The sun rises,
my body wakes;  
my mind follows slowly behind,  
dreading the day that is mine.
I get out of bed
with last night’s nightmares still in my head.  

This is how I start my day—  
covered in shame and sin,  
I only feel emptiness and pain.  

My nightmares never fade,  
constantly replaying,  
reminding me that death is slowly creeping in.

There’s only one way to free my mind,  
even if it hurts those I leave behind...

But I don’t want to leave you alone,  
so I’ll leave you with my heart.  
You're the only one who appreciated its art.  
seeing it for who it was and still loving it wholly.

I wish I could rid myself of these living nightmares  
without bullets, pills, or ropes.  
But the nightmares crave pain and loss;  
they do not thrive on love or hope.

When the sun sets behind the hills  
and I breathe my last breath,  
when Death knocks at my door, beckoning me home,  
I’ll follow close behind,  
my empty chest lacking the ticking time bomb  
that once kept us close.

Every night the moon shines through my window, a new face sleeps on the pillow next to me... a new man, a new one night stand.

Every night the pleasure grows when someone plants their seeds in the garden that never grows, and the shame and grief arise while the pride I once had falls to my feet

you told me you were different
you told me you would treat me right
you told me to trust in you
and I did, I trusted you
and for what?
I lost my sanity
I lost my identity
who I was is no longer who I am
because I let you take that from me

I hate myself for allowing you to use me
lie to me
hurt me
scar me

you want to come back into my life
and... honestly...
I crave the hurt
I know its unhealthy
I know its wrong
but yet
a part of me
wants you again
a part of me is so numb that it would do anything to feel something
even you
especially you

In the midst of all this greenery sits a sun in all its riddled glory, attempting to cast a light over the shadows of yesterday. And I, fearing for what may come, hide among these shadows, desperate for solace from the pain haunting my inner thoughts.

take my hand in yours,
let's travel the universe
together as one.

come, let's fly away
to a place where we can be
together as one.

wherever you are
and wherever you will go-
we are forever.

I once was a girl
Who was young and innocent and carefree  
But something changed within me
And the world turned against me
Ambivalence and dissonance now engulf me,
Creating something of anxiety inside me
I'm drowning in the depression sea
The life inside of me wanting to flee
I'm being attacked by something unseen
The pain and misery I feel
Is something so surreal
But I'm bound to these feelings
I'm anchored to the bottom of the sea
The demons inside me bury me deep...
What have I become?

Who am I?
Oh, why, I haven't a clue!

Do I have an identity,
do I have a personality,
or a soul like you do?

Am I defined by Him?
Or am I defined by Me?
Do you decide who I may be?
Oh, my, who am I?

And why can't I
identify that
which makes me me...
My talents
or my failures,
my past or my present...
Do either or neither
determine me?

But, oh, I cry,
is it too late now
to find out how
to become me again?

But oh, who am I
to say I can't begin
to make my name.
When now may be the time
when now could be my time
to make me shine,
and make my self
whole,
new,
and me…

Hopefully...

I travel the wastelands of my mind, searching for a drop of water, a life of my own. The sunlight, she beckons me. I slowly crawl towards her, searching for an inkling of purpose to this journey, a drop of water, a life of my own. Could the sun who shines so bright hold the answers I so long to discover?

Time creeps by, day after day, week after week, month after month, century after century... After all this time the sun still calls for me. With every aching move my muscles make, the sun travels light-years ahead of me, calling me to her.

This is solely a window into the barren lands that is my mind. Perhaps I use this as a way to let in someone who knows what it's like to search longingly for an answer, or perhaps to let in someone who sees something in me I  cannot see. Whatever it may be, you are the chosen one and possibly, the only one...