These nights in bed
Where I am up much too late
Espiecally with such early class

But the stress of those classes-
No, the stress of the people
Make it a need to drown the demons

I can handle class
Flick of the wrist
Five minutes each.

People are much harder
I try to relate how I can
To my friends who I cling to

But I am not good at this.
Stumbling to bashful words
Nothing interesting on my mind but businesslike questions.

I want to say
"How do you feel today?"
But I often get the same **** answer.

"I'm good."
*******, we're teenagers.
Nothing's ever just 'good'.

Whenever I do come up with something
Ears are sewn closed
Mouths repeating 'mmhm' like a mantra.

And then there's the loneliness
Can I help it if I want a gentle hand,
And maybe a pretty face?

Forced relationships aren't my thing.
I've seen it and I'm seeing it
So I stray far from that.

Okay, maybe a few friends are okay.
Though who knows how long that'll last.
I'm pretty good at ******* those up.

So the stars watch me
And listen my crooning sobs
Sung out like an opera.

I hope and pray for better luck
And slowly it comes.
But for now, music stays my friend,
My bed my lover.

what the **** am i doing here anyymore?
i dont have hope
what would i even hope for
what i want
i can't get
and i wish i had someone to blame
someone
i wish i had someone to begin with
i am still young
i am still whole
i am still alive
but
i feel that its over
i feel that i could sleep
and not wake
and everything would still be the same
it brurns me
i would be lying if i said that i dont want to be remembred
i just would like to leave
with a lasting impression on this world
i just want to glow
without asking to be seen
i want to earn respect among my peers
but i lack a million qualities
i just want to not doubt all the friends i have
and have endless trust to a soul that is intact
i want to connect with my elders
so that theyd show me how (of the past and the future and present and how they grew and all of that **** cause ******* **** is interetsing theyve been alive for so long hence they know a lot!!)
i dont want to have kids of my own
im afraid ill pass (a generation of useless entities in this life and a burden overall)
but who knows
maybe one day
maybe one day
ill flourish
and wel all flourish
espiecally before we die

ill flourish
and ill (become succeful and all of that and be the perfect boyfriend and they ill meet a girl that was just written for me and then i fall in love for the second time but this time its real and then and we'll cuddle everyday and we'll watch romcoms every weekend we'll spend our honeymoon in Venice we'll have *** moderdentaly because we would be aware of its reverce (i mean folks *** can literally create life don't you dare mistake its meaning) then i marry her then we have kids she meets my family i meet her family we have kids and then we watch them grow (as we ourselves grow) each day is an adventure each week is the maximum bliss this  then we grow old together, we loveed each other eso mucgh that we grow toegether
but everytime i lay on her lab suddenly im 4 years old again.

but then tradget happens,
I die
or maybe she does idk
regardless
one of us outlives each other
and then we think one of us is dead (correct grammar here idk make it fluent) (gpt youre invloved)
but it only seems that way
she was not dead
she'd die only when i die
and id die when she dies (get it cause she was living in the person who was alives memories (gpt youre invloved)
and then (person) thinks about all the time and all the memmeories
and the kids grow old
and reminceisng comes
all the memories, god was preparing us for heaven (because we're both really good people obvilsually)

and then
we reunite!