn't have that many friends"
he wants you to be a better friend, you aren't there for him.
"they are tired"
i shouldn't have texted them that late, they probably hate me now and want me to leave-
"stop.
this isn't real
my brain is making **** up."
but what if i'm not...?
"oh..."

there once was a tailor
who lived in a place unknown
his place was small
but i guess, it was home

he sewed clothes
for people far and wide
with nothing but a thin needle
and fabric by his side.

his job wasn't easy
he worked and worked all day
and the money it made?
well, it barely paid.

but he loved what he did,
with his stitches and thread,
so every night he would lay down
and dream happily in his bed

one day
he got a strange request
he had to make a special robe-
a golden dress.

he tried to explain
this was more than he could do
that this is impossible
but she didn't believe him- so now, he's blue

he tried and tried
but it couldn't be done.
she wanted hundreds of stitches
but he could only do one.

he felt so awful
judging many times over three
so he hung himself
on a branch of the olive tree

the woman was mad
at the tailor
she called him lazy
called him as useless as a sailor

so in the end
nobody won
she didn't get her dress
and the tailor killed himself
because that task simply couldn't be done.

and now,
the olives that come from the tree
remind everyone of him-
and what couldn't be.

i am
f a l l i n g
through
s p a c e
i don't
t r u s t
you enough to
t e l l  y o u
any of my
p r o b l e m s
well,
s o r r y
i hope you understand

hahaha
bahaha
****
lol
whyyy
is what i say
but what i want to say
is this:
help me
i'm so alone
i just need a friend
i need help
please
no
everyone keeps leaving me
but i know
if i say any of that ****
you'll run away
just like they all did

eyes watch in the dark
paranoia; always there
heart stops with each glance

i just want to be
a normal human being
is that too much to ask?

why can't i just be
a normal human being
like everyone else

i sure wish i was
a normal human being
but i never will be

patty cake
patty cake
baker's man
in the broken mirror
i slap my own hands
blood trickles down
from my skin
please
let me in
patty cake
patty cake
baker's man
please
be my friend
while you still can

back in the days
where it all began
in the land
where the little children ran
a religion rose
we will now stand tall
Judaism
one god
one god for all

i wonder
what you ever did
with all of the friendship bracelets
we had
i still wear them
it hurts too much to take them off

i wonder
if you still remember our secret handshake
that we made up
in the 2nd grade
and kept using
for years
i still practice it
with my tear-stained reflection
in the broken mirror

i wonder
if you still think about me
as often as i think about you
i keep going back
to our old, happy memories
the ones that you (probably) forgot
i sure hope not
because those are the memories
i can't get myself to throw away

i wonder
what you did
with all the pictures of me on your phone
did you delete them
or do you just keep them there
leaving them alone,
just like you did with the real me
i can't believe
that i managed
to cut your face out of a photo
a hole of emptiness-
resembling the one in my soul

i really miss you
but friends grow apart, i guess

running a mile
running out of ideas for poetry
running my mouth
running out of time
running out of excuses
running out of hope
running out of sanity
well. i got the writers block
yet again

a kingdom split; the people torn
Rehoboam's rule; a northern scorn
ten tribes north, two tribes south
a corrupt ruler, spit foaming at the mouth

the people's trust
lost in the air
this system
is less than fair

but in the dark
we will fight
we will get what we deserve.
rights.

independent
all alone
in this country
we call home

alone
but not lonely
peaceful
... if only

through true struggles and true strife
the awful people take our lives
from rocky peaks to desert sands
a trustworthy hope; a nation's plan

we will make it

a six day war
fight for our lives
form our hives
pray for our wives

a six day war
get our land
let our boots sink in sand
and reach for
that savior of a hand

a six day war
lose our hope
try to cope
we
will
win
the
war

i have to make a choice.
either spend
thirty hours a week
spewing my problems to a stranger
aka therapy,
or live
in a mental hospital.
its been a really long day .

i want to
c r y
but i am in a crowded room

i hold back
t e a r s
but they fall anyway

now i am
a l l  a l o n e
but i cant get the tears to come out

i want to
c r y
but i cant
not at all

count the seconds
because every moment counts
you might lose a friend
make one instead
or maybe even fall in love

My heart
Is a silly little thing.
It pumps and pumps
But the moment I see you
It stops

My heart
Is a silly little thing.
It fights my brain-
Logic vs emotion-
But it almost always wins

My heart
Is a silly little thing.
It's gotten stabbed so many times
That now
It barely even stings

My heart
Is a silly little thing.
It leaps to my throat
Sinks to my stomach-
It seems to be more active than me..

My heart
Is a silly little thing.
It somehow has a mind of its own.
It's a child, my brain is grown-
So now I have no idea what to think

My heart,
It a very silly thing, isnt it?

i feel alone
in your hugs
your arms cold
your soul
your skin
your heart
cold
your touch
is like a snowflake
delicate
but cold
so
so
cold.

Don't leave me all alone, don't drag me
Over the coals
No way i will let you die
To just sit there, plan gone awry

Leaves fall. you left me.
Ever will i feel happy again?
And you didn't even say goodbye
Vacuum ****** up everything i loved
Even to your friend.

bombs
rain hopelessly from the sky
blood
forms pools around our best friends
pain
is all we can feel
so, we send them bombs back.

i want to sleep
because it's the closest i can be
to being dead
without leaving
all of my friends
alone.
but i can't sleep
scary thoughts
keeping me awake
telling me
i'm being watched.
morning
*****.
eye bags
the size of oranges
fingers
sore and slow at typing
eyelids
heavy
like boulders
legs
weak
and useless
but here i am
at school
needing sleep
and dreading the next day
knowing full well
it will be the same as today.

