Im in a long term relationship with the Hands of Time
but, sometimes I don't want them touching my soul at night
Guess we been together, way too long
The 33 year old itch has now become a haunting song that I don't want to sing
I feel like I'm sitting in an old theater house, tearing as I watch old black and white films of a fallen queen and king

Seems these keepers of the hours don't know
that I dance with my ghosts of womans past
the tug of war inside, or the questions that I ask
Sometimes, it feels like they just left me behind
when she was alive
by the light house in Montawk in the summer of 99

I'm in a marriage, married to the Angel of Time
Sometimes I cant stand the sound of it's tick, it meets me with terror and fright
Im fooled after I fall for it's tricks, then soon after I fall sick
Seems these keepers of the hours don't care that
I try to hold onto my birthday balloons that dad got me, for as long as I can
But time won’t wait for no woman, they're deflating like the time that is slipping away
through my own hands
Everyday
I miss him when he was was alive
when wed take
our searching for the best Christmas lights treasure hunt drives

But then Time
it kind of stops 
when I need it the most
my heart is a clock
my heart is a clock
and the hands of time
they can be so ugly and cruel
but they're forgiving too
Like when you Fall in love
and 8 am takes forever to turn into the Am hours of 2
And you wonder
How did I extend the hours?
Maybe, magic lives in the hours
Maybe Time can be our
Power

Time it can kind of stop
when I feel like a squeezed out sponge and ***** old mop
my heart is a clock
my heart is a clock
and the hands of time
they can be so cool
but they're mean too

Like when suddenly
something that happened 20 years ago feels like todays news
And you wonder
How did I miss all the hours?
Maybe cruelty and thievery dance together in the hours
Maybe Time steals our power

my heart is a clock
Tick Tok
my heart is a clock, wishes for tomorrow
with every hour comes a little sorrow
my heart is a clock
tick tok
Il mio cuore e un orologio
e in ogni ora vive papa


Inside the clock
the hands don’t know how to live as one
they push and pull
in a wedding dance that’s never done
that's what friends are for
supposed to stay
but the hands of time will run

im still dancing to dads guitar riffs
my heart is a clock
it never forgot

I lay on my bedroom floor
I scratched my own soul like I got nine lives
I could take care of another itch but im hungry for more

how do I say it kind, I know you're a little sensitive and scruff
Im in heat, but not for you, you're not enough
Im in heat, but not for your cold touch, don't want your huff and puff
little boys just make me blue
but don't get me wrong
I really like you

I move like a cat
I see all with my glowing eyes even in pitch black
maybe I'm meant for disease
maybe its the streets that I need

I got a quick response, sometimes its all hissing and flaunting
I keep coming back I don't know how I'm still here, its daunting
I'm starving
for a mate sometimes,
and sometimes it hurts so bad I cry
after all, I'm just a woman
Just Feline


Im in heat, but not for lies
Im in heat, but not for you
In heat for something real and true
Little boys just make me blue
but don't get me wrong
I really like you
but I'm in heat and you're too cold for me
im in heat
for
some kind of belief

Once upon a time in a 2009 American land at war with fall and defeat
Daddy and me
survived a winter with no heat
the new york city frost cut through my jacket
the one I wore to fall asleep
cold blue basement walls sang a sad christmas melody of our uncalm silent night
But together we held on tight

and through the cold
the princess inside of me took hold
and she kept me safe and bold

Dianas mercy, Beauty Belle and her candelabras flame
I would hear them call out my name
Nicole, don't you throw
your roses on your grave, not today
There's more life for you on the way
So, stay

A lying throned lover and me, once built a castle but what was missing was Honesty and Love
His abuse cut through my silk robe that I wore as I climbed up to our royal bed
I was like a caged dove, I still tried to fly but to him it was never enough
 I was really awake when hed think I was fast asleep, tear from my cheek, tasting the bitter taste of my own **** ups and that was the real dread
by morning, I was trapped in his beastly arms cause he kept me sheltered and fed

and in the dark of night
the princess inside of me took flight
she gave me Joan of arc sight

