Destiny Fleming

Destiny Fleming Nov 2015

I don't belong in his world
nor he in mine

The tidal waves that
push against us are beginning
to drown me

I've tried so hard to
remember how to swim

But my lungs can only
hold their life for so
long
before the promise
of breathing easier becomes
a reality

He stands in front of me
watching the water torment
my body

He could reach out and save
me

But he watches as our
worlds break apart
without even a backward
glance

Maybe he meant more
to me than I to him

I wish I would have
knew that before I
took him in as
mine to mend

-*DDF

#heartbreak #poem #sad #depression #sadness #break #heartache

Destiny Fleming Nov 2015

Warfare

To the girl who loves my brother,*

When you look at him, see his wide
eyes as not an invitation, but as an endless
cavern of innocence.
Look at my brother with respect,
as he survived his entire life growing up
with women.
Yes, he was taken in because his parents
no longer wanted the burden of a child
who was believed to be a mistake.
Look at my brother with pride,
because every night he heard me cry,
he whispered into the shadows,
“Are you okay?” To which my
reply was always, “I'm fine. Just sick.”
He listened to me blast my ears with
music to block out the world, and *******
it, he would pull one out just to say:
“Hey, you're going to lose your hearing.”
which was his way of saying,
“I'm worried about you.”
Don't you hurt my brother, as I've said
before, he was raised by she-wolves who
not only built a home, but arose from
nothing.
My brother was a burden I did not want
to bear growing up.
Now, I see his eyes are filled with
life, and his voice is deeper than an abyss.
My little brother who is not so little
anymore.
My little brother who I completely
destroyed when I told a whole bus filled
with kids: “He's adopted.”
I regretted it as his eyes clouded over, and
at such a young age, he knew this was a
bad thing.
Love my little brother for his quirky
comments, love him because I didn't
love him enough.
Love him on his weakest days,
love him when he's crying into
your pillows.
Love him because as I paved a path
for him to follow, he got himself
lost in the woods.
Lead him back to me, please.
Love my little brother as he was denied
this.
-DDF

(I don't usually write about my life or anything... I gave it a shot )

#love #darkness #poems #respect #siblings #rivalry

Destiny Fleming Nov 2015

Black Out

I remember the innocence of my childhood
happiness.

It was before bracelets were used
for more than just fashion…
before they were used to hide jagged cuts

The days when I only cried for my
scraped skin.

Now I cry for heartbreak and the loss
of more than just happiness.

The days where pills were only taken
to make “the hurt go away”.

Now they’re taken to make me go away.

The days where Root Beer was the only
“alcohol” I drank.

Now I drink shots of hopelessness
in small glasses of heartbreak

The days where the only kisses I asked for
were before I drifted off to sleep.

Now I beg for kisses in midnight hours
where the only love I receive is the kind
where the sheets are terrorized.

The days where candied cigarettes were my
way of being an adult.

Now cigarettes are the way of keeping
me sane.

“Look, mommy, look. I’ve grew
an inch!”

Now I’m growing without you.

Gone are the days where I felt your kisses
planted upon wet cheeks,
The days where I beg for your love, mommy.

I beg for love in the form of moaning,
bed springs creaking;
where sweat caked into my pores.

The days where my life meant something to
someone.

If I died now, who would cry for me?

The days where happiness grew on trees,
and you showed me how to grasp them with
dirt-covered palms.

Look, mommy. I’ve grew an inch.

An inch closer to the bullet
awaiting in it’s home.

-DDF

#suicide #poem #poet #depression #poems #unhappy #writers #writer #teenage

Destiny Fleming Nov 2015

Descent

Is it possible for me to love
someone when I can't
seem to grasp the
concept of loving myself?

But you.
Oh, you.
You make me wanna
love myself;
love every
curve of my bones
every scar
every raised mark.

You make me beautiful.
So beautiful.

But it's not enough for me.

I shed old dreams in the form
of traveling lies
pouring into a porcelain bowl.

I see bones carve themselves
from the shell of skin
that claimed itself as mine.

The eyes pry at my demise;
However, I cannot hide.
Believe me, I've tried.

I just want to be what
you want.
What you need.

Unrelenting midnight hours
have pushed me to empty
more lies than normal,
All I see is what you ask
of me.
My stomach is a cemetery
for you;
No matter how many times
I greet your casket;
you find your way home.

I just hope I find a way
to tell you…
This house is not a home. -DDF

#suicide #depression #sadness #anorexia #upset

Destiny Fleming Nov 2015

I am a Man; Am I still Human?

I am a man.

Society has weighed itself
upon my shoulders.

I can do
no wrong.

The waters rush over my ears;
I can drown myself in alcohol
to make up for the horrid years.

A man; could I really have been
created by God’s hands?
I truly find this impossible;
Forgive me, Father,
for I have sinned.
I let desire win.

I loved a Her.
But in the end, a voice
equal to a cat’s purr
and skin like fur are what
plagued my stale nights.

Her.

This equaled out
to be an atomic bomb
in my ruined mind.

The philistine hands
pulled me from waters;
just to hold me back under again.

The eyes that had
traveled along my body

the fingertips tracing
every bone of my existence

the laughter dancing
in tune with my subdued one

Her.

Forgive me,
Father, for I have sinned.
I let her lust pull me in. -DDF

#depression #sadness #abuse #society #men

Nov 2015

Y Rada

I HAVE FEELINGS TOO

It is difficult to be a man,
For I am not a typical one.
It is hard for me to go on,
There’s a secret that pulls me.

I loathe when my memories strike,
They hit emotionally with might.
I struggle so much to survive,
In a world so deaf towards my cries.

I look at a He and my heart convulses,
For I recall a He who gave me kisses.
I was young, forced and naïve,
I fought but He was much stronger.

Society might tell that I’m gay,
For I let a man violated me in a way.
But I’m not a ***** and I’m sure,
I play a role for which others envy.

When I was a teen I met her,
I admired her even if she’s older.
I was then shy and very timid,
With mental and emotional scars.

I thought of her as a dear friend,
Then she turned to be my worst fiend.
One instance she forced herself on me,
And used things that hurt me so.

A girl’s tactics differ from the stronger ***,
Tears she used first and blackmail next.
She was cunning, sly and very clever,
She stole my pride and my dignity.

My fears now mixed with anger,
My determinations got bolder.
I still cry and sometimes get lonely,
Like any other victim I want to fight.

I can not shout to the whole nations,
For societies will scorn at my declamation.
Both sexes forgot that I have feelings too,
I am also made of flesh, bones and spirit.

I am not proud of what I become,
Within me clouding reasons try to calm.
My desire is to win this battle to the end,
I am capable of vulnerability like any human.

But where does my right begin?
This universe has compassion for women.
The likes of me are expected to be steel made,
Yet I have feelings too for I am just a man.

Dedicated to all abused males by other men and to the men abused by females. A simple shout out to the world that I care…that I have heard your cries… and that you are still loved.

#anger #hurt #secret #grief #confusion #abused #sexualabuse #unfairness #malerape #maleabuse