Sometimes i pull my blanket a little closer to my chin, it soaks up the chilly air that seeps through those open pockets.
Sometimes i read just a little longer, i know it annoys her but she understands or somehow lets it go.
Sometimes i wake her up when I can't sleep, her sleepy voice calms me down, reassures my demons to stand down.
Sometimes i wish she were home, for i have come up with a silly joke, but there is no one on the other end of this voice.
The times she's here i wish she were away, for i need my space but i need to miss her more. I know you left just yesterday, but for some reason today, your blanket is still the mess you left it, my towel you stole still smells of your shampoo and my wardrobe is still a mess from you surfing through it.
I'm always surrounded by a mess.
But sometimes i wish, it would be yours on the bed instead of mine in my head.

In the slew of this trance
Railing across the nights
In shining armor of horror,

Light, something comical, guides me.

          I forgot how to write.
     I have no purpose.

a separation of tied limbs by
Wiley Scientist’s
Churning, clenching, wincing
Smile
Burn into my lobe.
Submission to anxiety.



Liberate my shackled mind
From the screeches of Armageddon,
Residing in the Nine Rings of rajas,
The most fruit bearing peninsula of
Illusions.

Tearing through the center of
My pinwheel of paralyzing
Hypnosis,


      Something reached beyond depths for me.

It, somewhat, portrayed itself,


As Light.

I have a heart...
u can say .green heart...
I have a brain...
u can say ..green brain...
I have a mind...
u can say...green mind...
but...
I have many other things....
which is not green...
I am deconstructed....
I have Sattva, Rajas and Tamas...
which is White, Red and sometimes Black...
but
my thoughts are always Green...

