You, honey
You are so beautiful.
You are the one I want to be with forever
You,
You are so stunning.
Call me insane,
But I want to give you my life.
The way you are.
With me.
The way you look
At me.
I can't control myself.
I feel my heart thump.
It keeps going.
I cannot work up the nerve to say something.
I'm too scared you'll leave me.
And thats the point.
I'm scared
I'm scared that if I ask again
You will introduce me to hell.
I want you so bad.
But I know you will never love me.
I want to hold you,
To show you that I'm different
different
I swear.
I want you.
You don't understand.
I think about you every **** day.
Everyday I think about what we could be.
Am I a creep for that?
All these ambitions,
All these feelings
Cooped up inside this body I call my own.
I want to kiss you.
So so bad.
I want to feel what perfection feels like against my lips.
That is who you are.
Perfection.
I know you don't think so.
But no one thinks of themselves as perfect.
That's the beauty of others telling you that you are.
It lifts you.
And that's what I want to do.
I want you to feel beautiful,
Because you are
Describing you is impossible.
Yet I try so hard.
Can you see I'm struggling?
Honey,
I love you.
You will never know.
I wish I could tell you
I have.
Here.
Tonight.
This is it.
I love you
I,
Love
You.
So
God
****
Much
Do you love me?
How could you?
I'm me, right?
I am not worth your kiss.
But I still strive to meet your expectations.
**** for getting so close.
I wish,
My one wish
Is to have you
forever
Am I too much?
Has this gone too far?
I'm so afraid
But
Honey,
This is all I know how to do.

Dear community, I have lied to you.
I lie to you when I tell you that I’m okay.
I lie to you when I tell you that I’ve had a good weekend.
Dear community.
Maybe I felt that I owed you a happy face.
Or maybe I thought I owed you a simple laugh.
Maybe I wanted to be like everyone else and fit in like the last piece of a puzzle
Maybe I wanted to blend in, so I kept my true thoughts under a muzzle.
Dear community.
I wish I could tell you why.
But the truth is, I’m an average guy.
Maybe that’s not what you see.
Maybe it is.
But with every word I speak, I die.
The worst thing…the worst part of it all is hearing the voices.
They talk with a quiver, shouting at me.
They yell: Insults and lies as they dish out torture.
I wish I could tell you that the house I live in is not my home,
But I’ve grown to welcome the pain for it suits me well.
With every fist, every tear, comes a new revolution
Spurring up like a fairy tale
With no happy ending.
the sheath of fate.
The sword of pain
They hurt me like a gun shot wound to the chest.
Well my dear community, I wish you the best.
But as we all know, suicide is not the answer.
See, I’ve been inside a dark place for many years.
I know what its like to be truly afraid.
I know what its like
To be in a place that feels so ugly, so shifted.
I know what it feels like to say, “wanna see a magic trick? Watch me disappear!”
But I cant. And the reason is her.
She keeps me safe.
Her love provides a boat when I’m drowning.
She makes the light when I’m in the dark.
I love her MORE than life itself.
She keeps me alive.
But the other reason is my future.
I don’t wanna think about the things I might never see.
But once the fog clears I see the reasons to live.
Life is a powerful word.
It brings so much.
And if you’re anything like me,
You can’t stop crying.
But, child, pick up your face.
Bring yourself to feel again.
There is a light.
I promise.
I found that light.
Now all I have to do is reach it.
I will grasp it with all my heart.
With all of my soul!
I promise things get better.
So dear community.
I really should be thanking you.
Each and every one of you.
I want you to know how you saved me.
I want you to know how every smile I’ve seen here gave me hope.
What I am really trying to say is,
Dear community, thank you.

the price of life
love
and it hurts
*alot

Concentration
(clap clap clap)
64
(clap clap clap)
no repeats
(clap clap clap)
or hesitation.  

What if I hesitate,
to concentrate
and what if I hesitate
to love
to live
*to breathe

you say I'm emo
just because I wear black a lot.
You say I am a queer
because I give my best friend a hug, and he just happens to be a guy.
You think I cut
just because I have scars on my wrist.
Truth is,
none of the stuff you say is true.
See, emo has become a fad.
Everyone wants to have attention.
But us "real emos" will tell you that its no fun.
I can't...we can't control when we are happy and sad,
glad and mad.
Its a ****** feeling.
I do not wear black because I worship Satan,
I wear black because it fits me
I do not wear my band shirts to be cool,
I wear them because they represent who I am.
I do not listen to rock music because I have problems,
I listen to it because the screaming helps my blood flow.
I don't expect you to know what it's like to truly be
emo
The only time you say that word,
the only time you say us
is when you make fun of us.
My hair is not long just to cover my face,
my hair is long because I like it that way.
You expect us to be like you,
but yet you rob us of our happienes.
Well,
who the **** are you to call me emo?
huh?
What do you truly know about depression.
Because your idea of depression is when you get grounded,
and my idea of depression is when I hold a blade to my neck.
You think depression is just tears,
but nope.
Its painful,
draining,
almost numbing.
This isn't even the start.
Do not call me emo,
because of what you think
because you will never know me
I won't let you get to know me
because I don't want that pain.
You are a ******,
and one of the reasons why
*I'm emo

I have come undone.
My body like bandages,
a mummy roaming the earth.
I thought I was doing good
I'm fine type of thing.
I have not admitted
that I am not okay
Theres so much that I have on my plate right now.
deadlines
love
abiding
accusing
ranting
I have been in the biggest swirl of my life,
like an ice cream machine
but not so sweet
Dad is angry all the time.
Mom is tired all the time.
My sister is ****-talking all the time.
And I?
I am being depressing all the time.
No body told me life was supposed to be easy,
guess I was assuming again
My life is screeching to a halt.
I want to take a time out,
to let myself breathe
but with my life,
breaks don't exist
I want this pain to cease.
I want to seal this dilemma with a crease.
But it ain't that easy
See I walk into school
To come home
and repeat.
I expect something new to happen.
But I don't get the feeling.
****
I feel undone.
I force myself to read my life like it's a book.
But the truth is, I don't see an end anytime soon.
This novel just keeps on going
and going
and going
and going
when will it stop?
I feel undone.
I admit it.
I thought I was strong enough to handle this,
but in the midst of it all,
I now realize
*I have come undone

T,
I want you to know.
and I don't want to be mean
but,
I want you to know.
I don't want you anymore.
Time after time I tried.
And thats the thing
I was the only one trying.
I tried to carry the relationship,
but you knew what else was happening at home.
T,
I don't think its right
the way you've been treating me.
You don't even look at me,
as if I did something wrong.
T,
I did love you
I loved you.
But notice the "ed"
Every part of me has let go.
You are not a bad person,
but the fact is
why, if you don't like me
are you following me?
Trying to see
what I'm doing.
Every day.
You act like nothing ever happened.
But sorry to tell you dear,
something happened
What did you think I was?
I could tell you what I think...
but this isn't about me,
its for you, T.
Please, just stop.
Everything.
Seriously T.
I don't want you anymore.
This is my goodbye,
*goodbye

I miss you,
but I have too much pride to say it to your face,
so I'll say it to your back
this paper
any ******* person who gets me talking about you.

**** do I miss you