Spiders crawl up my back
                                               And they bite
Just when I thought my problems
                                             Were out of sight
I sit in an empty room
                                       With no light

And I must ask...
How endless...
Is the night?

Why
Why can't I be friends with someone
Without people assuming i have a crush

Me
Without you

Is like the moon
Without the night

The fish
Without the ocean

The sun
Without the sky

Tom
Without jerry

Peanut butter
Without jelly

Don't leave, please

I'm not going
To hide my story
Anymore
My name
Is none of your business
My age
Is also none of your business
But here goes

I have been bullied
Since kindergarten
But last year
It was awful
It started normal
Just light things
About my clothes
Hair
Or **** like that
But then
It got worse

First
I told my friend
That I got diagnosed with ADHD
and I have no idea how
But it spread around
And they used that against me
The called me a r*****
They made fun of me

Second
I got diagnosed
With depression and anxiety
And same thing happened
It spread around
They mocked me
I would get panic attacks
I couldn't breathe
And they would mimic me
Surrounding me

Third
They made fun of my weight
They called me skinny
Picked me up
Without consent
And called me tiny
So i started eating more
I overate in order to gain weight
Hoping they would leave me alone
But they didnt
They noticed
And called me fat
And that's where things started going down quicker

I starved myself
I would go days without eating
I sometimes still do
I made myself throw up
I sometimes still do
And guess what
They noticed.
They made fun of me

Fourth
My addictions got worse
I started cutting myself
Every day
And guess what!!
They ******* noticed!
They made fun of me
Probably not even knowing
What they were
Then
I became more suicidal
Than before
I attempted
Multiple times

Fifth
My parents found out
I got sent to the hospital
Got sent to a therapist
And I realized
If I hadnt lied to the doctors
I would have been sent to a mental hospital

Sixth
My parents obsessed over my eating disorder
They forced me to eat
When i couldnt
Because now
I am too afraid to eat
Because I'm scared
That the bullies will come back again
Whenever im near food
I hear their voices
Taunting me
Laughing at me

And throughout this whole experience
(In nothing but a year and a half, i might add)
I had a toxic friends
Who hurt me
Never had anything kind to say
And now
I dont know why
But we are still "friends".

So
Thats my story
I know most people here probably dont care, but there you go
The cat is out of the bag

Even now
I remember the sound of their laughter
The awful noise
And how it hurt as much
As a slap in the chest
How their verbal claws
Dug deeper and deeper
Into my skin and soul
"You're worthless"
"R*****"
"Fat ***"
I bet you forgot
That you even said those things to me
But I hope you know
They keep repeating in my head
Every
Single
*******
Day

bicchiere
è una cosa strana
se fa troppo caldo
si scioglierà
ma se lo lasci cadere
si romperà in un milione di pezzi
proprio come il mio cuore
quando hai detto
"non dovremmo più essere amici,
sei semplicemente un peccato.".
il mio cuore è caduto
e distrutto
è diventato acuto
arrabbiato
triste
amaro
confuso
depresso
nervoso
psicotico
­vetro
è una cosa molto strana
ma lo capisco
forse un po' troppo

humans love
to put labels on things
for example

someone is sad
they are emo

someone is mentally ill
they are crazy

someone is smart
they are a nerd

someone is strong
they are a ****

someone is small
they are too weak

someone is big
they are too fat

someone is traumatized
"they are just being dramatic"

labels
they really do hurt

glass
is a weird thing
if it gets too hot
it'll melt
but if you drop it
it'll break into a million pieces
just like my heart
when you said
"we shouldn't be friends anymore,
you are just too much of a ******.".
my heart fell
and shattered
became sharp
angry
sad
bitter
confused
depressed
nervous
psychotic
glass­
is a very weird thing
but i understand it
maybe a little too much

innocence
from when i was young
trusting
mentally stable
and what some queers may call
"an egg".

innocence
from before we were friends
when i was treated right
kindly
and what some may call
"not like ****".

innocence
from when things felt real
all the time
i could hear things right
i could see
no confusion
or as some may call it
"i wasn't insane".

i miss my innocence
because now
i need it more than ever

i dont know
if im going through a depressive episode
a suicidal episode
a dissociative episode
a derealization episode
a depersonalization episode
a psychotic episode
a sociopathic episode
or something else
but something is definitely wrong

My grandma thinks I'm a tomboy
Her words, not mine
My ex best friend thinks I'm a liar
Her words, not mine
My mom thinks I'm a faker
Her words, not mine
One of my bullies thinks I'm a fat pig
Her words, not mine
My "friend" thinks I'm annoying
Her words, not mine
My sister thinks I'm an *******
Her words, not mine

Man... the women in my life aren't the best, are they?

the thing about self harm
is that a lot of the time
it isn't a choice
because it's an addiction
a habit
a coping strategy
so next time you see someone
with cuts on their arms
take it from someone who was (and still am) bullied.
ask them if they are okay
don't judge like the others did
be their friend
and help them
because
as an addict myself
i can confirm
we need help
but we don't want it
we want to get better
but we don't
and i don't speak for everyone
but this is how i see it
it's not always a choice
not a decision
but a habit
and trust me
old habits die hard