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People feel and write

I write to feel

But unalive wounds


Never seem to heal.
How can you heal when you dont feel?
"You are a monster!"
"Apologize!"
I am a monster–
Apologize.
Many interpretations
mom says
i’m the best person she knows.
i smile.
i’m good at pretending.

she says i’m kind,
but i know when it’s a performance.
she says i’m gifted,
but it feels like a trick
i’m barely pulling off.

my sax squeaks,
my test scores blur,
my muscles ache in the water.
and still she calls it talent.

i nod along,
quiet and guilty.

if i’m so good,
why do i always
feel like a lie?
Maybe I'm nails on a chalkboard,
Interrupting peace with every screech.
Your two least favorite foods mixed together
A sight no one wants to see.

Maybe I’m polka dots paired with stripes,
Three clashing shades of pink.
A beat too fast, the words don’t match,
And you’ll never catch up to me.

I’m toast that's burnt, leaves left on the curb,
The promise of fun—but never the one.
And worst of all?
I’m the one who got me there.
It's just a reminder to be better
Ill watch the bees in the clover and my daughter play in the sand,
Ill play music with my friends and
bask in the sun-
I might even let myself have a little fun
But the moon will rise and
night will quiet
I'll reset my house and
my heart will riot
She wants to say things and
express her emotions,
while yes I too want to feel love-
I'm tired of drowning in it's oceans
It's my fault for being so restrained
Heartache has a way of
fueling my insomnia-
Envied only by
Caffeine
0300
He'll hold his cup close while she

drips
          drips
                   drips

Impatiently he'll warm her,
filling his cup

Faster
          Faster
                    Faster

Back into the ocean she goes,
He is already gone.
Everyone wants to melt a glacier
Until they have a natural disaster
on their hands.
I beg for understanding
   But I can't even figure out myself

I crave recognition
   But do nothing worthy

I'm desperate to be seen
        But my own vision is clouded
0900
He sent me flowers

I told him I loved you

I could have just said thank you
A bouquet doesn't bloom just because it's given
if the ocean would carry me
it'll collapse under the weight of my bones
made with cement and steel
and the burden each brick owns

witness the waves howler and scream
just like the heart caged in my chest
blood bubbling around the muscle
surging with every beat and protest

the bottom of the sea may be quiet
like my tongue folded neatly in my mouth
though feral beasts deep within
choke with pressure more than i can count

the ocean and i are seperate
both flowers from different gardens
one ephemeral, one wilting before your eyes
but both's head tilting up to the heavens

sorrowful eyes, swirling, storm awakening
chaos mingling betwixt water and blood
ravid souls in dire need of feeding
cursed and blessed by god

i wonder if i could carry the ocean
within just the corners of my palm
i and the ocean - we are one
a catastrophe after the calm
i love the ocean. it makes you feel a lot of things.
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