dear attention,

I have a few words to say to you.
You caused me to grovel before the feet of others
and forced me on my knees in surrender to my fear.
You changed my heart into a fickle one,
I left you once and I came straight back.
I'm furious that I lost myself entirely to you
because no piece of me is my own anymore.
God opened a door and I shut it,
only thinking I wanted you and you alone.
I wanted you so badly, but I never received you.
Because I couldn't obtain you, I desired you.
I put you before myself, before everyone else.
I forgot that I do not need you to tell me what I'm worth,
I am stronger than this, I told myself.
I didn't need you.
But whenever I look at you, and see what I don't have,
my heart fills with jealousy all the more.

I wish I could leave you completely,
but I'm thankful God opened the door again after I closed it.

You have my heart,
in the fragile palm of your hand.

My love for you,
runs deeper than the ocean.

It beats with a purpose,
and that purpose is you.

Stars shine in your eyes,
magnitudes of watercolors dance.

In pools of flowery light,
your spirit of gentleness roams.

Like a gentle lamb,
you love the meadows of gold.

Jumps higher than the sequoias,
you leap with the hope of a child.

you are vague
in your words
in your actions

you keep quiet
when you talk
because you
don't want
me to know
that you know
what I know

I'm trapped in a corner
Confronted on all sides
I don't even try to leave
I just let them eat me alive

My demons
Too many for this small mind
Making my brain black
And leaving myself behind

I've been squashed
I've been killed
I've been left by all my loved ones
But still

Living is more painful than dying
Yet I want to live