The golden rule never gives change.
And gamblers only drink champagne
Losers can’t afford it
Don’t play poker with medicine men
Doc Holliday's a sore loser
It goes with his obsession
He's a dentist by learning
A gambler by profession
An' a renaissance assassin
A Medici Faustian bargain
Playing the green baize table
Where ten’s the changing sign
The alchemist’s calling card
The card of transformation
A card of changing of beds
And a change of friends
They could even be enemies
Fortune changes for the worse
An’ losing is a winning gamble
When hands like feet change direction
Losing yourself is the smart play
Sooner’s so much better than later
In time the world loves a loser
But gamblers hate a debtor
I.O U’s don’t spell for less than A an’ E
They’re just vowels without provenance
Gambling cashes in on culture
Money is the 'lingua franca'
Of a very deadly silent economy
No really one talks about it
An’ you can’t keep your eyes off it
But sure as hell everyone
Listens to the silence
Ten’s the calling card of consequence
A very suitable number
In Fire Earth Air and Water
They can be quite soulfully pedestrian
You never know what’s in the elements
A good card to keep up your sleeve
But lose your shirt you lose everything
An’ it goes without saying a lot
Not a good card to be found naked with
Be careful with a nine in any colour
It’s the most deserving in the highest
Nines, sleeves and gambling
Are a triple tray of troubles
Heads have been known to be served
On a tray of trays
Nines can be very Trinitarian
And quite John the Baptist
A good card to lose in haste
But eternal if a friend,
There’s none better
Eights go on forever
The Via Dolorosa of numbers
They are a sacred journey
Only the compassionately beautiful
Gamble with an eight in their hands
Eight is a sacred mystery
In any suit it is never cut
And always woven
From a seamless gambled-for cloth
Eight never gambles in suits
Only in garments
Never gamble with an eight
Unless you’re gambling with redemption
Hand life and soul have been
Eternally lost or found on an eight
Truly a gamblers card
And sometimes a calling card
As every gambler knows
A card of consequence and karma
When it calls keep your eyes on the dealer
Sure as hell a deal's been done
An’ all the blue eyes are on you
Sevens like fives are a journey
Good cards for travellers
Wanderers and shape shifters
Seven seas and five continents
Suits those wandering souls among us
Two solitary prime numbers
Indivisible onto themselves
They can be quite pedestrian
Fives can be over confident over land
But they shouldn't try to be seven
Walking on water's a mistake
Unless you’re an avatar
Treading wine is better and safer
Fives and sevens are a journey
Good cards to keep in your shoes
Sixes are sixes by themselves
An’ they don’t go with sevens
They're the card of reflection
A scriptural card if ever there was one
A card dressed in a triple mirror
Vanity and vexation in the curves
A card to turn and turn
And turn your eyes again
The number of this card
Another Trinitarian consequence
Is reflected in the mirror
An image of ourselves
The card has an identity problem
Don’t knock it, you might need it
It’s your friend in need of friend
An’ with friends like that
It's just as well that any three
From any four sixes
Is the sign of a winning hand
In a loser’s smile
And the best part of a full house
A card of Jezebels, angels
And mirrors, on reflection
Don’t you just love sixes
Five is five and let’s not talk about it
It’s an assassin’s calling card
It goes with its own territory
A card that doesn’t take prisoners
Fours are strangers at the door
Every one with a Matthew birth mark
In the image of John
Like four seasons they arrive
Like pilgrims then are gone
To change themselves to be
The same again, another season
Another fall of leaving calls
A card for all weathers
And shelter in a storm
You are kind of pleased to see it
But you don’t know why
Also cards of mystery and obviousness
And only fools an’ fours
Can tell the difference
It’s the ‘maybe’ card
You never really know with fours
The proverbial knocking at your doors
But sure as hell
They’ll never ring a bell
A tidy card to send to acrobats
And other kinds of well-balanced people
That’s what fours are for
Commitments tailored to your needs
And the occasional highly wired friend
Don’t go out without them
You never know if you might need them
Threes are trinities and divinities
Fathers Sons an’ Holy Ghosts
And more usually the cause
Of a quick divorce
The world moves in threes
Sattwas Rajas and Tamas
The triune dance of the universe
Light, Action and Inertia
It even grows on trees
Every one’s a traveller
Some are even gypsies
A good card to keep in your shoes
They can be an invitation
Or a visitor from a distant place
They're the taxi cards of the pack
Call them when you wanna go
Somewhere, they'll arrive
They're the calling cards of falling friends
You'll never be lonely on journey
Of five and sevens with a three
They’re the crucifixion card
Unless it suits you otherwise
To be so amused
Deuces are twos, the mirror card
Duality’s their basic business
They really are a wolf card
Always travelling in packs
Not sufficient to be dangerous
An’ just enough to not be lonely
They really appreciate your company
It suits their reflective existence
To travel in togetherness
The faces are places searching for aces
Jacks in a pack never look back
If they can possibly look sideways
Concealing their knavish tendencies
They’re quite the well-tailored card
Fine raiment maketh a fool attractive
In very unfashionable circumstances
Treachery an’ deceit on each turning face
Sure as Clementine’s your long lost darling
An Ophelia never got her hand in time
A gambling Hamlet is a sight to see
Jealousy rage and a ferocious anger
Writ upon a countenance looking back
Beyond the cardboard eyes of the beholder
Dumb broads are never dumb
And seldom abroad
Sometimes they can be
A very home loving card
Two jokers live in every pack
One out front the other looks back
They’re the magpies in the deck
Less in sorrow than in joy
They cover every missing face
The hooded birds deserve their place
Their reputation precedes them
In black and white they are the night
In colours they’re magnificent sevens
And they’ve really got your number
In spades it suits their harlequin fashion
To be a veritable grave digging charmer
In jewels they ***** the precious deck
Two diamonds and they’re everybody’s
The vagrant royalty rules the roaming pack
Their world is another creature’s finery
Gamblers are such snazzy jazzy dressers
If you have to lose a shirt do it in style
Second hand clothes and second hand hands
Aren’t so much a misfortune more an affliction
Desperately seeking a lost occasion
Well-heeled fools engrave it on their heart
Better be dead in your gracious threads
Than kicking in rags of common comfort  
They’re the card that always looks back
The face in every hand smiling at you
Looking at them with cardboard eyes
Then there’s the precisely tailored box
The transient funeral parlour
In a good-looking box like that
You can die an’ dine anywhere
In reasonable style
If you’re tailed a toss head first
Into a losing situation
Cards never call they beckon
And if they speak it’s a good idea to listen.

You are everything. There isn't anywhere I can think
and imagine to go where you won't be.
Inescapable. Even when I imagine I've killed you,
I curse the name given to you. There I see you
in the profane words, in the rajas of violence.
Where can I go? What shape
can I take to hide from you?