Grace Kelly's elegance wrapped around my tethered soul
Nefertitis crown cast it's magic spell that my broken heart be whole
Mulan told me to love the brown eyed girl in the mirror
Cinderella whispered don't worry precious,
your good heart will one day bring your True prince nearer
Pocahontas painted me with all of her colors singing, you'll soon feel the wind of another
Their grace and power carried me through
A sacred strength forever true
They'd say Nicole don't go there's still this story untold
Ariel swam in my soul
and left me a message in a bottle
I know your're yearning to be part of something more  Girl but
maybe the world afterall isn't your oyster
but one thing for sure is you're a pearl
And There's more for you to see
So, breathe
undersea
and you will
one day be free

Diana's mercy, who would have thought
that my sister
after all these years
Loved me

Snow white and her seven friends singing hold on its almost the end
Rapunzel told me it's just fine to let down or if I ******* wanted to to cut off my hair, that I can descend down just on my own wing and a prayer
and my feet made it to the grass, the stones and rocks
See true beauty ain't defined by your locks
Red riding Hood, lost in the dark, her words of advice
the Forest in your heart is the real fight
the princess inside of me
Shes here and she sometimes bleeds
but she is
Alive in me

Dianas mercy, who would have thought
that my sister
after all these years
Loved me

There’s a lucky poker chip in the Great Britain stars
Do you see it?  I see souls lost, but they're winning
no longer have to feel the burden of a good heart, bones and skin
the agony that Daniel Thomas is now free from livin in

Daniel Thomas, the wine I didn't drink with you
Its now being served up
in chalices in my heart
within me is a party and all of your different faces
are the only attendees
and they have such a good time and they all drink it up
but they leave a mess for me to clean when they go
staining a heart that knows no home

you told me to be happy
with the small things. told me to leave that ******* that you knew was a cheat
told me to get the **** out of the city
told me I was beautiful when I thought I was ugly
and that if anything happened to you that you loved me
yes you told me

Maybe to protect my beaten soul I didn't wanna accept that i
surely did know
We swam in pleasure, didn't we, when we weren't cracking up
and we were good at Making Love
but you were gone and I shut it all out it wasn't hard because the alternative would cut me like a deep glass shard
I wasn't like a willow like you, I wouldn't bend
Daniel can you believe I'm thirty three now, gives me the ability
to process things a little better.  and I guess looking way back when
I guess we were more than friends

Daniel Thomas, remember when I begged you to drink water
Well now that same water is drowning my soul
Its become mean and it has built flooded homes, they got no foundation
and it is now like the Titanic, sinking, releasing my tears
You'd get angry at me cause I couldn't find a simple way out of the situation I was in and I got mad at you when you were a little rude
an English man can sometimes have attitude
and a new York bred girl can be stubborn and shake the world
you told me to be happy
with small things
well our love making
to me, it was my own thing I was grateful for at the time
it was like your open window
Gave me air
****, weren't we a pair
We know about pain but does pleasure come to an end
cause its haunting me, I wasn't like a willow tree, I couldn't bend
Daniel Thomas
guess we were
more than friends

Wed joke that you have a harem
It didn't bother me, at the time my heart was empty and barren
and I went on to sell myself to the wrong man, freedom was my fee
you went on to fall in love with others and then her,  it was just how you were
it didn't even hurt
and then I was sick and lost and
I went and dated your best friend
til he showed me, sometimes kindness does have an end
he ripped me apart and I couldn't even ******* tell you about it
cause you were dead
Wed joke that you have a harem
it didn't bother me, we were musical soul mates
and I went on to scream another mans name, to survive I was shallow and fake
you too went on to make mistakes, I guess you caved
but the truth is
when we loved, it was hard, it was sweaty and raw
maybe pleasure has no end
cause those moments haunt me forever
guess we were more than friends


I miss you
I want to drink wine with you
Now I'll have to do it
in my dreams
Cause I'm a fool
Im sorry Daniel Thomas
but we both know
we were more than friends

One day, I'll visit your river
One day, I'll river your river
And I hope my presence
is a lovers letter
to the fish swimming
in what's left of you
Love continues on
Daniel Thomas, I love you
and I went where you told me to.
guess we were more than friends

My Blue Eyed Ghost

There was once a girl with the most beautiful blue eyes
the world had ever seen
She held me as a child, we were so happy
the picture of that moment is long gone, it was stolen
but I think the warmth of her hands from that day
still protects me
from cold new york winters

She was Juliette’s sister
but the truth was, she was mine and I was hers
we belonged to each other
in a way no one else heard

At Grandpas funeral dinner when the world turned cruel at that table
ugly hearts stabbed us both  like knives
I fled out of the restaurant.
And she ran after me
like a fierce November 18th candle flame.

