I now close this door,
like a chapter marked
by dead ends
and trial and error.

Now, stepping ahead,
I open a door unknown.

My heart is so heavy i can hardly breathe, just weighted down by the loss of things i haven’t had time to grieve.
Keep moving forward whatever you do don’t stop . Tuck this in, don’t think about that, juggle don’t drop.
Ignore the pain,  just cover and cloak, tell yourself a lie. With the truth you wont be able to cope.
Too much too much and then theres more.  More days than not just breathing is a chore.
In a world of brokenness and regret there seems to be so little compassion or respect.
Carrying more than i ever let show trying hard to learn to let go.
Don’t want  to be a burden, but i need a soft place to fall. Not asking for pity but answer my call.
Hope is fading and i am drowning, but i love you i am here keeps resounding.
Out of your own pain you hold me in mine, through your own darkness a light you shine.
Though you struggle you wont  leave me to drown. With love and a smile you straighten my crown.
Without these women where would i be? I have no words for what you mean to me.

Pain in waves...
Lost inside...
Nowhere to turn to.
Nowhere to hide.
Desperate to make things better,
Unsure about how.
Where do i start?
What do i do now?
Children are a blessing,
But apparently i am doing it all wrong!
So much keeps coming....
And i am just not that strong!
Losing the fight to an ache that overtakes me.
I know the Lord provides.....
But right now i just cant see.

Am I annoying?
Too loud?
It feels like
I'm friends with shadows

Wondering why
No one replies
No one makes plans with me

Who'd want to be
With someone
Who's quiet one moment
And annoying the other?

Left out
Alone
Hurting

But I wouldn't want
To be a burden
So I **** it up
Stay quiet

it's true 6.29.25 (10:10 am / 10:10)
its true very true
you never miss someone as much as you do
when they are
gone

I love you.
I truly do.
For all I've put you through and made you ask "Do you even love me? Do you??"
I'm sorry.
I love you so much.
So much to the point where I'd rather not tell you how I feel because I know that it would break you.
I can't show you the things that I go through.
The demons I face.
The never ending race.
The situations that make my heart beat race.
Because I truly love you.

You and me alone
Madness of world locked away
Peace and quiet reigns

I know you're looking at me,
but you don't see me
wanting me in the moment,
but not to stay,

this wound on my skin, it aches. . .

exposed, my naked soul
telling you, dress me
we jump without direction,
just tell me when, don't tell me no

unkept promises, plans we didn't make. . .
I know there is no destination,
no road trips, no airports that suit us,
this wound is walking alone, with me, chasing you. .

I want to dance with luck,
and for it to tell me that you see me,
that you're coming back.
But its already stepping on my toes,
always a mistake from getting it right, failing you, failing me.

We know its wrong, but we always insist, on returning.
Knowing that everything breaks, everything aches,
telling you to sew me, back together,
just tell me, if you love me, how much? Because I'm losing strength.
you say you're doing this for us, but its just for you, and that's okay.
I tie myself up, in these memories. .  

We all have that person that tore us into a million pieces. . .
that makes us "rebuild ourselves" alone,
I want to be able to breath, I know I have to,
I want to change my mood, I long, I want to learn to love again. .

I know you look at me, but don't see me,
because if you did, you would not break me,
I prefer a wound on my skin, a cut on my arm, death,
for I say tomorrow ill be fine,
but I cant forget,
doubts keep killing me,
my soul is naked and exposed, it shows on my face
it begs dress me, dress me, dress me,
love me. .
I'm sorry