I quiver on the edge of Love and Hate,
yearning with pain and in vain
for mercy forgot me and relief
is a distant mirage in an endless desert.

I grow to love the shiny polish
from grains of abrasive sand.
I wait through a coarse, dry world
for cool deluge transforming
in a blink everything from sand to sage,
and slowly back again.
Who can do this? Who
can harness a power
perceived in between
the friction of fire and air?

This is the perfect composer for Google.
A thin woman was used as a wet runner.
This is the man from Brazil. In the cells,
he plays with his friends, sons ******
and ***** Sisters and Sisters in the world.
When I sit down, I'm not sure why I'm drinking.
"If you're a double American pioneer duo,
if you're an American, you can use it,
the Google story, I'm not sure why I'm not sure
why, I'm not sure I'm not that small."                                       You're Google,
you'll be there   ******* and tanning kisses
fishing circus;                              The soul of the girl is destroyed American,
Dutch strollers,                                        billiards ***** and parents of swans.
The tower of land users               Let the brain,
the head ***** and the face **** with a girl,
a member of her ****, this is a great composer
from Google, the oral ******* gets her ***
for the first time in history,                              this guy is a Brazilian dream,
he plays with his friends in his rooms,
people and smart people, and the sister,
the ***** has been mistreated in many
ways, when I'm not sure why she was
sitting,       this is not a song for a small cable.
"Double American pioneering duet,
if you're looking at Google, you learn to walk.                                      
                     ­                                                                 ­    There is no escape.
Stay in it while the gang plays rajas.
Barbie Bag and Savonarola's Babe's
Bag Babe Bag.         In addition, other spices,        
the users of the land. This boy
is a Brazilian dream.    In the rooms he plays
with his friends. Trust and light,
girls and sisters.     When I sit down,  
I'm not sure why I drank it. "This is not a song,
the American avant-garde in Dover,
an employee of the hero William Day
on ****** Street,                a girl and her sister,
if you're Google,     you'll learn to go."
The Americans,            the front wall,
the crew of the parents of the
Baby Bag
and Savonarola's caravan.        In addition,
other spices, the users of the land.   
Leave your mind in the wallpaper.                                                       ­   
This is the perfect
composer for Google.              
This man is from Brazil.
The cellos play.                                                            ­                With your
                    friends,                                    ­                  children and sisters,   
 and light sisters when I sit down,
I'm not sure why I'm drinking,                                            but I'm singing.
                                                  "If you're a double American pioneer duo,
if you're Google,                           you can learn to work
with Vanguard Walls,                   wise beards and Sarah
Vaughn,                         as well as other spices and users
of the earth."                     This is a story about Google's
slim *******.
I'm sure why I went,                                                          
the American
                                             seller Doubled Up,              
William D. Dime Street, a little boy and his sister.                                    
If you're Google,
you'll learn how to get to Americans,                                
Dutch walkers, billiards and Syrian parents;                      
The composition of the tower,
the users of the earth;     Let's go with the brain;
This is a great composer of Google.                
Your back door is crushed;     The dream
of Brazil In the rooms he plays with his friends,
Poor and bright people, Girls and sisters,
When I'm sitting
I'm not sure why he was not singing double
American duo, avant-garde, author William
Day on ******
Street,           the hero of a girl
                                                and a sister.                  
If you're using Google,       you'll learn how
to get there. s, the front wall, The crew
of the Barbie's Bag and the parents of
Savonarola's van.                        In addition,
other spices, users of the land.    The gossip
of him; This boy is a dream of Brazil.
In the rooms she plays with her friends,
friends, friends. The person is a student
and bright. Girls and brothers,     When
I sit on the street, I **** the gossip,    I do not know
why I drink it. He also wanted to go:                                
"An open dialogue that tells people about the neck
that Google has won is not a song."
The American avant-garde of Dover,
employee of the hero of William
Day, ****** Street,      little ****
sister.     If you are Google, you will
learn how to go; Americans,
vanguard crew,  hijira *****
and her sister.     The parents
of the bags of Barbies and Savonarola.  
In addition,        other spices, the users
                           of the land.                                                      
     ­                   A former **** star that we ****
                        like a ***** and hit.                                    
                        Leave your mind to the villains....