We sat on a rock
She didn’t speak much, just put her head to mine.
She got addicted to the drugs
but no matter how lost she was
she always stood up for me
a warrior guarding my tiny heart
against the big bad wolves in the family.

Sometimes I dream she sits beside me still
on that same rock
and neither of us is broken.

She places a gumball in my hand
and says,
“This is yours to keep."

And I wake up
with blue in my eyes
But my heart is so broken, it feels like it was beaten
and found dead on the sidewalk.
Why did Jenna have to die

It doesn't bother me so much that you dont talk to me anymore
I prefer it to the screaming so a part of me let go
but your silence settled into my heart like a wishing well
deep in my soul
it sits and collects at the bottom
very alone.
its a dark place only you and I go.
the coins you tossed in there are tarnished and destroyed
they echo lost dreams
they are sunk in like your 1958 born cheeks
you look so weak
what happened

As a child,
You handed me a sparkler on the Fourth of July
you knew it burned me and I saw the guilt in your eyes
You'd swore you’d never hurt me again
But you’re burning me now

you were always afraid of money.
Youre a vagabond.  
You turned me into a gypsy since the day I was born without even asking
my permission.
I don't love you the way I used to.
you're not my hero.

Mirror mirror on the wall
They used to say I was the finest of them all
its funny cause now
I'm morning smudged mascara and shaking post caffeine hands
that play with smoke and fire cause I lost my chance

There’s a cigarette hanging off my lip
a family curse is like a never ending bad trip
If I light it, I know I'll lose
but what’s one more fall when you’re already
yesterday’s news
yesterdays news

Baby I'm Outdated
I live in another time and I don't meant to gloat
but think of me like
The wake of a boat
I think you're fine and I want you in my bed
to love and hold
but I never said I wasn't Jaded
So call me up at night and I'll fix you up
when you're dislocated, i'll snap you into place when you're feeling faded
But baby, im outdated
Im outdated
Im outdated

Mirror, mirror on the wall
They used to say I had the best ******* voice of them all
Now im drunk at noon tryin to cheat on you, to find a fling
My hands bleed as they strum broken guitar strings
There's a cigarette dangling in my heart
it's like a loaded gun
you see, a family curse
is damage done and it has me always on the run
If I light it I know i'll lose
What's one more fall when your'e already
yesterdays news
yesterdays news

Baby I'm Outdated
I live in another time, and I don't meant to gloat
but think of me like
The wake of a boat
I think you're fine and I want you in my bed
to love and hold
but I never said I wasn't Jaded
Call me up at night and I'll fix you up
when you're dislocated, i'll snap you into place when you're feeling faded
But baby, im outdated
Im outdated
Im outdated

I’m not current but I’m surely flowing
but baby im a tide that doesn't know where its going
Im a whisper in a world that's way too loud
Time lost me in 2006 but I was never found

Baby I’m a cigarette burn in an empty nightclub room
maybe all I want is the dark, the doom and gloom
Baby I'm Outdated
Baby, im outdated
Come to me when you're dislocated
Ill fix you up when you're faded
The Love I give to you it'll be real, it'll be now
but don't ask me to try to be whole because I don't know how
Baby im like cigarette smoke
I don't know how to speak, I choke
I live in a far away time
But I think you're fine
But
Baby im outdated
Outdated
Baby im outdated
Not the type to bring home to mother
I stutter
I'm not feeling the new worlds ways
I don't like it too much I got too much to say
Baby I'm outdated
Im out dated, if you push I'll play
Im out dated