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I’m a walking insult.
I’m a *******.
I’m a ******* mistake.

No, that felt too dignifying.

Is that more than what I deserve?

Did that make you laugh?

Your jokes describe me too well.

I nod with every letter said.

I feel my face flush scarlet

So ashamed I change —

real defining clue of myself —

like a snake skin sheds.

I want to be dehumanised.

I  want to be violated

I want them to forget me.

I want to be an empty vessel.

I want to slit my throat.

I don’t want your warm affection.

Now my dreams echo hollow.
Every night, my head against the pillow,
revising every morsel I swallowed,
hoping there is no tomorrow —

As I walk to join the hanging bodies in the gallows.
They laugh and frolic in the sun with their slim waists.

You say I’m kind. Considerate,

but I just want your validation.

I’m a narcissist to the core.

Hope I’m not the bile in your throat,

or the acid that burns your hollow heart.

Did that make you laugh?
"Is it a  wonder I broke, lets hear one more joke"
May 7 · 677
Fault
You say my grades don’t matter.
You say, “I love you no matter what.”
Then why am I invisible?
Why do they only see the red numbers on my sheet?

You ask me, “Is everything fine?”
What do you expect me to say —
that I’m f**d up?
That I dream about leaving?
That I keep a blade in my front pocket?

You say I don’t share,
but you don’t pay attention.
I play the piano till my fingers bleed,
I scream songs that reflect me,
I even talked to you.

Maybe it’s because you liked me,
never loved me.
Maybe I’m so flawed I can’t see,
or maybe it’s both.
Maybe we’re both flawed —
we’re only human.
can you hear me?
May 6 · 121
PLEASE STOP
I want this to end
please everything just stop!
I'm begging you oh! God
i can't deal with this

I want to cut myself so deep that all i  become is bone
I want to smash my head against the wall
make paintings with my blood
PLEASE STOP!

You tell me that you're concerned
but then why do you ignore me
like a pig on a street
is that what you think of me?

I'm done trying
My legs broken from carrying this pain
my windpipe punctured by the comments you make
My skin crimson form the cuts i create

I get hooked with a therapist
but instead of help ,all they blab is *******
that makes me question to my broken core
Am I going mad?

Can you ******* shut up
all i want is to be alone
all i want to be is held
by someone who loves me unconditionally

you say your love is pure
but is it? you manipulate me
I love you, but do you love me?
You made me question everything

Your ******* homophobic mindset,
its so revolting , I feel ashamed to be your son
You say no matter what happpens you are my son
but the very next second you spill your guts

I'm sorry i disappoint you constantly
I'm sorry, I bleed
I'm sorry, I'm weak
I'm sorry, would you ever forgive me?
A rage poem , A desperate cry for help. This is written in a mooment of intense emotion and a form of self expression and NOT A THREAT
Somewhere beyond the veil, far from the claws of civility,
Past the grey building that echos hostility,
Lies a humble hearth that would save my sanity,
touched by the goddess Hestia’s divinity.

Oh! Look-emerging from the lemon orchards is my lover,
Who runs to bring me a four leaf clover.
His golden touch makes me shiver;
I swear you could see his eyes shimmer.

You could taste the saline breeze,
That sprints from the languid sea;
the waves thrash in a symphony-
My brush drips with aquamarine.

You can smell the warm honeyed sky,
Curling from the fresh baked pies,
Or from the midnight hyacinths that cry ,
That my golden one helped reach the sky.

Those delicate fingers pluck the stings of  the lyre,
Resonating a rhapsody the gods admire,
That fills my heart with desire,
As I look dumbstruck ,this heartthrob I’ve acquired.

You say,“when you know you know”,
And I think I will finally  grow’
With my arms linked with my beau’
As we cocoon under the weeping willow.

But  my ears rings with screams,
As I realise it was all a dream;
My sheets wet from the streams-
Was it all just  my mind’s scheme?

My world now is once again grey.
I don’t know how will I go about my day;
My hands have no-one  left to sway,
For I am as lonely as they say.

You tell me, that memory I should not save,
But my heart is not that brave.
For after all, I am my grief’s slave-
You know each day I wish I were in my grave.
this is a lyrical tour of love, loss, and yearning, interwoven with imagery informed by Greek myth. The poem is a journey through a dream world in which the warmth of divine affection and the intensity of the world come crashing up against the cold realities of the everyday. Rich with symbolism and hue, the speaker moves through the ecstasy of an ideal world and the despair of finding oneself awake in a world of solitude. The poem combines the otherworldly loveliness of nature, the emotional power of music, and the uncooked force of myth to forge a haunting meditation on the difference between dream and waking life. ( if you read closely the lover is Apollo). it is modern twist to The Song of Achilles
Apr 26 · 120
Give Me A Reason
Nick Spellman Apr 26
The salty stream of pain streaks across my face
And my mind lost in an ashen haze,
I yearn for an understanding gaze,
But the world is lost in their own maze.
Standing on the ledge of annihilation; screaming give me a reason

Was a child of the summer,  my soul used to shimmer.
The morning daylight that once made my heart  flutter,
Now charrs my back to the colours of dying embers.
Standing on the ledge of annihilation ; screaming give me a reason

I used to finger paint the world with vibrant hues.
This sadness, silent but wailing for rescue,
And its underpainting has dappled me blue.
Standing on the ledge of annihilation; screaming give me a reason

My heart is tired of flooding blood to this prison.
The cuts  now bleed crimson.
My own thoughts have committed treason.
Standing on the ledge of annihilation; screaming give me a reason
Trigger Warning: Suicide, Self Harm
This poem dives into the themes of existential crisis how one transitions from a playful child to one who sees no colour in the world. The last line of every stanza is the person asking is there any point of living itself
Apr 26 · 165
The Red Blade
Nick Spellman Apr 26
A red blade lies there, my hands trembling,
My palms covered in blood, my fingertips twitching,
With red liquid, from the cuts bleeding.

When my eye catches my reflection,
They turn red from rejection,
Not by someone, but from my own aversion.

When my thoughts are free, and my heart bleeds,
I feel the attention on the rolls of fat as it kneads,
My face looks disgusted ,as the double chin heeds.

My feet are tired from climbing up the road,
My spine split from carrying the load,
My heart sick of drowning in the tears of the pain never told.

The walls closing in
The white noise increasing
The blade appealing

A red blade lies there, my hands trembling,
My palms covered in blood, my fingertips twitching,
With red liquid, from the cuts bleeding.
Trigger Warning: self harm.
this poem talks about the thought process of how one descends into this bottomless  pit of negative thoughts that cause him to self harm

— The End —