thin pink lips
and dark brown eyes
strong back
and strong features

i want your arms
wrapped around me
i want your heart
to be all mine

sweet words
and loving gazes
heart felt letters
and random gifts

i want your love
and your loving shares
i want your heart
to be all mine

Misty air,
Hushed laughter,
Adrenaline rushing.

That night,
I realized who I wanted to be;
What made me happy.

Silenced chime,
Creaky door handle,
His shadow.

I ran,
I ran as fast as my feet would allow on the mushy ground.
I ran from the haunting life.

She stayed close,
Ran with me.
She ran with me,
Away from my life.

Soon enough,
He caught up.
Our source of freedom,
He came from behind.

Wet feeting smacking the road,
We walked to his old red pick-up.
My first time seeing freedom.

My first time,
Doing what I wanted.

No one could control me,
Not even my parents.
No,
I didn't allow it.
I didn't allow their leash to hold me from what I wanted.

Starting engine,
I realized who I wanted to be.
I realized who I was.

I wasn't their innocent little girl.
I couldn't be what they wanted.
I couldn't do what they wanted.

I realized,
I was an adrenaline ******,
A free-spirited girl,
Reckless.

I couldn't be,
The quiet,
Self-less,
Innocent girl.

So that night,
I allowed him to take me away.
Take away my leash,
The invisible force holding me back.

That night,
I became who I wanted to be.

“I keep telling myself maybe we were too young, like meeting at 15 years old wasn’t old enough for you to keep me around. I guess we both had a lot of living left to do like new people to meet, other people to ‘love’ and new places to see. But as the days turn into months and months will eventually turn into years do you go looking for me in others, do you do things that we used to do, just so i cross your mind on purpose? When you are 18 and realize you can make your own decisions, without your high school friends that you don’t see anymore or when your parents finally get off your back, will you look me up on some social media site and realize I look different like my hair is shorter and I dyed it blonde, will you look at my smile and realize I don’t smile the way I used to smile when we were young and in love, will you notice little changes that only you and I would notice? Do you ever think of your future and hope somehow someday we will meet again, the same way we met that first time when we were both 15 and never felt love like this before… I know for sure that days turned into months and even when they turn into years my love for you will never die, until I do. But even when I’m six feet under your voice will still remain in my ears and your touch is all my skin will feel and your face is all my eyes will see, but at least I won’t be able to feel the aching pain in my heart every time I hear your name or when someone asks me about my first love.”

have your heart given back to you
shattered and bruised multiple times
then come and ask why im so bitter

and since forever
i thought i was actually going to be okay
i actually thought i had gotten over you

but then i heard my name escape your lips
and your eyes follow the shape of my body
and everything that i felt the minute before
crumbled to the floor
and i was back in this misery

my slurred words that night
were not let out for your lust
when i said no
teasing was not my intention
i was not asking for more

my mind hazy
and left contemplating
but the alcohol in my veins
would not let out more than a no
my limbs were weak
and you had full control on me

the night went on
and i finally gave in, gave up
your persistence was not fading
and time was not letting me leave

the weight of your body atop of mine
my eyes closed
i wanted to be somewhere else
with every trace your fingers left
i knew i'd scrub that part for a countless number of minutes after

my mind sober enough to know that
this would all be over soon
also sober enough to bash myself
mad for being a tease
or even tempting him

how could i be so dumb
showing so much skin
with my outfit or the way i spoke
how could i not have expected to be touched

do you get lost in my curls
big and dark, confusing
do you trace the lines of my lips
my light shade of pink
do i take your breath away
when words curl out of my mouth
speaking poetry and not even
knowing it
am i the kind of girl you would
stop on the street to compliment
am i beautiful?

as we grow throughout life
we see through many eyes
from the oblivious to the wise

we learn to see through the lies
and learn that nothing is forever
no words can keep things together
we learn that people will say things
and not mean it
that pinkies don't always keep promises

through our eyes we see
the evil in others
the deceiving
we see our worlds being torn apart
right under our shoes
we see others tearing us apart
ripping our souls to shreds
for no reason

we will see some beauty
of the stars in the night
the beauty in a person showing
kindness and love
we will see the beauty
in people's words


we will feel the warmth of somes love
and the hatred of others
the lust of our lovers
the connection of our sisters

through our bodies we will learn
throughout time
that nothing stays the same
and that soon enough
everything will change
but we must learn

you're blood
but i feel like our love
has turned into lost water

we don't talk as much
but today we did
i got you for a whole hour

your face upon my screen
i don't think i realized how much i have missed you
i didn't realize how much i missed our laughs
until you had to go
and my throat swelled
my eyes watered
choked up a goodbye

screen shut
and the tears wouldn't stop coming
hands shaking
how could i let you slip away

i found a loophole
from the promise you
made me make

what is supposed to be
beautiful and full of joy
will only tear me apart

life starts for one
forming inside her
and i cannot think of
anything else except
her life ending
along with what left
we have

our lips met
mine taken by surprise
The Killers playing background
while you slowly reached up my shirt

"It started out with a kiss, how did it end up like this..."

from lips meeting
to your tongue running down my neck
down to my chest
pushed me down and held my face
breath shortening and moans escaping while your hands worked your way to my body

pushing you up
and straddling down on you
I've never been so close to someone
our bodies hot and drenched in sweat
it may be cold outside but I'm hot for you

with my
messy hair
and your
tshirt
on me
and not
on you
i remember
that we had
the greatest
night
ever known

blank walls
and empty thoughts
the shadow falling in the back

no one knows who she is
anymore
and they can't ask
because she doesn't know
who she is anymore either

here the
cold comes
with
dark days
and
heartbreak

she drank too much
couldnt even walk
eyes blurred
but she managed to
make her way
down to the fence
broken down
like all their memories
touched waters
and her blood ran cold

i handled you leaving better than i thought i would
but it's been a month
and im getting bad again
you're not here
and i know it wasn't fully your choice
but i miss you
i see your face and i choke up
you're hundreds of miles away
and i need you to come home

“All my friends tell me how toxic the memory of you is. I know it’s toxic, I drink to forget you. My liver has given up on me and I still can’t stop drinking, because for the time that i’m feeling the burn of the ***** down my throat I can’t feel the pain of my broken heart.”

you're asleep
and i think
im finally
coming to
realize how
much i
actually like
you.