Love is an illusion that can drive you insane. I have learned that in the most harmful ways. Love can turn into hurt and bring more pain than anything else. Giving your heart so easily can return with an empty feeling. That emptiness will never leave you, it will torture you until you feel like you have nothing left in you. It will bring you to your knees. It will have that powerful grip on your mind and leave you broken and terrified.
We live in this world alone and we die alone. Tell me, is that not the truth? When we are here on this earth we are humiliated, mentally and physically used. We are lied to and cheated and envious of other people, beaten, and bruised. Yet we still choose to believe that when we are married off we will have our happy ending. Are you aware of the fact that that one person will not die with you? Yet there is always that chance that you will meet again and I have to doubt that you hold on to that. Still it is also not promised. So love is pointless, it is utterly useless. We don’t need it, we never really needed it to begin with.
Does it still hurt to wish for it though? Is the want to share that kind of bond with somebody wrong? I would still fight for that one little bit of joy in this reckless world. I would sit and wait for the one person to walk my way and say that they were lucky to have me and that they would fight for me if ever I was to walk away. I would be lucky for the opportunity to love somebody. I have one in a million chances to find that kind of joy through somebody. When I do finally find them they are my source of happiness, yet I have been told that is wrong. I have been told by too many people that I have to look for happiness on my own. Still It’s hard when you don’t know how to be happy.
I wish I lived in a book, when the guy always tried to fight for the girl. Even if she always shrugged him off like he was a fly buzzing in her ear. The type of love that is mysterious to other people and a love that is so good you must think that it is unreal. A love where I know exactly how my significant other is feeling and going through. Is that love false? Is it an unrealistic dream? Maybe there are other worlds out there where love is cherished and not used as an object. Maybe somewhere in our existence where people would fight maybe even **** for something that they love. Yet they would still know how to be kind and loyal as they are in a book.
The type of love that I wish that I had is fake. It is never able to be lived. I can only dream up a world where the right thing is fought for, and people keep their word. Where people didn’t give up on something or someone that they loved. A world where respect is earned, and lies are punished. A world where I could fight for love so deeply. Am I existing in the wrong world? Am I meant for more or nothing at all?
The love that I need will not exist because that kind of love is imaginary. It is nothing but a childish dream, because I want a world that is impossible to have. Maybe that is all the human kind wants. Something that they cannot have. Something that they wish they had more than anything.